Tiredness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise, correct errors, and use clearer vocabulary. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give 1–2 specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid fillers (umm, like) and repeated words. Also correct phrases such as “retaining shifts” to “rotating shifts” and “wake up schedule” to “sleep schedule.”

예시: Yes, I often feel tired. I work as a nurse and my rotating shifts disrupt my sleep schedule, since I normally work an eight-hour shift plus frequent overtime. As a result, I regularly feel fatigued.

제안: Give a direct answer and add a specific example or reason with a linking word. Avoid vague phrases like “so yeah.” Use clearer grammar: e.g., “after my shifts” and explain what aspects are demanding (physical, emotional, long hours).

예시: I feel tired most of the time after my shifts, especially following long or busy days. For example, when I spend many hours standing and attending to patients, I finish completely exhausted.

제안: Organize your answer: start with a clear topic sentence, then list 2–3 specific activities using linking words (first, then, sometimes). Correct grammar ("I take a shower and rest") and replace informal or awkward phrases like “cool down my adrenaline” with “calm down” or “unwind.”

예시: When I feel tired, I usually take a shower and rest first. Then I sometimes read a book to help me unwind, and occasionally I have a light snack if I’m hungry.

× I often feel tired because of my work.

✓ I often feel tired because of my work.

No correction needed; sentence is grammatically correct and uses present simple appropriately for habitual situations.

× I am a nurse and I have retaining shifts and because of that umm I tend to have like different sleeping schedule and wake wake up schedule and I have usually 8 hour shift and then overtime so.

✓ I am a nurse and I have rotating shifts, and because of that I tend to have different sleeping and waking schedules. I usually have an 8-hour shift and then overtime.

Errors: 'retaining shifts' is incorrect word choice (use 'rotating shifts'); 'like' and filler words are unnecessary; 'different sleeping schedule and wake wake up schedule' has noun number and repetition issues (use plural 'schedules' and 'waking'); 'I have usually 8 hour shift' needs article and hyphenation ('an 8-hour shift'). Suggestions: replace incorrect word with 'rotating', remove fillers, make nouns plural when referring to multiple schedules, add article 'an' and hyphenate compound adjective '8-hour'.

× I often feel tired every time I work after my shift because of how tiring being a nurse and how demanding the job is.

✓ I often feel tired every time I work a shift because being a nurse is tiring and the job is demanding.

Problems: awkward clause 'because of how tiring being a nurse and how demanding the job is' lacks parallel structure and a verb for the first clause. Use a clearer structure: 'because being a nurse is tiring and the job is demanding.' Also 'work after my shift' is redundant; use 'work a shift' or 'after my shift' depending on meaning. Suggestions: use parallel clauses with verbs and remove redundant words.

× What do what do I do when I feel tired?

✓ What do I do when I feel tired?

Error: repetition 'What do what do' is a simple duplication likely from hesitation. Suggestion: remove the repeated words to form a correct question.

× Is I after after I get home I take shower and then I take a rest.

✓ After I get home I take a shower and then I rest.

Errors: starting with 'Is I' is incorrect—should begin with 'After I get home'; 'take shower' lacks the article 'a'; 'take a rest' is less natural than 'I rest' or 'take a rest' with 'a'. Suggestions: remove filler, add article 'a' before 'shower', simplify 'take a rest' to 'rest'.

× Sometimes I read books to relax my mind and to cool down my my adrenaline basically.

✓ Sometimes I read books to relax my mind and to calm my adrenaline down.

Errors: 'cool down my adrenaline' is unnatural collocation; 'calm my adrenaline down' or 'bring my adrenaline down' is better. Remove duplicate 'my'. 'Basically' is filler and can be omitted. Suggestion: use natural verb phrases for physiological states ('calm' or 'bring down').

× And then sometimes I also eat something.

✓ And sometimes I also eat something.

Minor issue: word order 'And then sometimes' is acceptable conversationally but 'And sometimes' is more natural. Sentence otherwise grammatically correct in present simple for habitual action.