Politeness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct verb tenses and word choice (e.g., “told me,” “politeness makes people more humane” is better than “beautiful social”).

예시: My mother taught me to be polite when I was young. For example, she always reminded me to say “please” and “thank you,” and to greet adults respectfully. Because of her lessons, I learned that politeness helps people get along and creates a pleasant atmosphere.

제안: Start with a direct topic sentence, then give a clear reason and a brief example. Fix grammar and phrasing (e.g., “people's perception of you” not “person perception about you”). Use a linking word such as “because” or “for example.”

예시: Yes, I believe politeness is very important because it shapes other people’s impressions of you. For example, if you speak calmly and politely to a colleague, they are more likely to cooperate, which improves teamwork.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence and list two or three specific occasions using linking words like “especially” or “for instance.” Correct plural and article usage (e.g., “on all occasions,” “teachers,” “family gatherings”).

예시: We should be polite on all occasions, but especially in formal situations. For instance, we should show respect when speaking to teachers, during job interviews, and at family gatherings because people tend to notice behavior in public settings.

제안: Use past tense consistently and be more specific with one or two examples rather than repeating similar ideas. Start with a topic sentence then add a specific example with a linking word such as “for example” or “for instance.”

예시: As a child, I showed politeness by greeting my elders and speaking respectfully to them. For example, I always said “good morning” to my grandparents and helped neighbors carry groceries, which made them feel appreciated.

× When I was a child my mother always told me to be polite with the people and behave nicely with every kind of people because she always used to told me that politeness is something that makes people humble, that makes people even more beautiful social.

✓ When I was a child, my mother always told me to be polite to people and to behave nicely with all kinds of people, because she used to tell me that politeness makes people humble and makes them more socially attractive.

Multiple verb and wording errors: 'told me to be polite with the people' should be 'told me to be polite to people' (preposition use and unnecessary article). 'every kind of people' should be 'all kinds of people' (quantifier and noun form). 'she always used to told me' is incorrect: after 'used to' the base verb is required, so 'used to tell me' or just 'told me'. Repetition 'that makes people humble, that makes people even more beautiful social' is ungrammatical; 'more socially attractive' or 'more attractive socially' is correct. Include commas and 'to' before parallel infinitives 'to be' and 'to behave' for clarity.

× Yes, I do think being polite is very important for a person because when you talk to someone in a nice or good manner then the person perception about you will change automatically and the person will eventually respond more nicely with you.

✓ Yes, I think being polite is very important for a person because when you talk to someone in a nice manner, that person's perception of you will change automatically and they will eventually respond more kindly to you.

Issues corrected: 'I do think' is unnecessary but acceptable; simplified to 'I think'. 'a nice or good manner' -> 'a nice manner' (redundant adjectives). 'the person perception about you' should be 'that person's perception of you' (incorrect noun phrase and missing possessive). 'respond more nicely with you' should be 'respond more kindly to you' (wrong preposition and adverb choice). Also changed 'the person' to gender-neutral 'they' for naturalness.

× We should be respectful in every occasions but mostly while talking to our teacher or in family gatherings people should be more respectful because people often notice others' behaviors in a gathered situation.

✓ We should be respectful on every occasion, but especially when talking to our teachers or at family gatherings, people should be more respectful because others often notice behavior in group situations.

Errors: 'in every occasions' should be 'on every occasion' (wrong preposition and singular/plural mismatch). 'while talking to our teacher' -> 'when talking to our teachers' (number agreement and natural phrasing). 'in family gatherings' -> 'at family gatherings' (preposition). 'others' behaviors in a gathered situation' -> 'others often notice behavior in group situations' (awkward phrase; simplified and corrected possessive usage).

× As a child I always try to give greetings to my elders and be respectful to them and I also try to be friendly with the people I know and behave nicely with everyone and try to help everyone.

✓ As a child, I always tried to greet my elders and be respectful to them; I also tried to be friendly with people I knew, behave nicely with everyone, and help them.

Tense inconsistency: question asked 'What did you do...' so past tense is required. Change present 'try' to past 'tried' and present 'know' to past 'knew'. 'give greetings to my elders' is unnatural; use 'greet my elders'. Use parallel verb forms and concise phrasing. Replace 'help everyone' with 'help them' to avoid repetition and improve cohesion.