Paper— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Answer the question directly and describe one clear paper craft. Several phrases are unclear, such as “a one way that I do,” “pat paper,” and “with the dough.” Use accurate vocabulary and a logical sequence with a linking word. Keep the answer natural and specific, with no more than two or three sentences.

예시: Yes, I have. When I feel bored, I sometimes make paper crafts, such as greeting cards or simple origami. It is a relaxing way to be creative and reflect on my feelings.

제안: Begin with a direct answer using “I liked to...” and then add a specific detail. Correct the awkward structures “I would do with some papers” and “get a paint,” and avoid repetition such as “would would.” Use past-tense verbs consistently and a linking word to connect your activities.

예시: As a child, I liked doodling and painting on sheets of paper. Sometimes, my siblings and I would draw pictures together, which was a fun way to spend our free time.

제안: Your main idea and reason are relevant, but the answer contains repeated words and an overly complicated sentence. State your opinion clearly, then give one concise reason and a specific example. Replace unnatural phrases such as “a physical remembrance of me” with “a lasting reminder of my feelings.”

예시: Yes, I do, although I do not write them very often. I enjoy sending physical letters because they are a personal way to show affection. The recipient can keep the letter as a lasting reminder of my feelings.

제안: You give a clear opinion and support it with observations, but the sentence is too long and includes repetition. Use a direct opening such as “Yes, I think they do,” followed by a specific reason or example. “In my surroundings” and “see or hear them reading” are less natural here; use “among my friends and family” and “reread them.”

예시: Yes, I think some people still keep handwritten letters, especially sentimental ones. Among my friends and family, people often save old cards and love letters because they have emotional value. They sometimes reread them when they want to remember a special occasion.

제안: You answer the question directly and provide a relevant reason, but the explanation is repetitive and grammatically inaccurate. Say “I work in healthcare, so I often need to take notes,” rather than repeating “nursing.” Use a concise supporting detail and explain when you use the paper and pen.

예시: Yes, I usually do. I work in healthcare, so I often need a pen and some paper to record nursing notes or reminders. They are especially useful when I need to write down information quickly.

× Yes, that is a one way that I do during times of boredom. I would get a pat paper and then with the dough or would make some essay self reflection.

✓ Yes, making paper crafts is one activity I do when I am bored. I would get a piece of paper and some dough, then make something or write an essay for self-reflection.

The original sentences have incomplete and incorrectly organized structures. The phrase a one way that I do is unnatural because do cannot be used this way to describe an activity. The ideas should be expressed with clear subjects and verbs, such as making paper crafts is one activity. Use then to connect the sequence of actions, and use write an essay for self-reflection to express the intended meaning clearly.

× As a child I would do with some papers, some doodling or I would get a paint and would would scrubble together with my siblings during our pastimes.

✓ As a child, I would doodle on paper or get some paint and paint together with my siblings in our free time.

The original sentence is missing a suitable verb after I would and contains unnecessary repeated words. Use the verb doodle directly instead of do with some papers, and use a parallel structure: would doodle or get some paint and paint. The phrase in our free time is more natural than during our pastimes in this context.

× Yes, I still truly enjoy writing letters as it is a means of showing affection and uh, that it that for me is is lovely as well as they can keep a physical remembrance of my of me showing my affections and emotions towards them.

✓ Yes, I still enjoy writing letters because they are a way to show affection, and they provide a physical reminder of the feelings I have expressed to the recipients.

The original sentence contains several incomplete clauses, repeated words, and unclear pronoun references. Use because to introduce the reason, and use they to refer clearly to letters. The expression a physical reminder of the feelings I have expressed is grammatically complete and more precise than a physical remembrance of me showing my affections.

× Personally, as what I have observed in my surroundings or my my friends or family, yes, I can still notice that they do keep personal messages, handwritten ones with them and from time to time I can still see or hear them reading those love letters.

✓ Personally, based on what I have observed among my friends and family, yes, I still notice that they keep handwritten messages, and from time to time I see them reading those love letters.

The preposition in the phrase in my surroundings is not suitable for referring to people. Use among my friends and family because among is used for relationships within a group. Also, based on what I have observed is the correct structure; as what I have observed is not grammatical.

× Personally, as what I have observed in my surroundings or my my friends or family, yes, I can still notice that they do keep personal messages, handwritten ones with them and from time to time I can still see or hear them reading those love letters.

✓ Personally, based on what I have observed among my friends and family, yes, I still notice that they keep handwritten messages, and from time to time I see them reading those love letters.

The original answer is a run-on sentence with unnecessary repetition and poorly connected ideas. Divide the information into clear clauses and connect them with and. Avoid repeating my and avoid using both see and hear when only seeing people read the letters is intended.

× Yes I do, it is also because I'm in the healthcare field and doing notes or like nursing notes is one of the essence in nursing in nursing diagnosis. So yes I do still.

✓ Yes, I do. This is also because I work in healthcare, and taking notes, such as nursing notes, is an essential part of nursing and nursing diagnosis. So, yes, I still carry them.

The phrase one of the essence is incorrect because essence is normally an uncountable noun and cannot be used in this structure. Use an essential part or one of the essential tasks instead. The expression in nursing diagnosis also needs a clearer noun phrase, such as of nursing and nursing diagnosis.

× Yes I do, it is also because I'm in the healthcare field and doing notes or like nursing notes is one of the essence in nursing in nursing diagnosis. So yes I do still.

✓ Yes, I do. This is also because I work in healthcare, and taking notes, such as nursing notes, is an essential part of nursing and nursing diagnosis. So, yes, I still carry them.

The original answer contains a comma splice, an unclear subject, and an incomplete final sentence. Use a full stop after Yes, I do, and make taking notes the subject of the second sentence. The final phrase should state clearly what you still carry: So, yes, I still carry them.