Paper— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid awkward phrasing (e.g. “I can't recall of”), and give one specific example with a brief result. Use linking words like 'however' to connect ideas.

예시: I haven't made many paper crafts. I did try origami several times; however, I couldn't complete many models because I was still learning the techniques. Now I plan to watch online tutorials to improve.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence and explain with specific details. Avoid unclear phrases like 'my mother used to childcare' — perhaps you meant 'scold' or 'look after'. Use a linking word to show consequence.

예시: As a child I liked cutting paper into shapes and strips. My mother often scolded me for making a mess, so I learned to do it quietly; later I enjoyed making simple paper collages from the pieces.

제안: Be precise and finish your thought. Use one clear reason and one specific example. Correct vocabulary errors (e.g. 'fashion birthday' unclear; 'letters are more personal'). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

예시: Yes, I still write physical letters on special occasions. For example, I wrote a handwritten farewell letter when a close friend moved abroad because a letter can convey emotion more personally than a text message.

제안: Avoid sweeping generalizations like 'everyone'. Give a balanced view with a specific example and correct grammar. Use linking words like 'however' to contrast digital habits.

예시: Some people still keep handwritten letters, especially ones from loved ones. For instance, I have two letters from friends that I keep in a box because they remind me of important moments; however, many others prefer digital messages now.

제안: Clarify vocabulary mistakes ('tie and a pill' unclear) and be concise. Start with a topic sentence, then give a specific reason and example. Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' appropriately.

예시: Yes, I always carry a notebook and a pen because I like to take quick notes. For example, I jot down important tasks or ideas immediately so I can remember details later.

× I can't recall of any particular craft I made using paper, but as far as I remember I tried doing origami multiple times but as I don't know how to do that, I was unable to make anything fruitful.

✓ I can't recall any particular craft I made using paper, but as far as I remember I tried origami multiple times; however, since I didn't know how to do it, I was unable to make anything successful.

Error type: incorrect use of the present participle and unnecessary preposition 'of' after 'recall'. Also tense consistency: 'don't know' should be past 'didn't know' because it refers to past attempts. 'Doing origami' is better as 'tried origami'. 'Fruitful' is awkward here; 'successful' is natural. Suggestion: Remove 'of' after 'recall', use 'tried origami', keep past tense 'didn't know', and replace 'fruitful' with 'successful' or 'anything worthwhile'.

× When I was a child, I used to cut papers a lot. My mother used to childcare because of this, but I barely listened to her and cut the papers into pieces without any particular aim.

✓ When I was a child, I used to cut paper a lot. My mother used to take care of me because of this, but I rarely listened to her and cut the paper into pieces without any particular aim.

Errors: 'papers' should be uncountable 'paper' for the general activity. 'Childcare' is a noun meaning the service; the correct verb phrase is 'take care of me' or 'look after me'. 'Barely listened' is odd here; 'rarely' or 'seldom' fits better. Also keep 'paper' singular as a mass noun. Suggestion: Use 'paper' as an uncountable noun for the activity, replace 'childcare' with 'take care of me', and use 'rarely' for frequency.

× Sometimes when it's like something very emotional, like a goodbye or a fashion birthday, I prefer writing letters because messages do not actually share the actual emotion, but the handwritten letters are quite.

✓ Sometimes when it's something very emotional, like a goodbye or a family birthday, I prefer writing letters because messages do not convey the real emotion, and handwritten letters are more meaningful.

Errors: 'it's like something' is informal and redundant; use 'it's something'. 'Fashion birthday' is incorrect — likely 'family birthday'. 'Do not actually share the actual emotion' is repetitive; 'convey the real emotion' is better. 'The handwritten letters are quite' is incomplete; needs a comparative adjective such as 'more meaningful'. Suggestion: Simplify 'it's something', correct noun 'family birthday', replace 'share the actual emotion' with 'convey the real emotion', and complete the sentence with 'more meaningful'.

× Yeah, uh, everyone keeps the handwritten letters with them. I have received one or two letters from my friends and I will keep them as long as I live those with me.

✓ Yes, people still keep handwritten letters. I have received one or two letters from my friends, and I will keep them with me as long as I live.

Errors: 'everyone keeps the handwritten letters with them' is awkward; 'people still keep handwritten letters' is clearer. Second clause has redundant and misplaced words: 'I will keep them as long as I live those with me' is ungrammatical. Correct form: 'I will keep them with me as long as I live.' Suggestion: Use 'people' instead of 'everyone' for general statement, and place 'with me' before the duration phrase 'as long as I live'.

× Yeah, I always keep a tie and a pill with me because I really like to take notes depending on whether the task is important or not, because it helps me to recall the whole scenario and take very short notes which might come handy in the future.

✓ Yes, I always keep a pen and a notebook with me because I like to take notes when a task is important; it helps me remember the whole situation and take brief notes that might come in handy in the future.

Errors: 'tie and a pill' are incorrect words for stationery; likely 'pen and a notebook' (or 'pen and paper'). 'Depending on whether the task is important or not' is wordy; use 'when a task is important'. 'Recall the whole scenario' is better as 'remember the whole situation'. 'Come handy' needs 'come in handy'. Suggestion: Use correct vocabulary 'pen and notebook' or 'pen and paper', streamline the conditional phrase to 'when a task is important', and use idiomatic 'come in handy'.