Paper— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Improve grammatical accuracy and cohesion: give one clear topic sentence, correct tense and vocabulary, and add one supporting detail using a linking word. For example, correct verb forms (attended, taught), use the word 'origami', and combine short fragments into full sentences.

예시: Yes, I made paper crafts when I was in high school. I attended a Japanese class where the teacher taught us origami, which is the art of paper folding. As a result, I learned to make simple figures like cranes and frogs, and I still remember how satisfying it was to finish each piece.

제안: Focus on correct tense, concise structure, and clearer linking: start with a topic sentence in past tense, use a linking word for contrast, and provide a specific detail about what you drew. Avoid repetition and long, awkward phrases.

예시: When I was a child I enjoyed drawing on paper. However, as I grew up I had less free time because of school and part-time jobs, so I rarely drew anymore. I especially liked drawing cartoons and animals, and I miss those relaxing afternoons.

제안: Clarify intent and fix vocabulary and grammar: state directly whether you still write letters, use correct nouns (cards), and explain one specific reason using a linking word. Remove unclear phrases and provide a concise example.

예시: Yes, I still write physical cards on special occasions. For instance, I usually handwrite birthday cards for my boyfriend and close friends because I think a personal message feels more meaningful than a text. This small gesture shows I put time into the relationship.

제안: Be more certain and use clearer vocabulary and examples: start with a direct opinion, use correct phrases (handwritten letters), and cite specific sources clearly (TikTok, Pinterest) as supporting evidence. Use a linking word to connect opinion and reason.

예시: I'm not completely sure, but I think some people still keep handwritten letters. For example, I often see creative card ideas on platforms like TikTok and Pinterest, which suggests that many people value physical, hand-made notes as keepsakes.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence and concise supporting details: state directly you don't carry them, explain why using correct verb forms and vocabulary (use, laptop, iPad, note apps), and give one specific situation when you might use paper. Avoid trailing unfinished phrases.

예시: Not usually. I mainly use my laptop or iPad for lectures and take notes with a note app on my iPhone. However, I might carry a small notebook and pen when I know I'll need to sketch ideas or when my devices run out of battery.

× Yes I did. When I was in high school.

✓ Yes, I did when I was in high school.

Combine the two fragments into one complete sentence and keep past tense consistent. The original had an unnecessary period creating a sentence fragment. Suggestion: Connect related clauses or use a conjunction to avoid fragments.

× I attend the Japanese class and the teacher like torch me about the orikami which I understand that is like paper hand.

✓ I attended a Japanese class and the teacher taught me about origami, which I understood was like folding paper by hand.

Multiple tense and word-choice errors: 'attend' should be past 'attended' to match 'When I was in high school', 'like torch me' is incorrect; use 'taught me', 'orikami' should be 'origami', and the clause about understanding should use past 'understood' and clearer wording. Suggestion: Use correct verb forms and vocabulary and keep tense consistent.

× I enjoy drawing when I was a child, however when I growing up I have not much leisure time for me to like drawing the pictures.

✓ I enjoyed drawing when I was a child; however, as I grew up I did not have much leisure time to draw pictures.

Mix of present and past tenses: 'enjoy' should be past 'enjoyed' to match 'when I was a child'; 'when I growing up' should be 'as I grew up'; 'have not much' should be past form 'did not have'; 'to like drawing the pictures' should be 'to draw pictures'. Suggestion: Maintain past tense for childhood actions and use correct infinitive forms.

× So I missed that time so much when I can have a time to drawing pictures.

✓ I really miss those times and hope I can find time to draw pictures again.

Original mixes past and present/modal forms awkwardly. 'Missed that time so much when I can have a time to drawing pictures' is ungrammatical. Suggestion: Decide whether speaker refers to past regret or present hope; here a clear present sentiment plus a future possibility uses 'miss' and 'hope I can find time to draw'.

× Yes, I usually do, especially on the special occasions for instance like my boyfriend's birthday or my friend's birthday.

✓ Yes, I usually do, especially on special occasions such as my boyfriend's or my friend's birthday.

Redundant words 'the special occasions for instance like' should be simplified. Use 'such as' to give examples and avoid repeating 'birthday'. Suggestion: Keep phrasing concise and parallel.

× So I usually do the cart my birthday card for them in writing because I believe that it can't like.

✓ So I usually write cards for them because I believe a handwritten message is more meaningful.

Original sentence is ungrammatical: 'do the cart my birthday card for them in writing' is confused; 'it can't like' is unclear. Suggestion: Use clear verb 'write' and state the reason clearly ('more meaningful').

× I'm not sure about this but I think that people still keep right the hand written letters to others nowadays because I have seen a lot of idea for cards throughout like tiptorks, umm, Pinterest in or Internet so.

✓ I'm not sure about this, but I think people still keep handwritten letters nowadays because I have seen many ideas for cards on TikTok, Pinterest, and the Internet.

Errors: 'keep right the hand written letters' should be 'keep handwritten letters'; 'a lot of idea' should be 'many ideas'; 'tiptorks' misspelling of 'TikTok'; awkward 'throughout like ... in or Internet so' should be 'on TikTok, Pinterest, and the Internet'. Suggestion: Use correct participle adjective 'handwritten', correct plural 'ideas', and list platforms clearly.

× Not really, because nowadays I mainly used like laptops or iPad for lecture or take a short note instead.

✓ Not really, because nowadays I mainly use a laptop or iPad for lectures or to take short notes instead.

Tense error: 'used' should be present 'use' to match 'nowadays'; 'laptops or iPad' should be singular and parallel: 'a laptop or iPad'; 'lecture' should be plural 'lectures' or 'for lectures' and 'take a short note' should be 'to take short notes'. Suggestion: Keep present tense for habitual actions and ensure parallel noun forms.

× Or maybe I will use like a note applications on my iPhone instead because it's quite.

✓ Or maybe I will use a notes app on my iPhone instead because it's convenient.

Problems: 'use like a note applications' is ungrammatical; should be 'use a notes app' or 'use note-taking applications'; 'because it's quite' is incomplete—'quite' needs a following adjective such as 'convenient'. Suggestion: Use specific noun phrases and complete comparative descriptions.