Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons or an example. Avoid repetition and reduce filler words. Use linking words (because, however, for example) to connect ideas. Keep it under five sentences.

예시: I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood and gives me energy. For example, upbeat pop songs help me feel motivated in the morning, so I start my day in a positive frame of mind.

제안: Remove fillers (uh, like) and unnatural phrases ("makes me full"). Give a concise affirmative sentence, then one or two specific effects with a brief example. Use linking words (so, therefore, for example) to keep coherence.

예시: Yes, happy music makes me feel more excited and energetic. For example, when I play lively songs in the morning, I often get up and dance, which improves my mood and helps me stay positive all day.

제안: Begin with a direct answer, then give brief, specific background and a clear current intention. Avoid repetition and fillers. Use linking words (but, because, however) to structure the response within three sentences.

예시: No, I haven't taken music classes. When I was a child I considered them but chose dance lessons instead because I was more interested in dancing. However, I would like to take music classes now to learn singing or an instrument.

제안: Answer directly, then give two specific examples with linking words. Eliminate repetition and fillers. Use precise vocabulary (e.g., "housework," "instrumental tracks") and keep it within three sentences.

예시: Yes, I often listen to music while doing housework. For example, I play upbeat songs while tidying my cupboard to stay motivated, and I prefer instrumental tracks when cooking so the music doesn't distract me from the tasks.

× I prefer happy music to sad music because it lifts my mind and makes my day good.

✓ I prefer happy music to sad music because it lifts my spirits and makes my day better.

Use of 'lifts my mind' is unnatural and 'makes my day good' is awkward. Replace with common collocations: 'lifts my spirits' and 'makes my day better'. These are adjective/adverb choice issues and collocations improvement.

× It's not that I do not like sad music, but listening to upbeat songs can cheer my day and make me happy.

✓ It's not that I don't like sad music, but listening to upbeat songs can cheer me up and make me happy.

Phrase 'cheer my day' is incorrect; the correct verb phrase is 'cheer me up'. This is an incorrect use of conjunction/phrase leading to wrong object; revise to 'cheer me up'.

× And if I'm dull or stressful, it would make me more energetic.

✓ And if I'm feeling dull or stressed, it makes me more energetic.

After 'if' use present tense for real situations. 'I'm dull or stressful' is unnatural: use 'feeling dull or stressed'. Also 'would make' suggests conditional; simple present 'makes' fits habitual effect. This is verb + -ing and tense choice.

× Yes, happy music definitely makes me full, more excited.

✓ Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel fuller and more excited.

'Makes me full' is incorrect in this context; 'full' usually refers to being satiated. Use 'feel fuller' or better omit 'full' if unnecessary. This is adjective/adverb misuse; 'feel' + adjective is correct structure.

× It energizes me and uh, lifts my mood so often that I feel like getting up from my chair and dancing to the upbeat songs.

✓ It energizes me and lifts my mood so much that I feel like getting up from my chair and dancing to upbeat songs.

'So often that' is wrong here; 'so much that' expresses degree. Remove filler 'uh' and article before 'upbeat songs' is unnecessary. This fixes sentence structure and collocation.

× Uh, for example, if I start my day with the happy music, I am like relaxed, uh, for the whole day and feel very positive about the day.

✓ For example, if I start my day with happy music, I feel relaxed for the whole day and very positive about it.

Remove filler 'uh'. 'The happy music' is wrong; use 'happy music' (no article). 'I am like relaxed' is informal/incorrect; use 'I feel relaxed'. Avoid repeating 'the day'—use 'it'. This corrects preposition/article and sentence structure.

× No, I have not taken any music classes but when I was a kid I thought of joining a music class but I did not join one because I am more into dancing so I joined a dance class.

✓ No, I have not taken any music classes, but when I was a kid I thought of joining one. I did not join because I was more into dancing, so I joined a dance class.

Combine and punctuate sentences for clarity and adjust tense consistency: 'when I was a kid' and subsequent actions should use past simple 'did not join' and 'was more into dancing'. Also make pronoun references clear. This fixes past tense and sentence structure.

× But until today I wish to join a music class if given uh good choice.

✓ But even now I would like to join a music class if I had the opportunity.

'Until today I wish' is incorrect. Use 'even now' or 'still' and 'would like' to express desire; 'if given good choice' is ungrammatical—replace with 'if I had the opportunity'. This corrects future/conditional phrasing.

× Yes, I often listen to music while doing other things, especially when I am tidying my cupboard or putting away my clothes.

✓ Yes, I often listen to music while doing other things, especially when I'm tidying my cupboard or putting away my clothes.

Change 'I am' to contraction 'I'm' is stylistic; main issue is fine. No pronoun error; this suggestion is minor style improvement. If strict, original pronoun use was acceptable. Provided improved natural phrasing.

× I I prefer listening to upbeat songs and also when I'm cooking I like to hear instrumental, uh, music so that it doesn't feel a repetitive work to do.

✓ I prefer listening to upbeat songs, and when I'm cooking I like to listen to instrumental music so that it doesn't feel like repetitive work.

Remove duplicate 'I'. Use 'listen to' rather than 'hear' for intentional listening. Remove filler 'uh'. 'A repetitive work' is incorrect—use 'like repetitive work' or 'like a repetitive task'. This corrects article and verb choice and improves sentence structure.