Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more precise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, correct word choice (use "sad music" rather than "tragedy"), and add one specific supporting reason. Keep it under five sentences and avoid redundancy.

예시: I usually prefer sad music because it helps me process my emotions. For example, when I feel blue, listening to a slow piano song lets me cry and then feel calmer and more focused.

제안: Improve grammar and clarity: use a correct phrase like "as far as I'm concerned," give a specific result, and avoid vague words like "whatever." Use linking words to connect ideas.

예시: As far as I'm concerned, happy music does make me feel more energetic, so I work better. For instance, upbeat pop songs help me dance lightly while doing chores, which keeps my mood high and my pace faster.

제안: Make the response more concise and structured: begin with a direct statement, then give a specific reason and a future plan. Avoid repeating phrases and keep sentences varied.

예시: No, I haven't taken music classes because I currently don't have enough free time. However, I think lessons would be enjoyable and useful, so if my schedule frees up next year I plan to sign up for beginner guitar classes.

제안: Streamline and add specific details: state the activity, explain how music helps with a clear reason, and avoid repetition. Use linking words to make it coherent.

예시: Yes, I often listen to music while cleaning, especially the bathroom. Listening to energetic songs keeps me motivated and prevents me from getting tired, so I clean more quickly and enjoy the task.

× As far as I concerned, when I listen to happy music, it gives me energy and I can do it.

✓ As far as I am concerned, when I listen to happy music, it gives me energy and I can do things.

The phrase 'As far as I concerned' is missing the verb 'am' and should be 'As far as I am concerned' (preposition/phrase usage). Also 'do it' is vague and unnatural here; 'do things' or 'get things done' is more appropriate. Suggestion: use complete fixed expressions and choose a clearer verb phrase.

× I can do my jobs with dancing and whatever.

✓ I can do my jobs while dancing and so on.

The original uses 'with dancing and whatever', which is informal and ungrammatical. 'While dancing' correctly indicates simultaneous actions; 'and so on' or 'etc.' is a clearer way to indicate unspecified examples. Suggestion: use 'while' for simultaneous actions and avoid vague filler words like 'whatever' in formal speech.

× Honestly, I don't have enough time to take music classes, but I think it's a good activity for my leisure time and if I have enough time I will sign up for music classes.

✓ Honestly, I don't have enough time to take music classes, but I think they are a good activity for my leisure time, and if I have enough time I will sign up for them.

The sentence mixes singular/plural reference: 'music classes' is plural, so pronouns referring to it should be plural ('they' and 'them') rather than 'it's' and 'sign up for music classes' repetition is awkward. Suggestion: maintain number agreement by using plural pronouns and avoid unnecessary repetition.

× I usually listen to music while I'm cleaning my bathroom because it helps me to get full of energy and tidy my bathroom and I won't get exhausted.

✓ I usually listen to music while I'm cleaning my bathroom because it helps me feel full of energy, tidy the bathroom, and avoid getting exhausted.

Problems: 'helps me to get full of energy' is unnatural; use 'helps me feel full of energy'. Repeating 'my bathroom' is redundant; 'the bathroom' is better. 'I won't get exhausted' is unnatural for habitual action—use 'avoid getting exhausted'. Suggestion: use natural collocations ('feel full of energy') and concise structure for lists of effects.

× Well, I prefer tragedy and sad music because when I feel blue, I can cry and feel better.

✓ Well, I prefer tragic and sad music because when I feel blue, I can cry and feel better.

The word 'tragedy' refers to a genre or event; the adjective 'tragic' fits better with 'music'. This is a word choice issue that affects grammatical form. Suggestion: use appropriate adjective forms (tragic) when describing types of music.