Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and add a brief specific example and a linking word for clarity. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific reason and an example. Avoid redundancy like repeating that music affects mood.

예시: I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood. For example, when I feel stressed after work I play upbeat pop songs with positive lyrics and a strong rhythm, which helps me relax and feel more optimistic.

제안: Combine sentences to eliminate fillers and hesitation, use a linking word to show cause and effect, and give a specific brief example of a song or task. Correct small errors (e.g., "it it") and avoid repeating the same idea.

예시: Yes, it does, because upbeat music energizes me. For instance, when I'm washing dishes I play fast-tempo tracks like dance or pop, which motivates me and helps me finish chores more quickly.

제안: State your answer directly, then give one clear plan or reason. Remove redundant phrases like repeating 'really' and use a linking word for intention. Mention when and what kind of class to sound specific.

예시: No, I haven't taken formal music classes, but I enjoy playing the piano, so I plan to enroll in a weekly intermediate piano course next year to improve my technique and learn music theory.

제안: Give a concise topic sentence, then add one specific example of how music helps you in different tasks. Use linking words (for example, and therefore) and avoid repeating similar outcomes.

예시: Yes, I often listen to music while doing other things. For example, I play instrumental tracks when studying to improve concentration, and upbeat pop music when cleaning, which makes me feel energetic and helps me finish tasks faster.

× I prefer happy music because music does affect my mood, so when I feel stressed I always listen to some songs that have positive lyrics or have a strong rhythm.

✓ I prefer happy music because music does affect my mood, so when I feel stressed I always listen to songs that have positive lyrics or a strong rhythm.

Avoid redundant words: 'some songs that have positive lyrics or have a strong rhythm' repeats 'have'. Use parallel structure 'songs that have positive lyrics or a strong rhythm'. This is a present participle/structure clarity issue; keep verbs consistent and avoid unnecessary repetition. Suggestion: Remove 'some' if not needed and ensure parallel structure: 'listen to songs that have positive lyrics or a strong rhythm.'

× Yes it does. I usually listen to happy songs when I am doing boring housework. Yeah and it it does help me be more motivated and finish my works faster.

✓ Yes, it does. I usually listen to happy songs when I am doing boring housework. Yeah, and it does help me be more motivated and finish my work faster.

Punctuation and repetition: add commas after interjections for clarity. Remove duplicated 'it'. 'Works' used for tasks is incorrect here; 'work' (uncountable) is correct. This is an adverb/word choice and punctuation issue. Suggestion: Use 'Yes, it does.' and 'finish my work faster.' and remove duplicate words.

× No, I haven't taken any music classes, but I really enjoy playing piano so that I really think that in the near future I will take a serious piano class to improve my technique.

✓ No, I haven't taken any music classes, but I really enjoy playing the piano, so I think that in the near future I will take a serious piano class to improve my technique.

Article and conjunction issues: 'playing piano' should be 'playing the piano' in general reference. 'So that I really think that' is awkward; use 'so I think that'. This mixes tense and article usage. Suggestion: Use 'playing the piano' and simplify conjunctions for natural present/future reference.

× Yes I do. I always listen to music when I am studying or when I am doing housework because it does make me feel more energetic and more focused so that I can finish my tasks faster.

✓ Yes, I do. I always listen to music when I am studying or doing housework because it makes me feel more energetic and focused, so I can finish my tasks faster.

Redundant conjunctions and auxiliary verbs: omit the repeated 'when I am' and use simple present progressive where needed. 'It does make' is acceptable for emphasis but can be simplified to 'it makes'. 'More energetic and more focused' can be shortened to 'energetic and focused'. Use commas to separate clauses. Suggestion: Remove unnecessary repetition and streamline for natural speech.