Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more coherent and concise: state your preference clearly in one sentence, avoid fillers and inappropriate words (e.g., "dumb"), and give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Keep your answer under five sentences.

예시: I like both sad and happy music, but I mostly listen to sad songs because they are slower and more emotional. For example, sad songs help me relax after a stressful day and I appreciate the classic melodies, so I often choose them when I want to unwind.

제안: Give a clear, grammatical sentence and follow with a specific example. Use linking words (because, for example) and avoid vague or repeated phrases like "emotional emotions".

예시: Yes, happy music makes me feel more excited because its upbeat tempo and cheerful lyrics lift my mood. For example, when I play pop songs during a road trip, I feel more energetic and enjoy the journey more.

제안: Answer directly and respectfully. Explain briefly and clearly why you have not taken classes, avoiding contradictory or unclear statements. Use one or two sentences with a linking word if needed.

예시: No, I haven't taken any formal music classes because, in my family, listening to music is discouraged for religious reasons. However, I still enjoy music privately and learn songs by listening online.

제안: Provide a clear topic sentence and then a specific example of activities. Use linking words (for example, so) and simple vocabulary to explain the effect of music on your mood.

예시: Yes, I often listen to music while studying or commuting because it helps me relax and focus. For example, calm instrumental tracks reduce my stress and make it easier to concentrate on reading or homework.

× I prefer uh, both of them, but mostly I listen sad songs, uh, because they are slow, uh, dumb and classic and uh uh, good to hear they.

✓ I prefer both, but mostly I listen to sad songs because they are slow, dumb, classic, and pleasant to hear.

Original sentence had pluralization and word order issues: 'I prefer uh, both of them' -> 'I prefer both'; missing preposition 'listen to'; awkward placement 'good to hear they' should be 'pleasant to hear'. Also extra filler words removed. Suggestion: include 'to' after 'listen' and place adjectives before 'to hear'. Use appropriate adjective 'pleasant' instead of 'good' with 'to hear'.

× Yes, happy music make me more excited because these are related to the emotional emotions when we go network day for feel like most excitement and enjoy the road trip with it.

✓ Yes, happy music makes me more excited because it is related to emotions when we go on a day trip and feel excited and enjoy the road trip.

Subject-verb agreement: 'happy music' is singular so use 'makes' not 'make'. 'These are' should be 'it is' or 'they are' depending; here 'music' is treated singular. Remove redundant 'emotional emotions'. Preposition and noun phrase errors: 'go network day' -> 'go on a day trip'. Rephrase for clarity. Suggestion: use 'makes' for singular subjects and simplify redundant phrases.

× Oh, I didn't take in any music classes.

✓ Oh, I didn't take any music classes.

Incorrect use of preposition 'in' after 'take' in this context. 'Take (classes)' does not require 'in'. The auxiliary 'didn't' correctly marks past tense. Suggestion: omit 'in' after 'take' when referring to classes.

× In our religion, music is Haram or you do not or have permission to listen to music.

✓ In our religion, music is Haram, so we are not permitted to listen to it.

Awkward phrasing and incorrect modal/permission structure. Use 'permitted' or 'allowed' and refer back to 'music' with 'it'. Use 'so' to show result rather than 'or'. Suggestion: use 'we are not permitted' or 'we are not allowed' and replace 'or you do not or have permission' with a clear negative construction.

× And we only just, uh, enjoy our music.

✓ We only sometimes enjoy other forms of spiritual singing instead.

Original contradicts prior statement that music is Haram; 'enjoy our music' unclear. I suggested a clearer alternative consistent with context: if music is restricted, people may enjoy permitted forms. Also removed fillers. Suggestion: clarify what 'our music' means and keep sentence consistent with previous claim.

× Yes, uh, I listen music when uh, because uh, they uh uh will be relaxed and notions are awakened.

✓ Yes, I listen to music while doing other things because it helps me relax and awakens my emotions.

Missing 'to' after 'listen' and incorrect tense/structure 'will be relaxed' should be present simple 'helps me relax'. 'Notions are awakened' is unnatural; 'awakens my emotions' is clearer. Suggestion: use 'listen to', 'while' for simultaneous actions, and choose natural verbs for emotional responses.

× Mood swings will be lesser than other.

✓ Mood swings are less frequent than before.

Incorrect comparative structure: 'lesser than other' is ungrammatical. 'Less frequent than before' or 'less extreme than before' is correct. Also using future 'will be' is unnecessary; present simple fits general statement. Suggestion: use 'less frequent' or 'less intense' and compare to a clear reference like 'before' or 'when I am not listening'.