Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct grammar, avoid unclear phrases and vocabulary errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Correct word choices (e.g. remove “hops” and “kids contact”) and watch sentence structure and articles.

예시: I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood. For example, when I am doing household chores or feeling down, cheerful songs make me feel more energetic and help me concentrate on my tasks.

제안: Avoid repetition and improve coherence with linking words. Give one clear reason and a concrete example. Use correct expressions (e.g. “improves blood circulation”) and keep sentences concise (maximum 3–4 sentences).

예시: Yes, happy music does make me feel more excited because it boosts my mood and energy. For instance, upbeat songs motivate me to focus better during study sessions, and they even make me feel physically more alert by improving my blood circulation.

× I prefer happy music because listening to happy music puts me in a good mood.

✓ I prefer happy music because listening to happy music puts me in a good mood.

No change needed; sentence is correct. 'Listening' is correctly used as a gerund after 'because'.

× I mean whenever I'm doing chores or when I'm sad, listening to happy music hops helps to improve the kids contact.

✓ I mean whenever I'm doing chores or when I'm sad, listening to happy music helps to improve my contact with people.

Original sentence contains an extra word 'hops' (likely a mistake) and unclear phrase 'the kids contact'. The verb 'helps' correctly follows the gerund 'listening'. Replace 'the kids contact' with 'my contact with people' (or specify whom you mean) to make the object clear and grammatically correct. Suggestion: remove stray words, use clear noun phrase.

× Yes, happy music makes me feel more excited because listening to it puts me in good mood.

✓ Yes, happy music makes me feel more excited because listening to it puts me in a good mood.

Missing article 'a' before 'good mood'. In English, 'in a good mood' requires the indefinite article. Tense is correct (present simple). Add 'a' to fix the noun phrase.

× When I'm in good mood, I am naturally excited.

✓ When I'm in a good mood, I am naturally excited.

Same article omission: 'in a good mood' needs the article 'a'. The rest of the sentence correctly uses present simple.

× Being excited helps me think more, helps me improve more, and helps blood circle in the body to.

✓ Being excited helps me think more, helps me improve more, and helps the blood circulate in my body.

Multiple issues: unnatural phrase 'helps blood circle in the body to' is ungrammatical. Correct structure uses 'helps' + base verb 'circulate'. Add definite article 'the' before 'blood' and possessive 'my' before 'body' for clarity. Remove trailing 'to'. Also maintain parallel structure: 'helps me think', 'helps me improve', 'helps the blood circulate'.