Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Make the answer more natural and concise: start with a direct topic sentence, avoid article misuse (“a happy music” → “happy music”), and add one specific example to support your point. Keep to maximum 3–4 sentences and use linking words (for example, because, so) to connect ideas.

예시: I prefer happy music because it instantly lifts my mood. For example, upbeat pop songs with lively rhythms help me forget my worries and feel more energetic, so I can focus on tasks or go for a run.

제안: Avoid repetition and vague phrases like “elevates my soul.” Give a clear topic sentence, then one concise supporting detail with a linking word (for example or because). Use specific sensations or activities to illustrate the excitement.

예시: Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more excited because its fast tempo and positive lyrics boost my energy. For instance, when I listen to energetic songs while exercising, I feel more motivated and my heart rate picks up, so I train harder.

× I prefer a happy music because it elevates my spirit.

✓ I prefer happy music because it elevates my spirit.

The noun 'music' is an uncountable noun and does not take the indefinite article 'a'. Remove 'a' to make the sentence grammatically correct. Suggestion: use 'happy music' or 'a happy song' if referring to a single track.

× Happy music drives away all my fears and my sadness for a period of time.

✓ Happy music drives away all my fears and sadness for a period of time.

The phrase 'my sadness' is not ungrammatical, but using both 'my fears and my sadness' is stylistically repetitive. Removing the second 'my' makes the sentence more natural. If treating 'sadness' as a general uncountable noun, 'my' is optional. Suggestion: omit the repeated possessive for concision.

× It motivates me to move on.

✓ It motivates me to move on.

This sentence is grammatically correct. 'To move on' correctly follows 'motivates' as an infinitive expressing purpose. No change needed.

× Happy music makes me feel excited in so many ways.

✓ Happy music makes me feel excited in many ways.

The phrase 'in so many ways' is informal but not incorrect. For concision and formality, 'in many ways' is preferable. The grammar (use of causative 'makes' + object + adjective) is correct. Suggestion: use 'in many ways' for clearer expression.

× For instance, when I'm down or I'm worried, when I listen to happy music, it excites me.

✓ For instance, when I'm down or worried and I listen to happy music, it excites me.

The original has a redundant 'when' creating an awkward structure. Combine clauses to avoid repetition: 'when I'm down or worried and I listen...' keeps the time condition and the result clear. Suggestion: avoid stacking identical subordinators.

× It elevates my soul.

✓ It elevates my spirits.

'Elevates my soul' is not incorrect grammatically, but 'elevates my spirits' is the idiomatic expression in English to mean improving mood. Suggestion: use the idiomatic phrase 'elevates my spirits' for naturalness.