Music— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct grammar, use a clear topic sentence and one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Avoid repetition and informal fillers. Also fix common errors (use "affects" not "effects"). Aim for 2–4 sentences, e.g. state your preference, give a reason and a short example.

예시: I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood and helps me stay positive. For example, upbeat songs with a strong rhythm make me feel more energetic when I need motivation. Therefore I usually choose cheerful playlists when I work or exercise.

제안: Provide a direct answer, then give a specific reason and a brief example using a linking word (e.g. "because" or "for instance"). Avoid repeating the same idea; expand with a precise situation where it helps. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

예시: Yes, happy music definitely makes me more excited because upbeat tempos increase my energy and reduce stress. For instance, I play lively tracks before presentations to calm my nerves and boost confidence.

× For me personally, I prefer happy music because happy music can affect my mood.

✓ For me personally, I prefer happy music because happy music can affect my mood.

No grammatical error that matches the provided list; sentence is acceptable. Keep as is.

× Music in general effects everyone's mood.

✓ Music in general affects everyone's mood.

The verb 'effects' is incorrect here; the correct verb is 'affects' meaning 'has an influence on'. 'Effects' is usually a noun or means 'to bring about' and is not appropriate in this context. Replace 'effects' with 'affects' to agree with the subject and intended meaning.

× Like if you play sad music, that's what's going on around you, that's what represents what you're feeling in that moment.

✓ For example, if you play sad music, it reflects what is going on around you and represents what you're feeling in that moment.

The original uses conversational 'Like' and fragmented clauses that cause awkward structure. 'Like' as a sentence starter is informal; replace with 'For example'. Use 'it reflects' instead of 'that's what's going on around you' to make the subject clear and ensure correct clause linking. Combine clauses with 'and' for smoother flow and correct pronoun reference.

× So me personally, I would want to.

✓ So personally, I would prefer that.

The original is a fragment ending with 'want to' without completing the action. 'Me personally' is informal and redundant; use 'personally'. Complete the verb phrase by specifying the object ('prefer that') to avoid a sentence without a verb or with an incomplete verb phrase.

× Yes, happy music makes me excited, especially if I'm in a situation where I am pressured. I listen to happy music.

✓ Yes, happy music makes me excited, especially when I'm in a situation where I feel pressured, so I listen to happy music.

Use 'when' instead of 'if' for habitual or typical situations. 'I am pressured' is awkward; 'I feel pressured' is a natural expression. Combine the two short sentences with 'so' to show cause and effect and improve cohesion.