Tidiness— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and accurate with grammar and vocabulary. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh), correct plural/singular errors (every weekend), and use precise vocabulary (cupboard instead of company cabinet). Add one specific detail using a linking word.

예시: Yes, I do. I clean the whole house every weekend; for example, I vacuum the floors and wipe down the kitchen cupboards and desks so everything stays neat and dust-free.

제안: Give a clear past-tense topic sentence and use smoother past narration. Remove hesitations and be specific about methods or reasons. Use linking words (for example/so) and correct tense and articles.

예시: Yes, I did. When I was about nine or ten, I organized my toys, books and pens into boxes and shelves, so I could find things easily and keep my room tidy.

제안: Clarify the meaning and avoid unclear words. Use a clear structure: topic sentence describing your method, then one or two supporting details with linking words. Replace vague words with precise phrases (minimal items, stationery).

예시: I keep my desk minimal. For example, I only have a laptop, a notepad and a pen on the surface, and I store other supplies in a drawer so the workspace stays clutter-free.

제안: State your opinion clearly and support it with specific reasons using linking words. Correct grammar (being tidy, makes not can makes) and avoid filler words. Provide one concrete example of the benefit.

예시: Yes, I believe being tidy is important because it helps me stay calm and focused; for instance, when my desk is organized I can quickly find documents and work more efficiently.

× every weekends I will clean the whole home, including the floors, the company cabinet, uh, and everything.

✓ every weekend I will clean the whole house, including the floors, the company cabinet, and everything.

'Every' with a time expression takes singular form: use 'every weekend' not 'every weekends'. Also 'home' as a noun meaning dwelling should be 'house' here for naturalness; this is optional but improves clarity. Remove filler words and redundant commas.

× every weekends I will clean the whole home, including the floors, the company cabinet, uh, and everything.

✓ every weekend I clean the whole house, including the floors, the company cabinet, and everything.

The student used 'will' which can be correct but habitual actions are better expressed with the present simple: 'I clean every weekend' or 'Every weekend I clean...'. Use present simple for routines.

× All the desks, I will clean them, keep them tidy.

✓ I clean all the desks and keep them tidy.

For habitual actions, use present simple: 'I clean' and 'keep'. Also avoid redundant pronoun 'them' after 'all the desks' and combine into a single coordinated clause.

× I remember when I about 9 or 10 years old, I know how to organize the things, uh, for example, toy and everything, uh, in the room, for example, my books, uh, pens, uh. Clothes. Everything.

✓ I remember when I was about 9 or 10 years old; I knew how to organize things, for example toys, books, pens, and clothes in my room.

'Remember' refers to a past time so verbs describing that time must be past: use 'was' (for age) and 'knew' (past). Use plural 'toys' and list items with commas. Combine fragments into a complete sentence.

× I remember when I about 9 or 10 years old, I know how to organize the things, uh, for example, toy and everything, uh, in the room, for example, my books, uh, pens, uh. Clothes. Everything.

✓ I remember when I was about 9 or 10 years old; I knew how to organize things in my room, for example toys, books, pens, and clothes.

Use 'in my room' rather than 'in the room' for possession/context. Also use 'about' with 'was' and plural nouns for general items ('toys'). Remove unnecessary fillers.

× I am a very simple person. I don't like to buy any, uh, actor since, uh, actually use this, uh, since umm, in my work desk, I only keep the necessary things and no uh.

✓ I am a very simple person. I don't like to buy unnecessary items; at my desk I only keep the necessary things.

The original has confusion with vocabulary and tense. Replace 'buy any actor' with 'buy unnecessary items'. Use present simple for general statements. 'At my desk' is the correct prepositional phrase. Remove fillers and incomplete clause 'and no uh'.

× I think that high day to be tidy and organized, uh, can makes me feel calm and focused and can find anything easily.

✓ I think that it is important to be tidy and organized; it makes me feel calm and focused and helps me find things easily.

'High day' is incorrect; likely meant 'important'. Use 'it is important' or 'important to be tidy'. 'Can makes' is wrong: 'makes' (present simple) or 'can make' but not both. Use parallel structure: 'makes me feel' and 'helps me find'.