Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Answer the question directly in the past tense and avoid confusing verb forms such as “go to went to.” Use natural expressions like “play with my friends” instead of “do some amusement,” and say “I really enjoyed myself there” rather than “I literally enjoyed there.” Add one specific activity to make the answer more effective.

예시: Yes, I did. When I was a child, I often went to a park near my home to meet and play with my friends. We usually played on the swings or kicked a ball around, so I really enjoyed spending time there.

제안: Improve the sentence structure by separating the ideas and using a clear topic sentence. “A park near my home” is more natural than “go there near my home,” and “with my friends at home” is unclear; say “with my friends” or “with my family.” Explain specifically what you do there, such as taking a walk or looking at cherry blossoms.

예시: Yes, I do. There is a large park near my home, and I sometimes go there with my friends. I especially enjoy visiting in spring because we can see beautiful cherry blossoms. We usually take a walk and chat together.

제안: Complete the first sentence with “see more parks in my city.” Clarify the contrast: Kyoto has many religious sites, but it needs more ordinary public parks. The phrases “places to tell or lyrics” are not meaningful in this context, so use “places to relax” or “green spaces.” Give a specific reason, such as providing residents with places for exercise and relaxation.

예시: Yes, I would. Kyoto has many beautiful shrines and temples, but it does not have enough ordinary green spaces where people can relax. More parks would give local residents places to exercise, have picnics, and enjoy nature without visiting a religious site.

제안: Name the park accurately and avoid using “literally” as an unnecessary filler. Use the past tense in “I saw it on a TV show,” and say “there are” only if you are describing the park now; otherwise, “it had” may be appropriate. Explain which attraction interests you most and why you want to visit it.

예시: Yes, I’d like to visit Expo ’70 Commemorative Park in Osaka. I saw it on a TV show about a month ago, and it looked fascinating because it has museums, gardens, and various recreational facilities. I’d especially like to visit the museums and spend a relaxing day there.

× I often go to went to that park and meet with my friends.

✓ I often went to that park and met with my friends.

The question asks about a childhood habit, so the answer should use the past tense. Use went instead of go and met instead of meet. Also, remove go to because go to went is an incorrect combination.

× Also I like to do some amusement there so I literally enjoyed there.

✓ I also enjoyed myself there.

The verb enjoy normally needs an object, such as myself, the park, or the experience. The original sentence also combines ideas awkwardly. Use a complete and natural structure such as I enjoyed myself there.

× I sometimes go there near my home there is a big park and we can feel the seasons there, in particular, the spring is a good season for cherry blossoms.

✓ I sometimes go there. There is a big park near my home, and we can experience the seasons there. In particular, spring is a good season for cherry blossoms.

The original sentence contains several independent clauses joined without appropriate punctuation or sentence boundaries. Separate the ideas into complete sentences. In general statements, spring is usually used without the definite article the.

× We sometimes go there with my friends at home.

✓ We sometimes go there with my friends.

The phrase at home means that the activity takes place at home, which conflicts with going to the park. Remove at home because the intended location is the park.

× Yes, I would like to in my city, Kyoto has many shrines or temples, but there are few places to tell or lyrics without religious meaning.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. Kyoto has many shrines and temples, but there are few places like parks that are not connected with religious activities.

The phrase would like to is incomplete because it must be followed by a base-form verb. Add see more parks. The original sentence also joins independent clauses with commas, so divide it into separate sentences.

× Kyoto has many shrines or temples, but there are few places to tell or lyrics without religious meaning.

✓ Kyoto has many shrines and temples, but there are few places like parks that are not connected with religious activities.

Use and to connect two items that are both present: shrines and temples. The conjunction or suggests a choice between alternatives, which is not the intended meaning here.

× About one month ago I saw it in that TV show and there are many museums or amusements in there and it looks so great.

✓ About one month ago, I saw it on that TV show. There are many museums and amusement facilities there, and it looks so great.

We normally say that something appears on a TV show, not in a TV show. We also use there, rather than in there, when referring to a place already mentioned. The original sentence is a run-on, so it should be divided into two sentences.

× There are many museums or amusements in there and it looks so great.

✓ There are many museums and amusement facilities there, and it looks so great.

Use and because the speaker is adding two related positive details, not presenting alternatives. The phrase amusement facilities is also the appropriate noun phrase for places or attractions that provide entertainment.

× About one month ago I saw it in that TV show and there are many museums or amusements in there and it looks so great.

✓ About one month ago, I saw it on that TV show. It has many museums and amusement facilities, and it looks so great.

The original sentence contains several independent clauses joined together without clear sentence boundaries. Dividing the ideas makes the answer easier to understand and grammatically complete.