Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Answer directly with a natural topic sentence, such as “Yes, I did.” Avoid the incorrect structure “because which” and use the plural “parks” when speaking generally. Use “one of the safest places,” not “one of the most safety place,” and replace the unclear phrase “ride practical” with a specific activity, such as “ride my bike.” Add one or two well-linked details with “because” and “for example.”

예시: Yes, I did. I often went to parks because they were safe places where I could play freely. For example, I played soccer or basketball with my friends, and I sometimes rode my bike there.

제안: The response does not answer the examiner’s question; it gives feedback about another answer instead. Begin with a clear personal answer, such as “Yes, I do,” and then explain why. Keep the answer within three or four sentences and use relevant details about what you do in parks now. Avoid unrelated grammar comments and evaluation language.

예시: Yes, I do. I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax after a busy day. I usually sit on a bench, read a book, and enjoy the green scenery. Parks also give me a refreshing break from the noise of the city.

제안: Make the opening clearer by saying “Yes, I’d like to see more parks in my city.” The phrase “for kids now they are a little place” is unclear; say “Parks provide safe places for children to play.” Use the correct article and verb agreement in “the government has to,” and use “parks,” not “perks.” Explain one or two specific benefits, such as exercise, social development, or access to nature, and link the ideas with “because” or “as a result.”

예시: Yes, I’d like to see more parks in my city. They would provide safe places for children to play and exercise. I think the government should build more of them because they help children stay healthy and socialize with others.

제안: Use the correct name and article: “Yoyogi Park” and “in the future.” Say “I recently moved to Tokyo” instead of “just now I moved to Tokyo.” Improve the contrast with “although it is in the center of Tokyo,” and replace the incorrect word “lair” with “large,” “peaceful,” or “beautiful,” depending on your meaning. Give a specific reason for visiting, such as walking, relaxing, or seeing the seasonal scenery.

예시: Yes. I recently moved to Tokyo, so I’d like to visit Yoyogi Park in the future. I’ve heard that it has beautiful green spaces even though it is in the center of the city. I want to go there to take a walk and enjoy a peaceful break from Tokyo’s busy streets.

× Yes, I liked playing at Park because which is one of the most safety place in the world so I can play freely for example, for soccer or basketball and also I can ride practical.

✓ Yes, I liked playing at the park because it was one of the safest places in the world, so I could play freely—for example, play soccer or basketball—and I could also ride my bicycle.

A common noun such as park needs the definite article the when referring to a specific park. Also, the sentence needs a clear subject and verb after because; it should be because it was, not because which is.

× Yes, I liked playing at Park because which is one of the most safety place in the world so I can play freely for example, for soccer or basketball and also I can ride practical.

✓ Yes, I liked playing at the park because it was one of the safest places in the world, so I could play freely—for example, play soccer or basketball—and I could also ride my bicycle.

Because which creates an incomplete and incorrectly connected clause. Use because it was to introduce the reason. The sentence also needs clearer coordination between the activities.

× Yes, I liked playing at Park because which is one of the most safety place in the world so I can play freely for example, for soccer or basketball and also I can ride practical.

✓ Yes, I liked playing at the park because it was one of the safest places in the world, so I could play freely—for example, play soccer or basketball—and I could also ride my bicycle.

Safety is a noun, but an adjective is needed before place. Use safe or, in the superlative form, safest. Practical is an adjective and cannot be used as the noun after ride; bicycle is the appropriate noun.

× Yes, I liked playing at Park because which is one of the most safety place in the world so I can play freely for example, for soccer or basketball and also I can ride practical.

✓ Yes, I liked playing at the park because it was one of the safest places in the world, so I could play freely—for example, play soccer or basketball—and I could also ride my bicycle.

After one of the, the following noun must be plural. Therefore, use places, not place.

× Yes, I liked playing at Park because which is one of the most safety place in the world so I can play freely for example, for soccer or basketball and also I can ride practical.

✓ Yes, I liked playing at the park because it was one of the safest places in the world, so I could play freely—for example, play soccer or basketball—and I could also ride my bicycle.

The question asks about childhood, so the answer should consistently use past-time forms. Change is to was and can to could.

× Yes, for kids now they are a little place to play safely. So government have to make a lot of perks for kids to make them grow up healthily and freely.

✓ Yes, parks are safe places for children to play. The government has to build more parks for children so that they can grow up healthily and freely.

The singular subject government takes has, not have. The sentence has also been reorganized so that parks is the subject of are and the meaning is grammatically clear.

× Yes, for kids now they are a little place to play safely. So government have to make a lot of perks for kids to make them grow up healthily and freely.

✓ Yes, parks are safe places for children to play. The government has to build more parks for children so that they can grow up healthily and freely.

Use the before government when referring to the government responsible for the city or country. Also, a plural noun such as parks does not need the indefinite article a.

× Yes, for kids now they are a little place to play safely. So government have to make a lot of perks for kids to make them grow up healthily and freely.

✓ Yes, parks are safe places for children to play. The government has to build more parks for children so that they can grow up healthily and freely.

Parks refers to more than one place, so use the plural forms parks and places. The phrase a little place is also unsuitable for a general statement about parks.

× Yes, just now I moved to Tokyo so I want to go Yo yogi park in future.

✓ Yes, I have just moved to Tokyo, so I want to go to Yoyogi Park in the future.

Use go to when expressing movement toward a destination. Use in the future rather than in future in this sentence.

× Yes, just now I moved to Tokyo so I want to go Yo yogi park in future.

✓ Yes, I have just moved to Tokyo, so I want to go to Yoyogi Park in the future.

For an event that happened very recently and is relevant now, the present perfect have just moved is more appropriate than the simple past moved.

× Yes, just now I moved to Tokyo so I want to go Yo yogi park in future.

✓ Yes, I have just moved to Tokyo, so I want to go to Yoyogi Park in the future.

The fixed expression is in the future, which requires the definite article the.

× I heard that there are many green landscapes even though it was it is on that central of Tokyo.

✓ I heard that there are many green landscapes even though it is in the center of Tokyo.

Use in, not on, for a location within a city. The correct expression is in the center of Tokyo.

× I heard that there are many green landscapes even though it was it is on that central of Tokyo.

✓ I heard that there are many green landscapes even though it is in the center of Tokyo.

The park is currently located in central Tokyo, so use the present tense is. The form was it is incorrectly mixes past and present forms.

× It's a very lair place so I want to go there.

✓ It is a very lively place, so I want to go there.

Lair is a noun meaning an animal's den. The intended adjective is likely lively, which describes a place that is active and full of energy.