Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Reduce hesitations and repetitions, use a clear topic sentence, and provide one or two specific details. Combine ideas with simple linking words and correct word forms (e.g. ‘green field’, ‘swings and seesaws’). Keep to 2–3 concise sentences.

예시: Yes, I loved going to the park when I was a child. There was a large park near my house with a wide green field and swings and seesaws, so I spent hours playing there with my friends.

제안: Speak more fluently without repeated words, use a clear reason and give a specific example. Use linking words like ‘because’ or ‘so’ and correct tense/forms (e.g. ‘I take her to the park to look for insects and run’). Limit to 2–3 sentences.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because I have a child and I like to recreate my childhood there. For example, I often take her to look for insects and run on the grass so she can explore and exercise.

제안: Remove fillers and organize the reply: give a direct opinion then a clear reason with a specific detail. Use correct phrasing (e.g. ‘playgrounds’ and ‘nowhere else to play’). Keep it concise and coherent with one linking word like ‘because’ or ‘so’.

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide safe playgrounds for children. For instance, with more parks, kids would have better places to play and exercise instead of staying indoors.

제안: Make a complete, well-structured sentence: state the type of park you want to visit and explain why with specific details. Avoid trailing off—finish your thought. Use words like ‘larger’, ‘more green space’ and give a brief reason or example.

예시: I would like to visit parks with larger green fields and more trees because our city currently has few open green spaces. For example, a wide park with lawns and walking paths would be ideal for picnics and outdoor activities.

× Yeah, of course I enjoyed going to parks as when, when I was young, Bec, uh, because, uh, there was, there was a big park beside my, uh, near my house and there was a big Greenfield and swings seesaws.

✓ Yeah, of course I enjoyed going to parks when I was young because there was a big park near my house with a large green field and swings and seesaws.

The original sentence has redundant fillers and awkward phrasing. 'going to parks as when' is incorrect; use 'when I was young' to indicate time. 'swings seesaws' needs a coordinating conjunction and plural forms: 'swings and seesaws'. Use 'with a large green field' instead of 'there was a big Greenfield' for natural word order and correct adjective use. Suggest reducing fillers (uh, bec) and combining clauses for clarity.

× Yeah, I still like going to parks now because I have my own child now and I always take her to the parks to find something in in in my childhood like I will take, I will take her to find some insects in the parks and running.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks now because I have my own child and I always take her to the parks to look for things I used to find in my childhood, such as insects, and to run around.

The sentence mixes tenses and repetitions. Use present simple 'I always take' and refer to past childhood activities with 'I used to find'. Remove repeated words ('now', 'in in in', 'I will take'). Use 'look for' instead of 'find' when describing searching and add parallel structure 'such as insects, and to run around' for clarity.

× Of course, I definitely wish to see more parks in my city because nowadays the parks are the uh, are the children's play playground, and children have no some nowhere else to play uh.

✓ Of course, I definitely wish to see more parks in my city because nowadays parks are the only places for children to play; children have nowhere else to play.

The phrase 'the children's play playground' is redundant and awkward. Use 'only places for children to play' or 'playgrounds'. 'have no some nowhere else' is incorrect; use 'have nowhere else' or 'have no other place'. Remove filler words and simplify the sentence for correct adjective/adverb usage and clarity.

× I hope to go to the parks that have more, wider, that have wider green fields because, uh, there are fewer greenlands in the parks now. So I hope that one day the, the parks in our city can be.

✓ I hope to visit parks that have wider green fields because there are fewer green spaces in parks now. I hope that one day the parks in our city will improve.

The original mixes phrases and repeats. Use 'visit' or 'go to' consistently and 'wider green fields' without repetition. 'Greenlands' is unnatural; use 'green spaces'. The final fragment 'can be' is incomplete; complete it with 'will improve' or similar. Maintain present simple for current facts and 'will' for hopeful future.