Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct small grammatical errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid redundant phrases like “used to” repeated and unclear phrasing such as “which way made me.”

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks and the zoo as a child because the rides were exciting. In particular, the sand area fascinated me; I spent hours building elaborate sandcastles, which stimulated my curiosity and made me very playful.

제안: Provide a fuller answer with a clearer topic sentence and one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Remove fillers like “uh” and avoid abrupt endings such as “That's it.”

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. As an adult, I visit them to find tranquility and unwind; for example, I like sitting by a lake or walking on quiet paths to relax after work.

제안: Good structure and specific reasons. Improve by using smoother linking phrases and a slightly more varied vocabulary. Keep it to two to three sentences and avoid repeating similar ideas.

예시: Yes, I would. My city is turning into a concrete jungle, so additional parks would increase green space and improve air quality; moreover, they would provide safe spaces for people to relax and exercise.

제안: Make the answer direct and specific. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitation and broken phrasing, and give one concrete example or reason why you want to visit national parks.

예시: I don't have specific short‑term plans, but I would love to visit some of the national parks in my country. For example, I'm keen to see the old mountain park because of its ancient forests and diverse wildlife.

× I remember I used to spend a lot of time building those sand castles which way made me curious and very playful.

✓ I remember I used to spend a lot of time building those sandcastles, which made me curious and very playful.

The phrase 'which way made me' is ungrammatical. Use past tense 'made' to match 'used to spend' and the relative pronoun 'which' to refer to 'building those sandcastles'. Also 'sandcastles' is usually one word. Suggestion: keep consistent past tense and use 'which made me' to connect the clause.

× Being an adult, my perspective has only changed and I now go to uh, there to find tranquility and unwind myself.

✓ As an adult, my perspective has changed and I now go there to find tranquility and unwind.

Use 'As an adult' rather than 'Being an adult' for natural phrasing. 'Has only changed' can be simplified to 'has changed' to match meaning. 'Go to there' is incorrect: use 'go there'. 'Unwind myself' is unnecessary reflexive; 'unwind' is sufficient. Suggestion: remove filler 'uh' and the reflexive pronoun.

× I haven't planned to visit such certain parks, but in future I would love to visit, uh, national parks which are being, which have been there in my country for a lot of years.

✓ I haven't planned to visit any specific parks, but in the future I would love to visit national parks that have been in my country for many years.

'Such certain parks' is incorrect; use 'any specific parks' or 'certain parks'. 'In future' in this context requires the article 'the' — 'in the future'. 'Which are being, which have been there' is redundant and ungrammatical; use 'that have been' to express duration. 'A lot of years' is informal; 'many years' is clearer. Remove filler 'uh'. Suggestion: rephrase to 'any specific parks' and 'in the future'.

× My city is becoming like a concrete jungle, and so more parks would help increase green space and improve air quality.

✓ My city is becoming like a concrete jungle, so more parks would help increase green space and improve air quality.

This sentence is mostly correct grammatically, but 'and so' is redundant; use 'so' or 'and' not both. No article change required. Suggestion: simplify to 'so more parks' for smoother flow.

× I haven't planned to visit such certain parks, but in future I would love to visit, uh, national parks which are being, which have been there in my country for a lot of years.

✓ I haven't planned to visit any specific parks, but in the future I would love to visit national parks that have existed in my country for many years.

The phrase 'which are being' incorrectly attempts a passive progressive where simple perfect ('have been' or 'have existed') is appropriate to indicate duration up to the present. Use past participle 'existed' with 'have' to form present perfect. Suggestion: choose 'that have existed' or 'that have been there' to express long-standing existence.