Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be careful with small errors and redundant phrasing. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct small vocabulary mistakes (e.g. 'this bowl' should be 'a ball'), and keep answers concise (max 3–4 sentences). Add one specific detail linked logically using a connector.

예시: Yes, I loved visiting parks as a child. For example, my father would take me there and bring a football so he could teach me how to dribble and score, which helped me gain confidence. Looking back, those afternoons make me feel very nostalgic.

제안: Avoid conversational fillers like 'Oh really?' and repetition of past statements. Begin directly, use linking words to connect reasons, and be specific about how work and crowds affect you. Keep to 2–3 sentences maximum.

예시: Not so much anymore. I have a heavy workload that leaves me little free time, and the nearby park is very crowded, so I usually prefer quieter places to relax.

제안: Correct vocabulary and grammar (e.g. 'parts' → 'parks'; 'there's really any place' → 'there's hardly any place'). Make one clear topic sentence, then give two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid trailing unfinished sentences.

예시: Yes, I would like more parks in my city. In the past there were many green spaces, but most have been replaced by buildings, so children now have hardly any place to play and the city has much less greenery.

제안: Fix small grammar and clarity issues (e.g. 'members only' placement, remove extra 'the a'). Open with a clear sentence naming the park, then give concise supporting details with linking words and a specific plan.

예시: Yes. I want to visit the Goshen Society Park, which is a members-only area. I heard it even has a fishing spot, which is rare here, so I plan to go there with my sister because she loves fishing.

× Now that I look back to that time, I actually feel very nostalgic.

✓ Now that I look back on that time, I actually feel very nostalgic.

The correct preposition with 'look back' is 'on' not 'to'. Use 'look back on' to mean remember past events. Replace 'to' with 'on' to fix the prepositional collocation.

× Oh really? I used to love going to the park when I was a kid, but now I have heavy workloads.

✓ Oh really? I used to love going to the park when I was a kid, but now I have a heavy workload.

Use the singular countable noun 'workload' with an article 'a' when referring to an amount of work. 'Workloads' plural is possible but less natural here; choose 'a heavy workload' to match singular subject and intended meaning.

× I would love to see more parts in my city because before there used to be a lot of parks as far as I remember, but now it has always all been replaced by buildings.

✓ I would love to see more parks in my city because, as far as I remember, there used to be a lot of parks, but now they have mostly been replaced by buildings.

'Parts' is incorrect; 'parks' is intended. Also the clause about replacement needs the plural subject 'they' to refer to parks, and 'have been replaced' is the correct present perfect passive. Reorder and simplify for clarity: 'as far as I remember' is the correct phrase.

× So there's really any place for children to play and there's much less greenery.

✓ So there isn't really any place for children to play, and there is much less greenery.

The original mixes negation incorrectly. Use 'there isn't really any place' to express lack of places. Also match verb contractions consistently: 'there is' or 'there's'. This fixes quantifier 'any' which requires negation here.

× So definitely I would love to see more greeneries within the area so that.

✓ So definitely I would love to see more greenery in the area.

'Greenery' is an uncountable noun and should not be pluralized as 'greeneries'. Also 'within the area' is wordy; 'in the area' is natural. The trailing 'so that' is incomplete and should be removed or followed by a clause; here removal improves the sentence.

× Yes, there is an exclusive park in Goshen and that is called the Goshen Society members only.

✓ Yes, there is an exclusive park in Goshen called the Goshen Society Members Only.

Avoid the awkward 'that is called'; compress to 'called'. Capitalize the park name appropriately. Remove redundant 'and that is'. Use proper noun formatting for the park name.

× And I've heard that there's a fishing place in the a park which is very rare in our country.

✓ I've heard that there's a fishing area in the park, which is very rare in our country.

Remove the extra article 'the a' and choose a more natural collocation: 'fishing area' or 'fishing area in the park'. Add a comma before the nonrestrictive clause 'which is very rare...' for clarity.

× Like most of the parks do not have that activity.

✓ Most parks do not have that activity.

Begin the sentence directly without filler 'Like', which is informal and unnecessary. Use 'Most parks' rather than 'most of the parks' for a general statement; both can work but the concise form is clearer.

× So I would like to go there with my sister and she loves fishing.

✓ So I would like to go there with my sister because she loves fishing.

Joining the two clauses with 'and' is grammatically possible but the intended reason is better expressed with 'because'. This clarifies the relationship between the clauses and improves cohesion.