Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, use correct adjectives and singular/plural forms, and give one or two specific supporting details. Also keep it under five sentences.

예시: Yes. I enjoyed going to the small park near my house as a child. It was peaceful and had lovely trees and flowers, so I often breathed fresh air and felt relaxed. I also liked watching other families and children playing there.

제안: Correct obvious mistakes ("bar"→"park", tense and word order) and reduce repetition. Give a clear topic sentence, a brief reason and a specific example of what you do there, using linking words for coherence.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax after work. However, I rarely go during the week, so I usually visit the park with friends at the weekend. There I like sitting on a bench and watching people and birds, which helps me unwind.

제안: Fix word choice ("fresh bread"→"fresh air") and be specific about benefits. Use linking words to connect ideas and limit to 2–4 sentences with accurate vocabulary and grammar.

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks because the city is crowded and lacks green spaces. More parks would provide fresh air and quiet places where people can meet, relax, and exercise. This would improve both physical and mental well-being.

제안: Reduce hesitations and repetitions, use past and future tenses accurately, and give one specific reason why you want to revisit. Keep it concise and coherent with linking words.

예시: Yes. I would like to visit Hyde Park again. I went there once with friends but it rained, so we couldn't explore much; next time I hope to walk around the Serpentine and see the gardens when the weather is better.

× Yes, when I was a child we used to go to the park which was nearby my house.

✓ Yes, when I was a child we used to go to the park that was near my house.

Incorrect preposition and relative clause: 'nearby' is an adverb and not used with 'was' in this structure. Use 'near' as a preposition with 'my house' or 'nearby' without 'my house' (for example, 'a park nearby'). Also use 'that' or 'which' properly; 'that was near my house' is clearer.

× It was quite, quite a really nice and interesting.

✓ It was really nice and interesting.

Redundant and disfluent modifiers: multiple adverbs and repetitions ('quite, quite a really') create ungrammatical and awkward phrasing. Use a single modifier like 'really' or 'quite' to make the sentence correct and natural.

× It had really a very good sceneries and it was always good to have a fresh breath out after a busy work life.

✓ It had very good scenery, and it was always nice to get some fresh air after a busy workday.

Incorrect word forms and collocations: 'sceneries' is incorrect; 'scenery' is an uncountable noun. 'Really a very good' is redundant; choose one intensifier. 'Fresh breath out' is incorrect collocation; use 'fresh air'. 'Busy work life' is awkward; 'busy workday' or 'busy life' is better.

× So I really enjoyed visiting the park and I so I used to see lot of new people over there.

✓ So I really enjoyed visiting the park, and I used to see a lot of new people there.

Redundant conjunctions and missing articles: 'and I so I' repeats connectors; remove redundancy. 'Lot of' requires the article 'a' before it. 'Over there' is acceptable but 'there' is more natural.

× Yes, still I love to go to the bar because it relaxes my mind after the work I often don't get time to visit park, but then once in a blue moon, I really I really go to the park with my friends.

✓ Yes, I still love to go to the park because it relaxes my mind after work. I often don't get time to visit the park, but once in a blue moon I do go to the park with my friends.

Tense and word choice: 'still I love' is awkward; place 'still' after subject. 'Bar' is likely a typo for 'park'. 'After the work' should be 'after work' or 'after work hours'. Repetition 'I really I really' and missing articles before 'park' corrected. Maintain present simple for habitual actions.

× I spend most of the time there sitting and observing people around I saw the lot of.

✓ I spend most of the time there sitting and observing the people around; I saw a lot of them.

Run-on sentence and incorrect object phrases: 'observing people around I saw the lot of' is ungrammatical. Separate clauses with proper punctuation. Use 'a lot of them' or 'a lot of people' for correct quantifier structure.

× Yes, I would definitely love to see more parks in my city because I feel my city is more congested and people need fresh bread and we need to have the better surrounding as well.

✓ Yes, I would definitely love to see more parks in my city because I feel my city is very congested, people need fresh air, and we need better surroundings as well.

Wrong word choice and articles: 'more congested' without comparison context is odd; use 'very congested'. 'Fresh bread' is incorrect—'fresh air' is intended. 'the better surrounding' should be 'better surroundings' (plural, no definite article). Improve parallel structure in the list.

× I feel the park will provide more relaxing place for the people where they can come and meet, sit down, talk to each other.

✓ I feel parks will provide more relaxing places where people can come to meet, sit down, and talk to each other.

Article and count noun errors and parallelism: 'the park' is too specific when speaking generally; use plural 'parks' or 'a park'. 'More relaxing place' needs plural or an article: 'more relaxing places' or 'a more relaxing place'. Maintain parallel verb forms in the list: 'come to meet, sit down, and talk'.

× Yes, I have a few parks in my mind, uh, to visit.

✓ Yes, I have a few parks in mind to visit.

Unnecessary preposition and filler: 'in my mind' is wordy; the common expression is 'parks in mind'. Remove filler 'uh' for clarity.

× I did go there once, uh, with my friends, but that time it was raining so it was quite difficult to see the whole park.

✓ I went there once with my friends, but it was raining then, so it was quite difficult to see the whole park.

Past tense redundancy and word order: 'did go' is emphatic and unnecessary in a simple narrative; 'I went' is natural. 'That time' can be 'then' or 'at that time'. Remove filler 'uh'.

× But I'm thinking in future, if I get an opportunity to go and visit, I will definitely go with my friends and see.

✓ But I'm thinking that in the future, if I get an opportunity to visit, I will definitely go with my friends and see it.

Future tense and phrasing: Insert 'that' for clarity: 'I'm thinking that in the future'. 'Go and visit' is redundant; 'visit' suffices. Add object 'it' to 'see' to avoid a sentence ending abruptly.