Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and clear. Start with a direct topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh, um), correct awkward phrases (e.g. "dream scenery" and "reduce my chest") and provide one specific supporting detail. Use linking words to connect ideas.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because I enjoyed being surrounded by trees and flowers. For example, my family often had picnics under a big oak tree, which made me feel relaxed and happy.

제안: Answer directly and correct grammar and word choice (e.g. "favorite activities when I have free time"). Remove fillers and keep to two or three sentences. Add a specific example and a linking word to make it coherent.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because I am a nature lover. For instance, I often have picnics with friends or family at the weekend when I have free time.

제안: Give a direct opinion and support it with clear, specific reasons. Fix grammar (e.g. 'for people to relax, exercise, or socialize') and avoid repetitive filler words. Use linking words like 'because' and 'for example'.

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide space for people to relax, exercise, and socialize. For example, parents can take their children to play while others go for a walk after work.

제안: Be specific and accurate about the place you mean (e.g. 'a national park in Singapore'). Avoid confusion with unrelated terms ('national airport'). Provide a clear reason and one concrete supporting detail. Keep to two sentences and remove fillers.

예시: If I have the chance, I would like to visit a national park in Singapore because I have seen photos of its lush tropical landscape online. For example, I was impressed by images of dense greenery and unusual wildlife in the parks I saw in travel articles.

× I enjoyed uh, going to the park when I was a little girl, umm, because I'm a person who loved uh, dream scenery.

✓ I enjoyed going to the park when I was a little girl because I was a person who loved dreamy scenery.

The phrase 'dream scenery' is not the correct adjective-noun combination; 'dreamy scenery' uses the adjective 'dreamy' (present participle/adjective form) to describe 'scenery'. Also maintain past tense consistency by using 'was a person who loved'. Suggestion: use adjective forms (dreamy) to modify nouns and keep tense consistent.

× So I, when I go to the park I feel relaxed and it's helped me to reduce my chest.

✓ So when I went to the park I felt relaxed and it helped reduce my chest tightness.

The original mixes present tense ('go', 'feel') with present perfect passive ('it's helped') while the context is past habitual. Use consistent past tense: 'went', 'felt', 'helped'. 'Reduce my chest' is unclear; 'reduce my chest tightness' or 'ease my chest discomfort' is clearer.

× going to the park is one of my, umm, favorite activity when I help return.

✓ Going to the park is one of my favorite activities when I want to relax.

The phrase 'one of my favorite activity' is incorrect because 'one of' requires a plural noun: 'activities'. 'When I help return' is ungrammatical and unclear; likely intended 'when I want to relax' or 'when I return home'. Ensure noun number matches quantifier and use clear verbs.

× And uh, I love, uh, going picnic at the park with my friends or my family members, uh, during the weekends.

✓ And I love going on picnics at the park with my friends or family on weekends.

Use the gerund phrase 'going on picnics' or 'having picnics' rather than 'going picnic'. 'During the weekends' is better as 'on weekends'. Also 'family members' can be simplified to 'family'.

× I would like to have more parks, uh, because uh, people need a place for them to relax with their family member, go for work and, uh, talk about the day.

✓ I would like to have more parks because people need places to relax with their family members, go to work, and talk about their day.

Mismatch of singular/plural: 'a place' should align with 'people' — better as 'places'. 'Family member' should be plural 'family members'. 'Go for work' is unnatural; use 'go to work'. Maintain parallel structure in the list.

× So park is a great place for them.

✓ So parks are great places for them.

Singular 'park' with general statement about all parks is better as plural 'parks'. Also maintain plural 'places' to match 'parks'. Use present tense 'are' for general truths.

× I would like to visit a National Park in the, uh, national airport in Singapore.

✓ I would like to visit a national park in Singapore.

'National Park in the national airport' is incorrect preposition and nonsense; parks are not 'in the airport'. Remove redundant 'national' before 'airport' and place location correctly: 'in Singapore'.

× Uh, I just encounter this, uh, scenery, go to scenery in the magazines and in the Internet, and I feel so surprised when there is a tropical park in.

✓ I only saw this scenery in magazines and on the Internet, and I was surprised that there is a tropical park in Singapore.

Original sentence mixes tenses and has wrong verb forms: 'encounter' should be past 'saw' for a past observation. 'Go to scenery' is ungrammatical; use 'saw this scenery'. Use 'in the Internet' -> 'on the Internet'. End phrase 'in' needs an object, e.g. 'in Singapore'. Maintain clear subject-verb tense and correct prepositions.