Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Reduce hesitation sounds, use a clear topic sentence and provide one specific supporting detail with a linking word. Keep it concise (max 5 sentences). For example, say why parks were enjoyable and give a concrete memory or activity.

예시: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child because they were places where I could play football with my friends. For instance, every Saturday we would meet at the big oak tree and play until sunset, which made those weekends very memorable.

제안: Give a fuller answer with a clear topic sentence, one or two specific details about your routine or feelings, and use linking words to connect ideas. Avoid short fragmented phrases and repetition.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I walk in the small park near my house every morning because the fresh air helps me relax and prepare for the day, and sometimes I meet neighbors there, which is pleasant.

제안: State your opinion clearly, then support it with specific reasons and a linking word. Mention concrete benefits and avoid filler words like 'umm' or 'uh'.

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because we currently lack green spaces near my neighborhood. More parks would improve air quality and provide safe places for children to play and for adults to exercise.

제안: Answer directly with a topic sentence naming the park, then give a specific reason why you want to visit and a brief detail or example. Remove hesitation and small errors (e.g., 'parts' -> 'parks').

예시: Yes, I would love to visit Central Park in New York because of its vast green areas and famous landmarks. For example, I want to rent a bike and ride around the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir while enjoying the skyline views.

× I did like going to parks, uh, when I was a kid because umm, it was great experience to play with friends, to hang out with the UMM. People who I know.

✓ I did like going to parks when I was a kid because it was a great experience to play with friends and to hang out with the people I knew.

Errors: incorrect use/missing article before 'great experience' and awkward phrase 'the UMM. People who I know.' Also 'who I know' should be past tense 'I knew' to match 'when I was a kid'. The sentence also had unnecessary hesitation markers which were omitted. Suggestion: include the article 'a' before 'great experience', use 'the people I knew' for clarity, and keep verb tense consistent (past) throughout the clause.

× Yes I do. I walk in the park near my house every day. It's a good experience and. So, yeah, yeah.

✓ Yes, I do. I walk in the park near my house every day. It's a good experience, so yes.

Errors: sentence fragments and awkward connective use. 'It's a good experience and.' is an incomplete sentence (sentence structure error) but fits present tense usage; fix by completing the idea and joining with 'so'. Suggestion: remove filler repetitions and complete the thought by connecting clauses with appropriate conjunctions or punctuation.

× Yes, I would definitely umm, like to see uh, more parks in my city because we have uh, we lack of parks and uh, leafy areas near my house especially.

✓ Yes, I would definitely like to see more parks in my city because we lack parks and leafy areas near my house, especially.

Errors: incorrect use of 'we have we lack of' and unnecessary 'of' after 'lack'. Also excessive hesitation words and redundant structure 'we have uh, we lack of parks'. Suggestion: use 'we lack parks' or 'there is a lack of parks' and place 'especially' at the end for clarity.

× Umm, yes, uh, one of my favorite parts is the Central Park in New York. Uh, there is a big leafy area in the city center of New York and I would definitely choose.

✓ Yes, one of my favorite parks is Central Park in New York. There is a large leafy area in the city center of New York, and I would definitely go there.

Errors: 'one of my favorite parts' should be 'parks' (word choice) and final clause 'I would definitely choose' is incomplete—choose what? Use verb 'go there' to express visiting. 'Big' is informal; 'large' or 'spacious' is better. Suggestion: replace 'parts' with 'parks', clarify the action with 'go there', and remove hesitation words.