Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and add one specific example. Use linking words like 'because' or 'for example' correctly and reduce fillers.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they were a place to relax and spend time with my family. For example, we often had picnics by the lake where we would walk, play games and sometimes exercise together.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence, avoid repeating words, and correct word choice (e.g., 'de-stress' not 'distress'). Add one concrete detail about frequency or an activity and link ideas with words like 'however' or 'because'.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks despite my busy schedule because they help me de-stress. For instance, I try to visit a park once or twice a month to have a picnic and catch up with friends.

제안: Be direct and avoid fillers ('like', 'umm'). Finish your sentence and give a specific reason or example of benefits (health, community). Use linking words such as 'because' and 'for example'.

예시: Yes, I would. In Bacolod most development favours subdivisions and condominiums, but I think the city should build more parks because they provide space for exercise and community events, such as weekend sports or outdoor classes.

제안: Be specific about which parks and activities, avoid filler words and repetition. Use a clear structure: topic sentence plus one or two supporting details with linking phrases like 'for example' or 'such as'.

예시: I would like to visit national and state parks in the US, such as Yellowstone or Yosemite. For example, I hope to go camping, go fishing and hike to enjoy the scenery and get some good exercise.

× Very much so because for me parks is a way to relax and spend time with the people I care about because I I wouldn't go to a park if with someone if I didn't know them, like my family or friends and just enjoy the view, have picnics, walk around, exercise.

✓ Very much so because for me parks are a way to relax and spend time with the people I care about. I wouldn't go to a park with someone I didn't know, like my family or friends, and I would just enjoy the view, have picnics, walk around, and exercise.

The noun 'parks' is plural and must take the plural verb 'are' (singular/plural agreement). Also sentence was run-on and unclear; split into two sentences for clarity. Add conjunctions and commas for parallel actions. Suggestion: ensure subject and verb agree in number and separate independent clauses with periods or appropriate conjunctions.

× Yes, I still like going to parks despite my busy schedule because I'm always busy with my work and responsibilities and it's nice to go to a park once in a while and distress and just enjoy and just take it slow, you know, Especially enjoying food as well as quality, quality time with family and friends.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks despite my busy schedule because I am often busy with work and responsibilities. It's nice to go to a park once in a while to de-stress, relax, and enjoy food and quality time with family and friends.

The original is a run-on with redundancy and incorrect verb form 'distress' (wrong meaning). 'De-stress' (hyphen or 'destress') is the correct verb. Capitalization mid-sentence was incorrect. Suggestion: break into shorter sentences, choose correct verbs, and remove repetition for clarity.

× Yes, very much so because especially in our city here in Bacolod, construction is more focused on like subdivisions and umm condominiums.

✓ Yes, very much so because in our city, Bacolod, construction is more focused on subdivisions and condominiums.

Phrase 'in our city here in Bacolod' is redundant; use 'in our city, Bacolod,'. The preposition 'on' is unnecessary before 'subdivisions' when using 'focused'; use 'focused on' + noun, but the structure 'construction is more focused on subdivisions' is fine—removed extra 'like' and filler. Suggestion: remove fillers and redundant prepositions for concise expression.

× But I believe that it is better for our city to focus on parks as well in order to promote like extra like curricular activities that.

✓ But I believe it would be better for our city to focus on parks as well in order to promote extracurricular activities.

The sentence contains filler words 'like' repeated and an incomplete ending 'that.' Use 'would be better' for a suggestion and the correct single word 'extracurricular.' Suggestion: avoid filler 'like', complete the clause, and use appropriate modal phrasing for suggestions.

× For me, I definitely want to visit like the state parks in, in the US and probably go on a camping trip and just enjoy the view, go fishing.

✓ For me, I definitely want to visit state parks in the US and probably go on a camping trip to enjoy the view and go fishing.

Remove filler 'like' and duplicate 'in,' and change 'go on a camping trip and just enjoy' to 'go on a camping trip to enjoy' for correct purpose infinitive. The gerund/infinitive choice: 'to enjoy' expresses purpose better here. Suggestion: remove fillers and use infinitive for purpose.

× Umm and also, you know, like just relax and de stress in general and also get that exercise and my blood going and pumping.

✓ Also, I want to relax and de-stress in general and get some exercise to get my blood pumping.

Overuse of conjunctions 'and' and fillers makes the sentence ungrammatical. 'De stress' should be 'de-stress' and 'get that exercise and my blood going and pumping' is awkward; use 'get some exercise to get my blood pumping.' Suggestion: remove fillers, use concise conjunctions, and rephrase for natural idiom.