Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitation and unclear phrases (e.g. "rumbling over the items"), and add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Keep it under five sentences.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks with my family when I was a child. For example, we often played football and had picnics, which made weekends fun and memorable.

제안: Make your answer more structured: give a direct topic sentence, then one or two specific reasons using linking words like "however" or "because." Avoid listing without clarity and keep sentences shorter.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks for peace and fresh air. However, I rarely go now because my demanding job leaves me little free time.

제안: Use formal and accurate vocabulary, avoid contractions/slang like "wanna" and grammatical errors. Start with a clear opinion, then give two specific reasons linked with words like "because" or "so."

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they encourage community interaction and provide safe places for children to make friends.

제안: Be direct and avoid contradictory phrasing. Start with a clear answer, then name a specific park and give one concrete reason using linking words. Remove fillers like "uh" and vague words like "apparently."

예시: Not really, but if I had to choose I would visit Creek Park in Dubai because it hosts a dolphin show and offers many family-friendly activities.

× Even though my parents are grown like adults, we uh, enjoy playing some games and uh, rumbling over the items.

✓ Even though my parents are adults, we enjoy playing games and roughhousing with each other.

The phrase 'are grown like adults' is unidiomatic and awkward for present tense description; use 'are adults'. 'Uh' fillers should be removed. 'Play some games' is acceptable but 'playing games' is more natural. 'Rumbling over the items' is incorrect collocation; 'roughhousing with each other' or 'tussling' conveys the intended meaning. Maintain present simple for habitual actions.

× Yes, I like to go to parks, have some time with myself, be peaceful, but I don't have much time to go to a park, journal myself or talk with a friend there.

✓ Yes, I like to go to parks to have time to myself and be peaceful, but I don't have much time to visit a park, journal, or talk with a friend there.

Use infinitive 'to have time to myself' rather than 'have some time with myself'. 'Be peaceful' is better expressed as 'be peaceful' but needs parallel structure: 'to have time to myself and be peaceful.' Use 'visit a park' instead of repeating 'go to a park'. Maintain present simple for habits.

× Yes, the I really wanna see a numerous parks because in a neighborhood I think it should be a place where all can have stronger connections and also the kids can create a new group of friends.

✓ Yes, I really want to see numerous parks because I think a neighborhood should be a place where everyone can form stronger connections and children can make new friends.

'a numerous parks' is grammatically incorrect: 'numerous' directly modifies plural noun without 'a' ('numerous parks'). Informal 'wanna' should be 'want to'. 'In a neighborhood' is misplaced; rephrase to 'I think a neighborhood should be...' Use 'everyone' instead of 'all' as noun. 'Create a new group of friends' is wordy; 'make new friends' is natural.

× No, there aren't apparently any particular park.

✓ No, there aren't apparently any particular parks.

'There aren't any particular park' is wrong because 'park' must be plural after 'any' when noun is countable and refers to unspecified items; use 'parks'. Alternatively say 'there isn't any particular park' for singular, but context implies plural. 'Apparently' is better placed after 'are' or rephrased: 'No, there aren't any particular parks, apparently.'

× I would love to go and spend time, but uh, I think the Creek Park, which is in Dubai, is something that I adore most.

✓ I would love to go and spend time there, but I think Creek Park in Dubai is the place I like the most.

'Is something that I adore most' is awkward; use 'is the place I like the most' or 'is my favorite.' Remove filler 'uh' and the unnecessary relative clause punctuation. Use present simple 'is' for current preference.

× I have heard there's a dolphin show in it where people can come and spend some time with the dolphins there.

✓ I have heard there's a dolphin show there where people can spend time with the dolphins.

'In it' and 'there' are redundant; use one location reference. 'Come and spend some time' is wordy; 'spend time' is sufficient. Maintain present simple 'there is' for existence of the show.