Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (past tense), avoid repetition and filled pauses, and add one specific supporting detail. Use linking words such as "because" to connect ideas.

예시: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child because my parents sometimes took me there on weekends. However, they were often busy with work, so visits were infrequent. I especially remember playing on the swings and feeding ducks at the small pond.

제안: Use a clear topic sentence in present tense and avoid hesitations/redundancy. Give one specific reason and an example of what you do instead. Keep it within three short sentences and use linking words like "because" and "so".

예시: To be honest, I don't go to parks much now because I'm very busy with assignments and work. As a result, I usually spend my weekends studying at the library or completing projects. I hope to have more free time next semester.

제안: Give a direct answer first, then support it with specific observations. Reduce casual colloquialisms and filled pauses. Use linking words like "because" and provide one brief example of what makes the parks sufficient.

예시: No, I don't think more parks are necessary because Adelaide already has many green spaces. For example, almost every suburb has a small neighborhood park or playground, so residents rarely have to travel far to find one.

제안: Clarify whether you mean parks or beaches, use precise vocabulary, and structure the answer: state your preference, then give a specific example and reason. Avoid uncertainty phrases like "I'm not entirely sure"—you can mention you don't remember the name but describe it clearly.

예시: I don't have a particular park in mind, but I would love to visit a beach in New Zealand that I read about because of its black sand. I think a beach with black sand would be fascinating to see, and I would like to walk along the shore and take photographs.

× Yes, I do enjoy going to the park as a child, but it's something that my parents, they don't umm, take me to there often take me there often this is due to how busy they are with their business.

✓ Yes, I enjoyed going to the park as a child, but my parents didn't take me there often because they were busy with their work.

The student uses present tense ('do enjoy', 'don't take') while referring to past experiences as a child. This is a present/past tense mismatch. Change verbs to past tense ('enjoyed', 'didn't take') and simplify redundant phrasing ('my parents, they') to a single subject. Also use 'work' instead of 'business' for natural phrasing. Suggestion: When talking about past habits, use past simple (e.g., 'I enjoyed', 'they didn't take').

× But if I were to have, if they were to have time, I'll go to the park.

✓ But if they had time, I would have gone to the park.

The original mixes conditional forms and tenses incorrectly: 'if they were to have time' suggests a hypothetical past/less probable present, while 'I'll go' is future. The context describes past childhood, so use the past unreal conditional: 'If they had had time, I would have gone' or simpler 'If they had time, I would have gone'. Use matching conditional forms (if + past -> would + base/past conditional) to express unreal past situations. Suggestion: Keep conditional clause and main clause tenses consistent; for past hypothetical use past perfect or past conditional as appropriate.

× If I'm being honest, I don't really like going to the park now just because that I'm I feel like I'm really busy and I don't really have time to spend at the park considering every weekend I've got assignments, works and studies that need to be catch that I need to catch up.

✓ If I'm being honest, I don't really like going to the park now because I'm very busy and don't have time; every weekend I have assignments and studies that I need to catch up on.

Problems include awkward tense and redundancy: 'just because that I'm I feel' is incorrect repetition. 'I've got' is acceptable but simplifies to 'I have'. 'works' is incorrect plural; use 'work' or 'assignments and studies'. 'need to be catch' is incorrect verb form — should be 'need to catch up on' or 'I need to catch up on.' Maintain present tense for current habits ('I don't really like', 'I'm busy', 'I have'). Suggestion: Remove repetitions, use correct collocations ('catch up on'), and keep present simple/progressive consistent for current situations.

× Well, currently I'm an international student studying abroad and it seemed that in Adelaide, South Australia there are already plenty of parks.

✓ Well, currently I'm an international student studying abroad, and it seems that in Adelaide, South Australia, there are already plenty of parks.

Tense mismatch and subject-verb agreement: 'it seemed' (past) should match present context 'currently' and 'there are'. Use present 'it seems'. Also add commas for clarity. 'Parks' plural is correct. Suggestion: Match tense to the time frame indicated by words like 'currently' and ensure verb agrees with subject/time.

× It's there left and right.

✓ They are everywhere, left and right.

Original sentence is ungrammatical and awkward. 'It's there left and right' mixes pronouns and adverbs improperly. Use a clear subject and verb: 'They are everywhere' or 'Parks are everywhere.' Suggestion: Use a clear subject ('they' or 'parks') and idiomatic expression ('everywhere, left and right').

× Whenever you go to a different suburbs, chances are you're gonna, umm, drive past their park.

✓ Whenever you go to different suburbs, chances are you'll drive past a park.

Errors: 'a different suburbs' mixes singular article with plural noun; use 'different suburbs' (no 'a') or 'a different suburb' (singular). 'gonna' is informal; use 'you'll'. 'their park' incorrectly implies ownership by suburbs; use 'a park'. Suggestion: Match articles to noun number, avoid colloquial contractions in formal responses, and use correct possessive or indefinite article.

× So I don't think I'd like to see more.

✓ So I don't think I'd like to see more parks.

Sentence is mostly fine but omits the object 'parks', making it vague. Include the noun for clarity. Tense 'I'd like' (would like) is acceptable for polite preference. Suggestion: Always include the object being referred to for clarity.

× Well, there isn't any specific pop that I would like to go in the future, but there's a beach.

✓ Well, there isn't any specific place that I'd like to go to in the future, but there is a beach.

Multiple issues: 'pop' is a typo for 'place'. 'any specific place that I would like to go in the future' needs 'to' after 'go'. 'there's a beach' is fine but can be 'there is a beach' for formality. Use 'I'd' for natural speech. Suggestion: Fix typos, include necessary preposition 'to' after 'go', and use articles appropriately.

× So in New Zealand, and I'm not entirely sure what it's called, but it has black sands and I just think it's really unique considering it's one of the beaches has black sands.

✓ It's in New Zealand; I'm not entirely sure what it's called, but it has black sand, and I think it's really unique because it's one of the beaches with black sand.

Errors: 'black sands' is nonstandard; use 'black sand' (uncountable). 'one of the beaches has black sands' is ungrammatical — use 'one of the beaches with black sand.' Also simplify and connect clauses for clarity. 'Considering' used incorrectly; use 'because'. Suggestion: Use uncountable form for 'sand', correct relative clause ('one of the beaches with...'), and choose conjunctions that match the intended meaning.