Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer is natural and shows enthusiasm, but it is wordy and contains repetition and some grammatical slip-ups. To improve, shorten redundant phrases, correct tense/number (e.g. 'on weekends', 'there were a lot of trees'), and use one or two specific supporting details. Use a clear topic sentence then one or two linked details with a linking word (e.g. 'because' or 'for example').

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because my parents often took my brother and me there on weekends. For example, we used to play on the swings, explore the trees and enjoy popcorn and ice cream, which made those evenings very memorable.

제안: Good direct response with clear reasons. Improve by tightening sentences, avoiding informal fillers, and using linking words to organize reasons (e.g. 'because' and 'so'). Also correct small grammar issues ('daily life' instead of 'day-to-day life' used awkwardly) and keep to 3–4 sentences maximum.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax and take my mind off work. After a hectic day, a calm evening there lets me recharge, and I especially like feeling the cool breeze while I walk or sit quietly.

제안: Clear opinion and relevant reasons, but end of answer is incomplete and there is some repetition. Improve by completing the final thought, using concise linking phrases ('because', 'for example'), and adding one specific benefit or example. Keep sentences compact and avoid repeating ideas.

예시: Yes, I would love more parks in the city because most areas are crowded with houses and lack green space. For example, additional parks would give people safe places to walk, exercise, and enjoy family picnics, which improves well-being in a concrete urban area.

제안: You convey a personal connection which is good, but the answer is disorganized, repetitive and ends abruptly. Improve by giving a clear topic sentence, then two concise supporting details (location, why it's special, features). Fix grammar ('a lot of trees', 'offers a refreshing atmosphere') and avoid fillers. Finish the sentence properly.

예시: Yes, there is a park near my home in Urban State Phase Two that I plan to visit again because I had my pre-wedding photos taken there. It is special to me and has many trees, playgrounds and peaceful spots to relax, so I often return to enjoy the fresh air and pleasant atmosphere.

× My parents would often take me and my brother to the park in the evening on weekend specially.

✓ My parents would often take my brother and me to the park in the evening, especially on weekends.

Pluralization and word order: 'on weekend specially' is incorrect; should be 'especially on weekends' (plural). Also use natural order 'my brother and me'. Use a comma before the adverbial phrase for clarity.

× So we went there, it was lush green and there were there were a lot of trees around.

✓ So we went there; it was lush and green, and there were a lot of trees around.

Run-on sentence and repetition: Two independent clauses were joined incorrectly with a comma; use a semicolon or separate sentences. 'lush green' needs 'and' or a hyphen; remove duplicated 'there were'.

× So we would go on swings repeatedly and we ate a lot of popcorn and ice creams and it was a lot and a lot of fun.

✓ So we would go on the swings repeatedly, and we ate a lot of popcorn and ice cream; it was a lot of fun.

Article use: 'swings' when specific playground swings should be 'the swings'. 'ice creams' is uncountable in this context: use 'ice cream'. Also streamline repeated phrases and fix run-on structure with punctuation.

× Yes, I still like going to the park, but now I go there to relax, take my mind off work and just to calm myself because of the hectic schedule we are in day-to-day life, A calm and quiet evening in a park, it's what you need to recharge your battery.

✓ Yes, I still like going to the park, but now I go there to relax, take my mind off work and calm myself because of the hectic schedule of day-to-day life. A calm, quiet evening in a park is what you need to recharge your battery.

Tense and phrasing: 'we are in day-to-day life' is ungrammatical; use 'the hectic schedule of day-to-day life'. Remove redundant 'just to'. Also fix sentence punctuation and verb agreement: 'A calm... is what you need' rather than comma splice 'it's'.

× So I go there to feel the cool breeze. It's very nice there.

✓ So I go there to feel the cool breeze; it's very nice there.

Minor punctuation for flow; preposition usage is okay. Combined into a single coherent sentence using semicolon for style and flow.

× There are so many houses around and very few parks.

✓ There are so many houses around and very few parks.

This sentence is correct; no change needed. (Retained for completeness.)

× See, the parks provide the green space in which the people can walk, exercise, refresh their mind and then can even have family picnics there.

✓ See, parks provide the green space where people can walk, exercise, refresh their minds and even have family picnics.

Article and relative clause: 'the parks' and 'the people' are unnecessarily definite; use 'parks' and 'people'. 'refresh their mind' should be plural 'their minds'. 'in which' is formal; 'where' is natural. Remove redundant 'there' at end.

× So in this concrete jungle, we need some green space to relax and.

✓ So in this concrete jungle, we need some green space to relax in.

Incomplete sentence: 'to relax and.' leaves the coordination unfinished. Either finish the second element or rephrase to 'to relax in'.

× Yes, definitely there is a park close to my house.

✓ Yes, definitely there is a park close to my house.

Sentence is correct regarding 'there is'. Retained as correct.

× It is in urban state phase two.

✓ It is in Urban State Phase Two.

Capitalization and proper noun formatting: treat the area name as a proper noun with capital letters and title-style words. No preposition change needed.

× This is the same park in which I had my pre wedding photo shoot done.

✓ This is the same park where I had my pre-wedding photo shoot done.

Word choice and hyphenation: 'in which' is formal; 'where' is natural. 'pre wedding' should be hyphenated as 'pre-wedding'. The passive 'photo shoot done' is acceptable but 'had my pre-wedding photo shoot' is smoother.

× So it is very special for me.

✓ So it is very special to me.

Preposition preference: 'special to me' is more natural than 'special for me'. No plural error; retained meaning with corrected preposition.

× It has a lots and lots of trees lots of greenery around right and the vibe was really good is what's very refreshing lots of oxygen.

✓ It has lots and lots of trees and lots of greenery around, and the vibe is really refreshing with plenty of fresh air.

Grammar and clarity: 'a lots' is incorrect; use 'lots'. Combine fragments into coherent sentence. 'right' and 'is what's' are filler words—remove them. Use 'is' for present description, not 'was' if the place still has those qualities. 'lots of oxygen' is unnatural—use 'plenty of fresh air.'

× There were swings and places where kids can play.

✓ There were swings and places where kids could play.

Tense consistency: narrator refers to past experience so 'can' should be 'could' to match past tense 'were'.

× So I would definitely.

✓ So I would definitely go.

Incomplete sentence: 'I would definitely' needs a verb to complete the thought. Add 'go' to indicate intention.