Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid redundant phrases and filler words, and use precise vocabulary. Replace awkward expressions like "taking a pleasure from it" and "hanging around the ground" with clearer descriptions. Keep to 2–3 sentences and add one specific detail (an activity or memory) using a linking word.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, every weekend my family took me to the nearby park where I enjoyed playing on the swings and feeding the ducks, which were my favorite activities.

제안: Remove fillers and tense/grammar errors. Use a clear topic sentence, then give a brief reason with a linking word (e.g., "because" or "so"). Replace awkward phrasing like "occupied by works" and "unwind myself" with natural expressions. Limit to 2–3 sentences.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because I’m very busy with work during the week, so I visit them at weekends to relax and disconnect from daily stress.

제안: Be specific and avoid vague or awkward words like "blessed" and "escaping from haste." Use linking words such as "because" and give concrete benefits (exercise, fresh air, socialising). Keep it concise and natural, 2–3 sentences max.

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide space for exercise and fresh air, and they are great places for neighbours to meet and socialise.

제안: Correct word choice and grammar. Replace incorrect phrases like "in my museum future" and "quiescence of the nature" with natural expressions such as "in the future" and "the tranquility of nature." Use a linking word ("because") and give a concrete example of a national park or activity. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

예시: Definitely — in the future I want to visit national parks because I’d love to experience the tranquility of nature, go hiking, and improve my mental well‑being; for instance, I hope to visit a national park with mountain trails and lakes.

× I really enjoyed taking a pleasure from it, from activities like hanging around the ground.

✓ I really enjoyed taking pleasure in it, doing activities like hanging around the park.

The phrase 'taking a pleasure from' is incorrect. Use the noun phrase 'taking pleasure in' or simply 'enjoyed' + gerund. 'Hanging around the ground' is unnatural; 'hanging around the park' or 'wandering around the park' is correct. Suggestion: use set phrase 'take pleasure in' and a natural location noun.

× Absolutely, I am quite keen on going to parks now UMM as I am occupied by works on weekdays.

✓ Absolutely, I am quite keen on going to parks now, as I am occupied with work on weekdays.

'Occupied by works' is incorrect. Use the adjective 'occupied' with preposition 'with' and the uncountable noun 'work'. 'Works' with plural generally refers to projects or factories, not daily job. Also remove filler 'UMM' and add comma for clarity.

× UMM parks are ideal places that I can unwind myself and disconnect from the world.

✓ Parks are ideal places where I can unwind and disconnect from the world.

English typically does not use a reflexive pronoun with 'unwind' because 'unwind' is intransitive here. 'Unwind myself' is unnecessary. Also remove filler 'UMM' and change 'that' to 'where' for places.

× Absolutely, I would like to see more parks built in my city.

✓ Absolutely, I would like to see more parks built in my city.

This sentence is already grammatically acceptable; no correction needed. Included here only for completeness; no change required.

× parks are ideal places where people can exercise escaping from haste and blessed and hanging out with friends.

✓ Parks are ideal places where people can exercise, escape from the rush, relax, and hang out with friends.

The original mixes forms incorrectly: 'exercise escaping from haste and blessed and hanging out' is ungrammatical. Use parallel verb forms: 'exercise, escape, relax, and hang out'. 'Haste' is unnatural here; 'the rush' or 'hurry' is better. 'Blessed' is inappropriate; likely intended 'be blessed' or 'feel blessed', so 'relax' fits the context.

× Definitely, I would like to visit national parks in my museum future.

✓ Definitely, I would like to visit national parks in my future.

'In my museum future' is incorrect. Probably a word order or word choice error: remove 'museum' which is misplaced. Use 'in my future' or better 'sometime in the future'.

× The main reason is that it is a great opportunity for me to explore the quiescence of the nature and this is conducive to my mental health.

✓ The main reason is that it would be a great opportunity for me to experience the tranquility of nature, which would be good for my mental health.

'The quiescence of the nature' is awkward: 'quiescence' is rare and 'the nature' should be 'nature' without article. 'Explore' collocates poorly with 'quiescence'; 'experience the tranquility of nature' is natural. Also align tense/modal: 'would be' makes it hypothetical and polite. 'Conducive to my mental health' is formal; 'good for my mental health' is clearer in spoken English.