Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Work on clarity, grammar, and concise structure. Start with a clear topic sentence (past tense), then add one or two specific supporting details linked logically. Reduce hesitations and repetition, and correct verb forms and articles (e.g., “when I was a child,” “my parents brought me,” “there were free bikes”).

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child. My parents often brought me there, and I enjoyed riding the free bikes and playing on the big slide. I also liked meeting other children, which made the visits more fun.

제안: Provide a direct topic sentence in present tense, then give one or two clear reasons with linking words. Avoid vague phrases and filler words. Use correct vocabulary (e.g., “children” not “trillion”) and finish your thought without trailing off.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they remind me of happy childhood memories. Also, watching children play and laugh relieves my stress, so I often visit parks to relax and unwind.

제안: Make a clear, concise statement of opinion, then justify with specific reasons. Use linking words (e.g., “because,” “so that”) and correct sentence structure. Avoid redundancy and fix word choice (e.g., “prioritize building more parks,” “there are few parks here”).

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because current green spaces are limited. Building two or three parks in different neighborhoods would give more children opportunities to play and improve community wellbeing.

제안: Begin with a clear topic sentence naming the park and its location, then describe specific attractions using accurate vocabulary and linking words. Avoid fillers and incomplete sentences; finish with a brief reason why you want to visit.

예시: Yes, I want to visit a large park near our city called Magic Lands. It hosts many events, including a circus and pageants, and has big rides, so it seems exciting and entertaining for families.

× Yes, I do umm, I love going to park when I was a child and my my parents bring me there to to come to play with someone that I I actually don't know if someone's kid as well.

✓ Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child, and my parents used to take me there to play with other children.

The sentence mixes present and past tenses incorrectly. Use past tense 'loved' and the past habitual 'used to take' for childhood activities. Also 'going to park' needs plural or article: 'going to parks' or 'going to the park.' 'Bring' should be past 'took.' 'Someone that I actually don't know if someone's kid' is unclear; 'other children' is concise and appropriate.

× I'd like to use this Wii. I'd like to ride the bikes there. There's a free bikes and then there's also a slide and.

✓ I liked playing on the swings and riding bikes there. There were free bikes, and there was also a slide.

Wording and article usage are incorrect. 'This Wii' is likely incorrect context; replace with 'swings' or play equipment. Use plural 'bikes' without 'the' when general, and match past tense 'liked/liked' with childhood context. 'There's a free bikes' mixes singular 'there's' with plural 'bikes'—use 'there were free bikes.' Ensure complete sentence instead of trailing 'and.'

× Yes, umm, it's like bringing back the memories when I was a child, that laughter, the happiness.

✓ Yes, it brings back memories from when I was a child: the laughter and happiness.

Use present simple 'brings' for current effect. 'Bringing back the memories when I was a child' is awkward; 'memories from when I was a child' is clearer. Remove unnecessary articles: 'that laughter, the happiness' -> 'the laughter and happiness.'

× If I see the trillion playing at the park and laughing, running with each other and etcetera.

✓ If I see children playing at the park, laughing and running with each other, it reminds me of those times.

'Trillion' is incorrect word choice; likely 'children.' Use gerunds 'playing, laughing, running' consistently, and complete the conditional with a main clause. Remove 'etcetera' and provide a clear result clause.

× It's like a a stress reliever for me, definitely, because I knew that I was I was.

✓ It's a stress reliever for me because it makes me remember that I was happy.

Sentence is incomplete and repetitive ('I was I was'). Clarify the idea: what memory or feeling is evoked. Use present 'is' and complete clause 'it makes me remember that I was happy' to convey meaning.

× I would love to if necessarily I would definitely like for me prioritize A prioritizing building a lot of work, like 2, two parks, 3 parks in every city because so that a lot of children will be able to to enjoy or have an opportunity to play there because the park here is very limited only.

✓ I would love that; if necessary, I would definitely prioritize building more parks, perhaps two or three in every city, so that many children will have the opportunity to play there because parks here are very limited.

Awkward phrasing and unnecessary repetition. Use 'would love that' or 'I would love it' and 'if necessary' properly. 'Like for me prioritize A prioritizing' is wrong—use 'I would prioritize building more parks.' Remove duplicate words and fix quantifier phrasing 'two or three.' Use 'will have the opportunity' for future possibility.

× There is actually a very wide park here in our like beside of our city.

✓ There is actually a very large park just outside our city.

Incorrect prepositional phrase 'in our like beside of our city.' Use 'just outside our city.' 'Very wide park' is better as 'very large park.' Keep 'there is' okay but correct location phrase.

× It's called magic lands. It holds a lot of vents and there is a different type of like a corral, a circus and a pageant.

✓ It's called Magic Lands. It hosts many events, and there are different attractions like a carousel, a circus, and pageants.

Spelling and word choice errors: 'vents' -> 'events.' 'Corral' is incorrect; likely 'carousel' or 'corral' is wrong for park attraction. Capitalize proper name 'Magic Lands.' Use 'hosts many events' and plural agreement 'there are different attractions.'

× And there's also a big rides like umm.

✓ There are also big rides there.

Mixes singular 'there's' with plural 'rides.' Use 'there are' for plural. Remove filler 'like umm' and finish the sentence.