Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Reduce hesitations and repetition, make one clear topic sentence then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Keep answers under five sentences. For example, say you loved parks, mention a specific activity and explain briefly why it was valuable. Avoid filler sounds like 'uh' and repeated phrases.

예시: I loved going to parks as a child. For example, I often played on the climbing frames and joined group games with my friends, which helped me become more confident and physically active. Because the parks had many different activities, I learned new skills and made close friendships.

제안: Be concise and clear: state your current feeling, give one specific recent example and explain how it affected you using linking words. Avoid vague descriptions and filler words. Use precise vocabulary to describe the park and your feelings.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they help me relax and clear my mind. For instance, I recently visited Guindy National Park in Chennai, where wide grassy areas and shady trees created a peaceful atmosphere that reduced my stress and improved my mood.

제안: Give a direct opinion and support it with a concrete reason and a specific example. Use linking words (for example, because, therefore) and avoid hesitations. Mention who benefits and how to make the point stronger.

예시: Yes, I would like more parks in the city because they benefit people of all ages. For example, my grandparents enjoy walking in parks but currently cannot because there are too few nearby; therefore, more parks would improve their health and social life.

제안: Start with a clear topic sentence naming the park, then give two specific reasons why you want to visit and use linking words like 'because' or 'also'. Correct word choices (e.g., 'nectar', 'trails') and avoid odd fillers like 'UH'. Keep it concise and natural.

예시: I would like to visit the Butterfly Park in Tiruchirappalli district in the future because it has specially planted trees and nectar flowers that attract many butterfly species. Also, the park offers walking trails and cycling routes, which would make my visit both interesting and active.

× Yes, I really loved going to a park as a child.

✓ Yes, I really loved going to parks as a child.

Using 'a park' implies a single park; context and later sentences refer to multiple parks in the neighborhood. Change to the plural 'parks' to match meaning and maintain consistency.

× My neighborhood, uh, consists of, uh, multiple parks and I often, uh, visit them with my friends.

✓ My neighborhood consists of multiple parks, and I often visit them with my friends.

The original sentence had unnecessary filler 'uh' and comma placement problems; the verbs 'consists' and 'visit' are correctly in present tense. Remove fillers and add a comma before the coordinating conjunction for clarity.

× They had, uh, variety of activities, uh, which I explored with my friends, which was really enjoyable and helped me learn new things and grew up stronger in many ways.

✓ They had a variety of activities that I explored with my friends, which was really enjoyable and helped me learn new things and grow stronger in many ways.

Missing article 'a' before 'variety'. Use 'that' instead of 'which' for the defining clause. The phrase 'grew up stronger' is incorrect because 'helped me' requires a base verb: use 'helped me grow stronger'. Maintain past tense 'had' and 'explored'.

× Yes, I still like going to parks.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. Present tense 'like' correctly matches the question about current preference.

× Now I find uh, parks, uh, more relaxing and making myself calmer, so I enjoy going to parks.

✓ Now I find parks more relaxing and they make me calmer, so I enjoy going to parks.

The original mixes structures: 'find parks more relaxing' is fine, but 'making myself calmer' is incorrect because it creates a dangling participle and uses reflexive 'myself' unnecessarily. Use a full clause 'they make me calmer' for clarity and correct structure.

× Uh, For instance, I recently visited uh, Guindy National Park located in Chennai.

✓ For instance, I recently visited Guindy National Park, which is located in Chennai.

Remove filler 'Uh' and capitalize correctly. Add a comma and 'which is' to introduce the non-defining relative clause describing the park. This improves flow and correctness.

× It was fully surrounded, uh, with many grass stripes, which made me feel really umm.

✓ It was surrounded by large areas of grass, which made me feel very relaxed.

'Fully surrounded with' is awkward; use 'surrounded by'. 'Grass stripes' is not natural—use 'areas of grass' or 'stretches of grass'. 'Really umm' is filler and incomplete; replace with 'very relaxed' to express feeling. This corrects adjective/adverb choice and phrasing.

× Yes, it could be best if there are more parks.

✓ Yes, it would be best if there were more parks.

Use 'would be' for a conditional opinion and the subjunctive 'were' for hypothetical situations ('if there were more parks'). 'Could be best' is unidiomatic here.

× In my city, parks are mostly liked by many of the people of different generation, so building uh parks around the city helps a lot of people.

✓ In my city, parks are popular with people of different generations, so building parks around the city helps many people.

'Liked by many of the people of different generation' is wordy and ungrammatical. Use 'popular with' and correct plural 'generations'. 'Helps a lot of people' is informal; 'helps many people' is clearer. Remove filler 'uh'.

× Uh, for uh example, my grandparents really like going to park but they are unable to go as there are only few parks in the city.

✓ For example, my grandparents really like going to the park, but they are unable to go because there are only a few parks in the city.

Use 'the park' when referring to parks in general that people visit, or 'parks' plural—here 'the park' fits. Add 'the' before 'park' and 'a' before 'few'. Also add 'because' for clearer causal connection. Remove fillers 'Uh'.

× Part that I really want to visit in the future is UH Butterfly Park, which is located in Trichurapalli district.

✓ The place I really want to visit in the future is Butterfly Park, which is located in the Tiruchirappalli district.

'Part that I really want' is ungrammatical; use 'The place I really want to visit'. Remove filler 'UH'. Correct the district name spelling to 'Tiruchirappalli' and add 'the' before district for correct noun phrase.

× It is actually a staged setup of trees and nectars to attract many butterfly species, which I find very interesting.

✓ It is actually a landscaped area with trees and nectar plants to attract many butterfly species, which I find very interesting.

'Staged setup' is awkward; 'landscaped area' or 'designed area' is more natural. 'Nectars' is incorrect—use 'nectar plants' or 'flowering plants that produce nectar'. This corrects adjective/noun choice.

× It also contains other activities such as UH cycling, walking.

✓ It also offers other activities such as cycling and walking.

'Contains activities' is awkward; 'offers activities' is more natural. Use 'such as cycling and walking' with 'and' to list activities. Remove filler 'UH'.