Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Ответ естественный, но можно улучшить структуру и точность выражения. Дайте явный топик-открывающий тезис, затем добавьте одну-две конкретные детали и свяжите предложения связующим словом. Избегайте неточного слова «that place» и повторений. Также следите за согласованием времен и предлогами (например, «take me and my brother to the park»).

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, I used to enjoy playing on the swings and feeding the ducks, but sadly my parents often lacked free time to take my brother and me to the park.

제안: Хорошая идея, но предложение длинное и немного запутанное. Начните с прямого ответа, затем дайте одну ясную причину и используйте связку (например, «because»). Избегайте неправильного порядка слов в косвенных конструкциях («how many times a week I can go» вместо «how many times a week can I go»). Сократите дублирование «now».

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because I can decide how often I visit them now. For instance, a new park was built just across the road from my home, so I usually walk there two or three times a week.

제안: Ответ понятен, но грамматика и завершённость фразы нуждаются в работе. Дайте чёткий топик-заявление, затем одно-два конкретных аргумента с логической связкой («because» или «so»). Закончите предложение корректно (например, «construct more parks»).

예시: Definitely — I would like to see more parks in my city because two or three parks are not enough for the growing population. More parks would provide green spaces for exercise and relaxation, so I hope the city council will build several new ones.

제안: Идея интересная, но есть несколько языковых ошибок и неуместные формулировки. Сначала дайте прямой ответ, затем уточните, почему вы хотите посетить это место. Избегайте выражений типа «they're awesome atmosphere» — используйте единственное число для «its atmosphere». Уточните несоответствие между «park» и «Disneyland» — лучше назвать «theme park».

예시: Yes — the theme park I would like to visit is Disneyland Paris, which I have dreamed about since childhood. Although I'm an adult, I am still attracted by its magical atmosphere and the variety of rides and shows it offers.

× Unfortunately, my parents didn't have a lot of free time to take me and my brother to that place.

✓ Unfortunately, my parents didn't have a lot of free time to take my brother and me to that place.

The original sentence uses correct past tense, but the object pronouns are in the wrong order. In English, when listing a person and yourself, put the other person first and use the objective case 'me'. Correct: 'my brother and me'. Also avoid awkward phrase 'to that place' by context you could say 'to the park.'

× For sure, but now it's me who is responsible for how many times a week can I go to the park, especially now when a new one was constructed just across the road of the place where I live.

✓ For sure, but now I'm the one who is responsible for how many times a week I can go to the park, especially since a new one was constructed just across the road from where I live.

The clause 'how many times a week can I go' incorrectly uses question word order in an embedded statement; embedded clauses require statement word order ('I can'), not question order. Also 'it's me who' is colloquial; 'I'm the one who' is more natural. Use 'since' for reason and 'across the road from' is the correct prepositional phrase. Keep present simple/modal 'can' for ability/permission.

× Definitely, I really think that two or three parks are not enough for the growing population of my city and it also would be good idea to construct.

✓ Definitely. I really think that two or three parks are not enough for the growing population of my city, and it would also be a good idea to build more.

The original sentence has awkward conjunction and missing article: 'it also would be good idea to construct.' The phrase needs an article 'a good idea' and a clearer verb 'build more' rather than 'construct' without object. Also combine clauses with ',' then 'and'. 'Also' placement works better after 'would'.

× Yes, it's a park I dream about from my childhood, namely Disneyland in Paris.

✓ Yes, it's a park I have dreamed about since my childhood, namely Disneyland in Paris.

When a desire started in the past and continues to the present, use present perfect ('have dreamed') and 'since my childhood' rather than 'from my childhood'. This matches the ongoing nature of the dream.

× I vividly understand that I'm old enough to swing and slide there, but still, they're awesome atmosphere attracts me.

✓ I vividly feel that I'm old enough to swing and slide there, but still, the awesome atmosphere attracts me.

Several issues: 'understand' is less natural here than 'feel' for attraction; 'they're awesome atmosphere' incorrectly uses plural pronoun 'they're' with a singular noun 'atmosphere'—should be 'the awesome atmosphere'. Also word order: 'the awesome atmosphere attracts me' is correct. Use singular article 'the'.