Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Trim filler words and finish sentences clearly. Lead with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using a linking word. Keep it concise (max 4–5 sentences).

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they made me feel peaceful and free. For example, I often visited parks with my grandparents, where I ran around, rode my bicycle, and lay on the grass to read. These activities always made me very happy.

제안: Avoid hesitations and pronoun errors. Start with a clear statement, then explain briefly with a linking word and one specific detail about when or how you visit parks now. Use correct pronouns and simpler phrasing.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks whenever I can. However, because university keeps me very busy, I usually visit parks on weekends to relax and clear my mind.

제안: Be precise and avoid vague terms. Use linking words to organize reasons and give one specific result or example. Correct inaccurate vocabulary (e.g., 'deduction' → 'reduction') and avoid filler words.

예시: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because air pollution and new construction have reduced green spaces. For example, adding parks could improve air quality and provide places for families to exercise and relax.

제안: Be specific and positive. State one clear type of park you want to visit, explain why with a linking word, and give a brief example or plan. Avoid awkward phrases like 'not to name many things specific.'

예시: I would like to visit wildlife sanctuaries and large zoological parks in the near future because I enjoy observing animals and learning about conservation. For instance, I plan to visit the national wildlife reserve next summer to see native species up close.

× For example, when I used to visit parks with my grandparents when I was younger, I would run and, uh, lay on the grass.

✓ For example, when I used to visit parks with my grandparents when I was younger, I would run and lie on the grass.

The verb 'lay' requires a direct object (someone/something being placed). The correct intransitive verb meaning 'recline' is 'lie'. Use 'lie' when no object is present. Suggestion: remember 'lay' needs an object (I lay the book), while 'lie' means to recline (I lie down).

× So yes, going to the parks as a child was one of.

✓ So yes, going to parks as a child was one of my favorite experiences.

The sentence is incomplete and misuses the definite article 'the' before 'parks'. When speaking generally, omit 'the' and use a completion like 'one of my favorite experiences' to finish the thought. Suggestion: avoid trailing fragments and choose appropriate articles for general vs specific reference.

× Yes I do, I still love going to the parks whenever I get the time.

✓ Yes, I do. I still love going to parks whenever I get the time.

Using 'the parks' implies specific parks previously mentioned; here the student speaks generally, so omit 'the'. Also split into two sentences and add missing comma for clarity. Suggestion: use 'parks' for general activities and 'the parks' for specific ones.

× Uh, due to university the routine has been really hectic for me but I still love to take our time for myself and going to the parks and enjoy more freedom as an older version of myself.

✓ Uh, due to university, my routine has been really hectic for me, but I still try to take time for myself and go to parks to enjoy more freedom as an older version of myself.

Multiple issues: 'take our time' uses wrong pronoun (should be 'take time' or 'take my time'); 'going to the parks' mixes forms — use infinitive 'go' after 'try to' or parallel structure 'take time... and go to parks'. Also 'the parks' is unnecessary when general. Suggestion: keep pronouns consistent and maintain parallel verb forms (try to + base verb).

× Guess I would love to see more parks in my city Due to the rise in pollution and uh, buildings.

✓ I guess I would love to see more parks in my city due to the rise in pollution and the number of buildings.

Missing comma and capitalization after 'city'. 'Due to' should not start a new sentence here; attach it to previous clause. Also 'buildings' alone is vague; 'the number of buildings' clarifies the cause. Suggestion: connect related clauses properly and use articles where needed.

× We have been seeing a lot of deduction in the parks and the fees, so it would really be a great move for the environment if we could have more parks in the city.

✓ We have been seeing a large decrease in parks and green spaces and increases in fees, so it would be great for the environment if we could have more parks in the city.

'Deduction' is incorrect; the correct noun is 'decrease' or 'reduction'. 'A lot of' + noun needs appropriate noun form. Also 'the parks and the fees' is unclear; clarify by specifying 'parks and green spaces' and 'increases in fees' if intended. Suggestion: choose precise nouns and parallel structures for clarity.

× Not to name many things specific, but I love going to zoological Parks and Wildlife sanctuaries to explore the wildlife and beauty of nature, so I would love to visit that in near future.

✓ Not to name many specific places, but I love going to zoological parks and wildlife sanctuaries to explore wildlife and the beauty of nature, so I would love to visit them in the near future.

Errors: capitalization ('Parks' should be lowercase), incorrect phrase 'name many things specific' — corrected to 'name many specific places'. Use plural pronoun 'them' to refer to parks and sanctuaries. Add article 'the' in 'the near future'. Suggestion: adjust word order for natural adjective placement, use correct capitalization, and ensure pronoun agreement with plural nouns.