Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Clarify and correct grammar, speak naturally, be concise and relevant. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific details with linking words. Avoid incorrect words (e.g. ‘go to bed’, ‘pub’) and use vocabulary like ‘playground’, ‘meet’, ‘socialise’. Keep to under five sentences.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often played on the swings and made friends there, so it was a great place to socialise. Also, my parents chatted with other parents while we played, which made visits enjoyable.

제안: Use correct grammar and clearer vocabulary, and give a coherent reason with linking words. Begin with a direct answer, then explain with specific details. Avoid colloquial contractions that are unclear and incorrect phrases like ‘ain't your wound’ and ‘provided a lot of shield’.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. They are peaceful and good for meeting people, so I often go there to relax and sometimes to make new friends. I usually go with friends rather than my parents now.

제안: Give a direct opinion first, then support it with clear, specific reasons. Use linking words (because, for example, therefore). Correct word choice: ‘children need parks to play and socialise’ and avoid asking back rhetorical questions. Stay concise.

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because children need safe places to play and socialise. For example, additional parks near residential areas would help families who have limited space at home.

제안: Answer directly naming the park, then give a specific reason and link to future plans. Correct grammar (use conditional correctly) and avoid repetition. Mention when you might go and what you expect to do there.

예시: Yes, I would like to visit Green Park in the future because its greenery helps me relax. If I have a stressful job, I plan to go there on weekends to walk and unwind.

× Yes I did. I loved to go to bed when I was kids because the park had advantage to get community with people or to connect with people.

✓ Yes, I did. I loved going to the park when I was a child because the park had advantages for socializing with people and connecting with them.

The sentence contains incorrect past tense and noun forms: 'to go to bed' is wrong in context and should be 'going to the park'; 'when I was kids' mixes singular/plural and should be 'when I was a child'; 'had advantage to get community with people' is ungrammatical — use 'had advantages for socializing' or 'was good for socializing'. Use consistent past tense and correct noun forms.

× So I went to the pub with my parents and they can get community with other parents, so I love it.

✓ So I went to the park with my parents and they could socialize with other parents, so I loved it.

Pronoun and modal misuse: 'they can get community with' is ungrammatical. Use 'they could socialize with' to match past context. Also 'pub' is likely wrong for 'park' given context. Change 'so I love it' to past 'so I loved it' to match timeframe.

× Yes, I still ain't your wound to the park.

✓ Yes, I still enjoy going to the park.

The original contains nonstandard contraction 'ain't' and nonsense 'your wound'. Replace with clear present-tense expression 'still enjoy going to the park' to answer the question about current preference.

× The park provided a lot of shield and it is a good place to meet other people.

✓ The park provides a lot of shade and is a good place to meet other people.

Tense and word choice issues: 'provided' switches to past although the speaker is talking about now; use present 'provides'. 'Shield' is the wrong noun for 'shade' or 'shelter'. Simplify structure: 'provides a lot of shade and is a good place to meet other people.'

× So that's why I can make new friend results always needing my parents to come with me.

✓ That's why I can make new friends without always needing my parents to come with me.

Problems: 'make new friend results' is meaningless; use 'make new friends'. The sentence needs a negative adverb 'without' to express independence from parents. Also pluralize 'friend' to 'friends' and correct word order for clarity.

× If we get opportunity to get more in my city, how would you like to get more?

✓ If we had the opportunity to have more parks in my city, what would you suggest?

Mixed conditional and awkward phrasing: 'If we get opportunity to get more' should be 'If we had the opportunity to have more parks' for a hypothetical. The question 'how would you like to get more?' is odd; change to 'what would you suggest?' to elicit ideas.

× Because the children need a park to play or the children at least they need park to communication with them.

✓ Children need a park to play, and they at least need a park to interact with other children.

Redundant 'the children' is unnecessary; use 'children'. 'Need park to communication with them' is incorrect: use 'need a park to interact/communicate with other children.' Ensure article 'a' before 'park' and parallel structure.

× So I'd like to provide it for them.

✓ So I'd like to provide parks for them.

Vague pronoun 'it' after mentioning parks is unclear; use plural 'parks' and keep the modal 'I'd like to' which is fine. Make object explicit.

× If I stayed like to go in the park in the future I would like to visit Green Park because green makes me relax and calm down.

✓ If I still like going to the park in the future, I would like to visit Green Park because green spaces help me relax and calm down.

Tense and phrasing errors: 'If I stayed like to go' should be 'If I still like going'. Use 'green spaces' rather than 'green' as a noun; 'help me relax' is more natural than 'makes me relax'.

× So in the future if I get job I will be get stressed so it is good way to relax.

✓ So in the future, if I get a job I will be stressed, so it will be a good way to relax.

Article and verb form errors: add 'a' before 'job'. 'Will be get stressed' is incorrect; use 'will be stressed'. Use 'it will be a good way' to form proper future-tense clause and include article 'a'.