Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and direct. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No) and give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid hesitation and repetitive phrases. Use linking words like “so” or “therefore” to connect ideas and correct small grammatical errors (e.g., “we didn’t have parks,” “rice fields”).

예시: No, we didn’t have parks in my town when I was a child, but we had rice fields nearby. So I used to play and run with my friends in the fields, which was fun and gave us lots of space to explore.

제안: Give a clear topic sentence and use one or two specific examples of activities. Improve grammar (e.g., “after school,” “we love greenery”) and use linking words like “because” and “for example” more smoothly. Keep the answer within 3–4 sentences.

예시: Yes, I still like going to parks because I take my children there every weekend and after school. For example, we enjoy walking on the paths, having picnics, and letting the kids play on the swings, which helps us relax and enjoy the fresh air.

제안: Answer directly and avoid contradicting statements. Clarify whether your area currently has many parks and what kind of new parks you want. Use linking phrases like “especially” correctly and correct grammar (e.g., “a place that has a lot of parks” or “doesn’t have many parks”).

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city, especially green spaces with playgrounds and quiet areas. Although my neighborhood has some parks, I think new parks in other districts would give more families chances to relax nearby.

제안: Be specific about the park and organize your answer. Start with a topic sentence naming the place, then give one or two clear reasons why you want to visit. Remove hesitations and use correct vocabulary (e.g., “near the town,” “it includes an aquarium”).

예시: Yes, I would like to visit a park near the next town that also has an aquarium. Not only would I enjoy the green spaces and walking paths, but my children would love seeing the marine life in the aquarium.

× Actually, we don't have in my town when I was young, uh, if I can't say it, we have rice field.

✓ Actually, we didn't have parks in my town when I was young; we had rice fields.

The original mixes present 'don't have' with past time 'when I was young.' This is a there-be/time reference problem. Use past tense 'didn't have' to match 'when I was young.' Also use plural 'rice fields' for general reference to fields. Suggestion: match verb tense to time expressions and use correct pluralization for countable nouns.

× So when I was young, I, I used to go to Rice field with my friends where we can play and run together there.

✓ So when I was young, I used to go to the rice fields with my friends, where we could play and run together.

The sentence improperly mixes past habitual 'used to' with present modal 'can' and capitalizes 'Rice.' Use past modal 'could' to keep past tense consistent. Use plural 'rice fields' and remove redundant 'there.' Suggestion: keep verb tenses consistent within the same time frame and avoid unnecessary words.

× Yes, absolutely yes because I have children so I will bring them to the parks every weekend or same after the school.

✓ Yes, absolutely. Because I have children, I bring them to the parks every weekend or sometimes after school.

The original uses future 'will bring' and awkward phrase 'same after the school.' If this is a habitual action, use simple present 'bring.' Replace 'same' with 'sometimes' and remove 'the' before 'school' for general reference. Suggestion: use simple present for routines and choose correct adverbs for frequency.

× We love green a lot and parks give us more space to relax and enjoy the scenery we also play in.

✓ We love green spaces a lot, and parks give us more space to relax and enjoy the scenery and play.

'Love green' is not idiomatic; use 'green spaces.' The clause 'we also play in' is awkwardly placed. Reorder to 'enjoy the scenery and play' for clarity. Suggestion: use common collocations ('green spaces') and place verbs/adverbial phrases where they clearly attach to the correct clause.

× Yes, of course I would like to see more parks in my city, especially uh, I live in a place that have a lot of parks, so I will go to parks, new parks when I have a chance.

✓ Yes, of course I would like to see more parks in my city. I live in a place that has a lot of parks, so I will visit new parks when I have a chance.

The clause 'I live in a place that have' has subject-verb disagreement and 'have' should be 'has.' This is related to there-be/existence phrasing and subject-verb agreement. Also 'go to parks, new parks' is redundant; use 'visit new parks.' Suggestion: ensure verb agrees with its subject and avoid repetition.

× Yes, absolutely yes, I would like to go to the bus, uh next to my next to next to the town.

✓ Yes, absolutely. I would like to go to the bus station next to the town.

The original is disfluent and repeats 'next to' multiple times; 'bus' alone is unclear—use 'bus station.' This is a sentence structure/word choice problem. Suggestion: remove filler words and repetitions and use precise nouns for clarity.

× Uh, so it's also includes or have an aquarium.

✓ It also includes an aquarium.

'It's also includes or have' mixes forms and uses unnecessary conjunctions. Use simple 'includes' (or 'also has') to state features. Suggestion: choose one correct verb form and avoid combining alternatives in speech transcripts.

× So not only the green space, but we can also enjoy the aquarium.

✓ So not only the green space, but we can also enjoy the aquarium.

This sentence is grammatically acceptable but could be improved to match parallel structure: 'So there is not only green space, but we can also enjoy an aquarium.' However, the main issue earlier required no change. Suggestion: for clarity, use a full clause and ensure parallel structure when contrasting items.'