Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition and hesitations, correct small grammar errors (e.g. 'my mom and my mother' is redundant), and give two specific supporting details using linking words. Keep under five sentences.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My mother often took me there after school, and I played games like hide-and-seek and swung on the swings with the other children. Because the parks were close to home, I could visit almost every day and make many friends.

제안: Reduce repetition and improve coherence: give a clear topic sentence then add a reason with linking words. Use precise vocabulary (e.g. 'interact with dogs' instead of 'play with the dogs') and correct repetitions. Stay within three sentences if possible.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I especially like them because many people bring their dogs, so I can interact with friendly pets when the owners agree. This makes visiting the park relaxing and sociable.

제안: Good direct answer and reason. Improve by adding a linking word and a specific example of how more parks would help (e.g. reduce crowding, provide exercise spaces). Keep sentences varied and concise.

예시: There are already many parks in Taipei, but I would welcome more. For example, additional small neighborhood parks would reduce crowding in popular areas and give residents more convenient places to exercise and relax.

제안: Clear and specific answer. Improve by tightening the sentence, using a linking phrase and correcting small phrasing issues (e.g. 'fireworks displays' instead of 'fireworks presentations'). Mention why the event appeals to you to add depth.

예시: Yes — I want to visit Taichung Central Park because it often hosts free fireworks displays. I would love to see the show in person because it seems lively and would be a memorable way to experience the city.

× My mom and my mother always took me to the park after bringing me back from the school and I, I can play, I could play with the child's, the, the children there.

✓ My mom always took me to the park after bringing me back from school, and I could play with the children there.

The sentence repeats 'my mom and my mother' which is redundant; use one subject. 'the school' is unnecessary with 'bringing me back from school' (article error/idiomatic). 'I, I can play, I could play' mixes present and past; the context is past, so use past 'could'. 'child's, the, the children' is incorrect; use plural 'children'. Simplify to maintain past-tense consistency and correct pronoun/number usage.

× Uh, we play Hyatt, we played hide and seek, play on the swing and many.

✓ We played hide-and-seek, played on the swings, and did many other activities.

Tense inconsistency: mix of present 'play' and past 'played' should be past. 'Hyatt' seems a mispronunciation of 'hide'; correct to 'hide-and-seek'. 'play on the swing' should be plural 'swings' or 'the swing' with consistent past 'played'. 'and many' is incomplete; use 'and did many other activities.' This fixes tense, verb forms, and sentence structure.

× Yes, absolutely. As as an adult I still love parks and a lot because there are many people bringing their pets, for example dogs there.

✓ Yes, absolutely. As an adult I still love parks a lot because many people bring their pets there, for example dogs.

Duplicate 'As as' is a mistake. 'love parks and a lot' incorrectly places 'and'; use 'love parks a lot'. 'there are many people bringing their pets' is awkward; prefer simple present 'many people bring their pets' to describe habitual action. Move 'there' after 'pets' for natural word order.

× I can play with the dogs if their if their owners allow me to do so.

✓ I can play with the dogs if their owners allow me to.

Duplicate phrase 'if their if their' is an error. 'allow me to do so' is wordy; 'allow me to' is sufficient. Keep conditional structure simple and clear.

× I think there are already plenty of parks in Taipei, but I will be happy if there are more because that means we have more places to go for recreation.

✓ I think there are already plenty of parks in Taipei, but I would be happy if there were more because that would mean we have more places to go for recreation.

Mix of present and future modal: use conditional 'would be' and subjunctive 'if there were' to express hypothetical desire. 'because that means' should match hypothetical mood: 'that would mean.' This maintains correct sequence of tenses for unreal or wished-for situations.

× I would like to go to the Central Park of Taichung, which usually has fireworks presentations that people can go there for free, and I would really want to go there to see the fireworks once.

✓ I would like to go to Taichung Central Park, which usually has fireworks displays that people can attend for free, and I would really like to go there once to see the fireworks.

Use natural name order 'Taichung Central Park.' 'fireworks presentations' is unnatural; 'fireworks displays' is preferred. 'people can go there for free' has redundant 'there'; use 'attend for free.' 'I would really want to go there to see the fireworks once' is awkward; 'I would really like to go there once to see the fireworks' uses correct modal and word order.