Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more fluent and avoid frequent hesitations and filler words. Give a clear topic sentence then one or two specific supporting details. Keep answers concise (max 4–5 short sentences).

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I enjoyed playing on the swings and slides and running around on the grass with other children. Those visits helped me build confidence and make close friends in the neighborhood.

제안: Structure the answer with a direct topic sentence and give specific reasons using linking words (because, so, however). Avoid informal phrases like 'hitting on a movie.' Keep it natural and concise.

예시: Not really; I rarely go to parks now because I am very busy with work and studies. Instead, I prefer indoor activities such as going to the gym or meeting friends at a café because they fit better with my schedule.

제안: Avoid contradictory phrasing and unnecessary fillers. Start with a clear stance, then give two specific benefits using linking words (for example, because, and). Use precise vocabulary (hustle and bustle).

예시: Absolutely. I support more parks in the city because they provide a peaceful escape from the hustle and bustle and offer safe places for children to play. Additionally, parks improve air quality and biodiversity, which benefits the whole community.

제안: Be specific and use correct vocabulary; avoid vague or incorrect phrases like 'how it analyzed there.' Give a reason and a concrete detail you want to see. Keep it 2–3 sentences max.

예시: Yes, I would like to visit Central Park in New York because I have heard it is very large and varied. I want to walk its famous paths, see the different tree species, and visit landmarks like the Bow Bridge and Bethesda Terrace.

× I loved playing with the swings and slides and running around in the green, uh, spaces and uh, it uh, let me, uh, no other kids.

✓ I loved playing on the swings and slides and running around in the green spaces with other kids.

Original sentence has disfluent filler words and an unclear clause 'it ... let me, no other kids' that breaks sentence structure. Use 'playing on' for playground equipment, remove fillers, and clarify 'with other kids' to show who accompanied the student. This produces a clear, grammatically correct sentence that fits past tense.

× Not really, I don't like going to parks anymore 'cause I'm really busy with my work and studies.

✓ Not really, I don't like going to parks anymore because I'm really busy with my work and my studies.

Use of informal 'cause' is acceptable in speech but for correct grammar use 'because'. Also include parallel articles 'my work and my studies' for clarity. The present tense 'don't like' and 'am busy' are appropriate; this correction improves formality and parallel structure.

× I don't usually find time to go outside and I prefer indoor activities like going to gym or hitting on a movie or meeting some friends in a cafe.

✓ I don't usually find time to go outside and I prefer indoor activities like going to the gym, watching a movie, or meeting friends in a cafe.

Use 'going to the gym' with the article 'the'. 'Hitting on a movie' is incorrect; use 'watching a movie'. Use parallel gerund phrases separated by commas. 'Meeting friends' is more natural than 'meeting some friends'.

× Absolutely. Even though I don't like going to parks, but uh, I like seeing more parks in my city because, uh, it's an escape from hustle and puzzle from, uh, the city.

✓ Absolutely. Even though I don't like going to parks, I still like seeing more parks in my city because they are an escape from the hustle and bustle of the city.

Do not use 'Even though' and 'but' together; choose one construction. 'I still like' conveys contrast. Replace filler 'uh' and incorrect phrase 'hustle and puzzle' with the idiom 'hustle and bustle'. Use plural 'they' or 'parks' for agreement and 'of the city' for correct preposition.

× Uh, kids can go and play there and make memories, no, and new friends and uh, it's really good for the environment.

✓ Kids can go there to play, make memories, and meet new friends, and it's really good for the environment.

Remove filler words and re-order to maintain parallel structure: 'play, make memories, and meet new friends'. Combine clauses with proper conjunctions. This fixes fragmentary and disfluent structure while keeping present tense general statement.

× Actually, yes, I would like to visit Central Park in New York. I'd love to see how it analyzed there and the kind of trees they have, how the swings are and everything new to me.

✓ Actually, yes, I would like to visit Central Park in New York. I'd love to see what it's like there, the kinds of trees they have, how the swings are, and everything that would be new to me.

'How it analyzed there' is grammatically incorrect; use 'what it's like there' to ask about the place. Use 'kinds of trees' plural and 'everything that would be new to me' for clarity. Maintain conditional/future-in-the-past modal 'would'/'I'd' to express desire to visit in the future.