Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and correct factual or word-choice errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition (e.g., "quite frightened" used twice), and correct odd phrase "and China" which seems out of place. Use one or two supporting details and a linking word to show contrast (e.g., "but" or "however").

예시: I loved going to amusement parks as a child, especially for roller coasters. At first I was terrified and often cried, but as I grew older I learned to enjoy the rides and now I scream with excitement instead of fear.

제안: Make sentences shorter and remove filler words (uh). Use clearer grammar ("find time" not "bring out time"). Start with a direct response then give one reason with a linking word. Use correct collocations ("breathe" → "breathe easily" or "a sense of relief").

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, but I rarely find the time because of my busy schedule. However, I prefer garden parks to amusement parks because they help me relax and breathe more easily.

제안: Avoid fillers and repetition, and use natural phrasing and pronouns. Start with a direct answer and give a clear reason using linking words like "because". Correct awkward phrases ("leave a breath of relief", "a second for himself").

예시: Yes, absolutely — I would like to see more garden parks in my city because they offer busy people a quiet place to relax and clear their minds after a hectic day.

제안: Good specific example and clear desire. Improve by tightening phrasing and avoiding repetitive phrases ("I would love" twice). Use a linking phrase to add detail and specify what "technology" means in context.

예시: Yes. I often see pictures of parks in Singapore on Instagram, and I'd love to visit the botanical gardens there with my family. They seem to combine beautiful plant displays with modern installations, which would make the visit both relaxing and fascinating.

× Yes, I love going to amusement parks and China, especially for the roller coaster.

✓ Yes, I loved going to amusement parks as a child, especially for the roller coasters.

The original mixes locations ('and China') incorrectly and uses present tense 'love' while referring to childhood; 'as a child' clarifies time. Use plural 'roller coasters' for general reference. Replace wrong preposition/phrase with 'as a child' to match meaning. Suggestion: Use 'as a child' to show past habit and pluralize 'roller coaster' when speaking generally.

× At first I was quite frightened.

✓ At first I was quite frightened.

This sentence is correct in past tense describing childhood feelings. No change needed.

× By that I mean quite frightened because I usually start crying immediately, not even like sparing a second and I would be shattered with tears.

✓ By that I mean I would get very frightened because I used to start crying immediately, not even sparing a second, and I would be overwhelmed with tears.

Mixed tenses and informal fillers ('like') make the sentence ungrammatical. Use consistent past habitual tense ('used to start') for childhood habits and replace colloquial 'shattered with tears' with 'overwhelmed with tears' for clarity. Remove filler 'like' and add commas to clarify clauses. Suggestion: Keep past habitual verbs consistent and avoid fillers.

× However, currently as I've grown up, I now scream out of thrill and excitement.

✓ However, now that I have grown up, I scream out of thrill and excitement.

Use 'now that I have grown up' for the present result of a past change. 'Currently' and 'now' are redundant; remove one. Present simple 'scream' is correct for habitual present action. Suggestion: Avoid redundant adverbs and use 'now that' to link past change to present state.

× As I mentioned earlier, yes, I still enjoy going to the park, although due to my schedule, it's quite rare for me to, uh, bring out time for myself to bring myself to a park.

✓ As I mentioned earlier, yes, I still enjoy going to the park, although due to my schedule it is quite rare for me to find time to go to a park.

Informal fillers ('uh'), awkward verb phrases ('bring out time', 'bring myself to a park') are incorrect. Use 'find time' and 'go to a park' to express ability to visit. Maintain present simple for habitual truth. Suggestion: Use concise, standard verbs for time and movement ('find time to go').

× Although I do love garden parks more than amusement parks right now, it gives me a sense of relief and breathe.

✓ Although I do love garden parks more than amusement parks right now, they give me a sense of relief and a chance to breathe.

Subject agreement: 'garden parks' is plural, so use 'they give' not 'it gives'. 'breathe' is a verb; use 'a chance to breathe' or 'breathing space'. Also 'garden parks' plural needs plural verb. Suggestion: Ensure subject and verb agree and use the correct noun phrase for 'breathe'.

× Yes, absolutely Parks, specifically, uh, garden parks.

✓ Yes, absolutely — garden parks, specifically.

The original capitalizes 'Parks' and uses awkward phrasing with fillers. No article is needed; restructure to a natural short answer. Remove filler 'uh' and unnecessary repetition. Suggestion: Keep answers concise and remove fillers.

× As I mentioned, it's quite a way for a working person after hectic schedule to leave a breath of relief and a a second for himself to meditate his mind.

✓ As I mentioned, after a hectic schedule it is a good way for a working person to take a moment for themselves and clear their mind.

Several issues: awkward phrase 'quite a way', missing articles, 'leave a breath of relief' is unidiomatic, double 'a a', and gendered 'himself'. Use 'take a moment for themselves' and 'clear their mind' for natural, gender-neutral phrasing. Maintain present simple to describe general truth. Suggestion: Use idiomatic expressions like 'take a moment' and avoid gender-specific pronouns.

× Well, enlightened by my Instagram, I've seen pictures of parks in Singapore and it's always been a dream to spend a holiday there with my family.

✓ Well, inspired by my Instagram, I have seen pictures of parks in Singapore, and it has always been a dream to spend a holiday there with my family.

'Enlightened by' is unusual here; 'inspired by' is more natural. 'I've seen' and 'it has always been' are fine present perfect uses. Slight restructuring and adding a comma improves flow. Suggestion: Prefer 'inspired' for social-media-driven interest.

× I would love to explore the botanical gardens that are enriched with not only trees but also technology.

✓ I would love to explore the botanical gardens that are not only filled with trees but also incorporate technology.

'Enriched with not only trees but also technology' is awkward in word order. Use parallel structure 'not only... but also...' and verbs that match ('filled with' and 'incorporate'). Suggestion: Keep the paired elements parallel for clarity.

× I would love to breathe the air over there.

✓ I would love to breathe the air there.

'Over there' is redundant after 'there' and slightly informal; 'breathe the air there' is concise and natural. Preposition 'over' is unnecessary in this context. Suggestion: Use concise locational phrases like 'there' for clarity.