Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Improve grammar and tense consistency, reduce redundancy, and add clearer supporting detail. Begin with a clear topic sentence in past tense, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid vague phrases like "in the background" and correct plural/singular forms (e.g., "friends", "open grassy areas").

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they were perfect places to play with my friends after school. For example, nearby city parks had swings, open grassy areas for football, and a small pond where we fed ducks, so I always looked forward to weekend visits.

제안: Fix article and number agreement, remove fillers, and streamline the response. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add specific examples of activities using linking words (for example, "for instance" or "such as"). Make sentences concise and fluent.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they are peaceful green spaces where I can relax. For example, after work I often meet a friend to walk, do light exercises such as stretching or jogging, and have a picnic to escape the city's hustle and clear my mind.

제안: Correct grammar (singular/plural, infinitive forms), remove hesitation, and make the cause–effect clearer with linking words like "because" and "therefore." Provide one concrete example and tighten phrasing.

예시: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they encourage people to be healthier and foster social interaction. For instance, older residents often meet in the afternoons to exercise together, which improves their fitness and therefore strengthens the local community.

제안: Make a clear topic sentence and correct many grammar and vocabulary errors. Remove hesitation, provide specific vivid details, and finish the thought. Use linking words to explain why you want to return and what you will do there.

예시: I would like to return to Boba Park in San Diego because it has well-maintained gardens, a tree-lined path, and many colorful butterflies. Last time I enjoyed the scenery and fresh air, so next time I plan to take photographs and spend a relaxing afternoon reading under the trees.

× Yes, I really enjoy going to the parks when I was a child because parks are ideal places to play with my friend in the background and open grasses areas after school time.

✓ Yes, I really enjoyed going to parks when I was a child because parks were ideal places to play with my friends on the grass after school.

The sentence mixes present tense 'enjoy' with past time reference 'when I was a child.' Use past tense 'enjoyed' and 'were' to match the time frame. 'The parks' is changed to 'parks' because general plural reference needs no definite article here. 'my friend' should be plural 'my friends' to match general experience and 'in the background and open grasses areas' is ungrammatical; use 'on the grass' for clearer meaning and natural collocation. Also simplify 'after school time' to 'after school.' Suggestion: Keep verb tense consistent with the time phrase; use natural collocations like 'on the grass' and correct plural forms for general statements.

× However, I was born in a rural town that didn't have many parks, so I only go to the parks when I travel to the nearby cities.

✓ However, I was born in a rural town that didn't have many parks, so I only went to parks when I traveled to the nearby cities.

The main clause uses past tense ('was born', 'didn't have'), so the result clause should also be in the past ('went', 'traveled') instead of present 'go' and 'travel.' Remove 'the' before 'parks' for a general plural reference. Keep tense consistent across related clauses.

× Yes, I still enjoy going to the parks now because Park is a peaceful greenery space where I can, uh, relax and unwind.

✓ Yes, I still enjoy going to parks now because a park is a peaceful green space where I can relax and unwind.

'the parks' suggests specific parks; better to use 'parks' or 'a park' for a general statement. 'Park' alone is missing an article; use 'a park.' 'Greenery' as an adjective is incorrect; use 'green' as adjective and 'greenery' as noun. Remove filler 'uh' for correctness. Match article usage and adjective form.

× After work, I often hang out with my friend, do some outdoor activities, and have a picnic to get away from hustle and bustle a big city and clear my mind.

✓ After work, I often hang out with my friends, do some outdoor activities, and have a picnic to get away from the hustle and bustle of a big city and clear my mind.

Use plural 'my friends' for general habitual actions or keep singular with consistency. Insert 'the' before 'hustle and bustle' and 'of' before 'a big city' to form the correct prepositional phrase 'the hustle and bustle of a big city.' This fixes article and preposition errors. Ensure parallel structure in the list of activities.

× Yes, I would like to see more parks in my cities because more parks will encourage people stay healthier and promote social interaction.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because more parks will encourage people to stay healthier and promote social interaction.

'My cities' should be singular 'my city' unless the speaker means multiple cities. The verb phrase needs the infinitive 'to stay' after 'encourage people.' This fixes article/number choice and verb form after 'encourage.'

× For example, older people often do exercise together in the afternoon, which not only improve their health it but also umm strengthen the communities.

✓ For example, older people often exercise together in the afternoon, which not only improves their health but also strengthens the community.

'Do exercise' is acceptable but 'exercise' is more natural. Subject 'which' refers to 'exercise together' (singular idea), so the verb should be 'improves' (third person singular). Remove misplaced 'it' and filler 'umm.' 'Strengthen the communities' should be 'strengthens the community' (singular) or 'strengthens communities'—use consistent number. Ensure subject-verb agreement and correct word order.

× Guess I really want to go back to the Boba Park in San Diego because it has a well maintained garden with lush greenery and most impressive with a tree like path with a lot of coloring butterfly.

✓ I really want to go back to Boba Park in San Diego because it has a well-maintained garden with lush greenery and, most impressively, a tree-lined path with many colorful butterflies.

Start with 'I' rather than 'Guess' for a complete sentence. 'Boba Park' does not need 'the' unless it's part of the name. Hyphenate 'well-maintained.' 'Most impressive with a tree like path' is ungrammatical; use 'most impressively, a tree-lined path.' 'Tree like' should be 'tree-lined.' 'a lot of coloring butterfly' should be 'many colorful butterflies' to fix adjective/adverb and plural noun forms. This corrects sentence structure, word choice, and plurality.

× I shot up the scenery and had some and got some, uh, fresh air there. Next time I plan to have.

✓ I took photos of the scenery, had some food, and got some fresh air there. Next time I plan to stay longer.

'I shot up the scenery' is unclear; if meaning 'took photos,' use that phrase. 'Had some and got some' is a fragment — specify 'had some food' and remove filler 'uh.' 'Next time I plan to have.' is an incomplete sentence; complete it with a clear intention such as 'plan to stay longer.' Fix verb choice, complete fragments, and remove fillers.