Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details with a linking word. Avoid repeating ideas ("express myself" and "express my feelings" are redundant).

예시: Yes — I loved going to parks as a child. For example, I used to meet my friends there every weekend to play tag and climb trees, which helped me become more outgoing and confident.

제안: Use a clearer structure: state your current situation first, then add a specific activity you would enjoy. Avoid vague phrases like "and stuff" and correct small grammar errors ("school works" → "schoolwork", "at on a bench" → "on a bench").

예시: Not often, because I’m busy with schoolwork at the moment. However, when I have free time I’d enjoy going with friends or family to read a book or relax on a bench in a quiet area.

제안: Provide one clear reason with a specific example and use linking words to connect ideas. Avoid broad generalisations like "everyone"; instead say "many people" or give an example group.

예시: Yes, I would. Since our city only has one playground, more parks would give residents places to unwind. For instance, office workers could walk in a nearby park during lunch breaks to reduce stress and improve their mood.

제안: Be more specific about what appeals to you and tighten the wording. Use linking words to explain reasons and avoid awkward phrasing ("made them feel" → "seemed").

예시: Yes — I’d love to visit Hong Kong Disneyland. I’ve watched many videos showing the themed lands, parades and character interactions, which seem magical and entertaining, and I think I would enjoy the immersive atmosphere and shows.

× Yes, I did like going to parks or playgrounds when I was young.

✓ Yes, I liked going to parks or playgrounds when I was young.

Using 'did like' with the base verb is possible for emphasis, but in a simple past narrative the natural form is 'liked'. Change to 'liked' to match standard past tense narration and be concise.

× I was able to express myself in a playful way, especially playing with friends or my family.

✓ I could express myself in a playful way, especially when playing with friends or family.

Use 'could' or simple past 'was able to' consistently; add 'when' before the -ing clause to show time/condition. Also 'my family' can be shortened to 'family' for naturalness.

× Because of that, I learned to be an extroverted person and to express my feelings outwardly.

✓ Because of that, I learned to be an extroverted person and to express my feelings outwardly.

Sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. It uses past tense 'learned' to refer to a past development, which fits the context.

× Well no because recently I've been busy with my school works and stuff but I would like to go to parks with my friends and families and share a quiet atmosphere with them.

✓ Well, no. Recently I've been busy with my schoolwork and other things, but I would like to go to parks with my friends and family and share a quiet atmosphere with them.

Use 'schoolwork' (uncountable) instead of 'school works'. Add punctuation for clarity. 'Friends and family' is the natural expression; avoid pluralizing 'family' when referring to relatives collectively.

× Maybe read a book or just chill at on a bench.

✓ Maybe read a book or just chill on a bench.

Remove the extra preposition 'at'. The correct preposition is 'on' for sitting on a bench. Maintain parallel structure with infinitive 'read' and base verb 'chill'.

× Yes, I would like to see more parks around here since there's only one playground in my city.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks around here since there's only one playground in my city.

Sentence is correct. 'There's' (there is) is acceptable because 'one playground' is singular; no change needed.

× Nowadays everyone is just focusing on their phones on their work, but with a park around them, I think it would help them relax and relieve stress.

✓ Nowadays everyone is just focusing on their phones at work, but having a park nearby would, I think, help them relax and relieve stress.

Use 'at work' rather than 'on their work'. 'With a park around them' is awkward; 'having a park nearby' is more natural. Change 'I think it would help them' to 'would, I think, help them' for smoother word order.

× Yes, I would love to go to Disneyland Hong Kong someday because I've seen a lot of post videos and reviews about their experience, their appearance, and their surroundings.

✓ Yes, I would love to go to Hong Kong Disneyland someday because I've seen many video posts and reviews about people's experiences, the park's appearance, and its surroundings.

Use the common name 'Hong Kong Disneyland'. 'A lot of post videos' is ungrammatical; 'many video posts' or 'a lot of videos' is better. 'Their experience' is unclear—use 'people's experiences'. Match possessives consistently for the park: 'the park's appearance' and 'its surroundings'.

× It made them feel magical and unreal, especially with the fictional characters.

✓ It made people feel that it was magical and unreal, especially because of the fictional characters.

Original 'them' is vague; 'people' clarifies the subject. Add 'that it was' for clarity of what felt magical. 'With the fictional characters' is less clear than 'because of the fictional characters'.

× They're entertaining you.

✓ They are entertaining to watch.

Original 'They're entertaining you' incorrectly addresses the listener and uses wrong tense/structure for describing characters. Use 'They are entertaining to watch' or 'They are entertaining' to describe fictional characters in general.