Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more direct and coherent: start with a clear topic sentence, then briefly explain the fear with specific details and use correct tense and simpler phrasing. Keep answer to 2–3 sentences and avoid redundant words like “dramatic dramatically.”

예시: Yes, I liked going to parks as a child, but I was afraid of high swings and other tall playground rides. Because of that fear I usually avoided those attractions and stayed with gentler equipment.

제안: Answer directly and use linking words to compare past and present. Use correct grammar (present simple) and a concise explanation of why you go now. Limit to 2–3 sentences.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. While they were mainly for fun when I was a child, now I visit parks to relax and clear my mind after a long or stressful day.

제안: Be specific about why you want more parks and avoid repetitive phrasing. Use one clear topic sentence then add a reason with an example. Correct small grammar issues (e.g., ‘for children’).

예시: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because they provide safe places for children to play and for adults to exercise. For example, the parks near my home are well maintained and popular with families, so more parks would benefit the whole community.

제안: Clarify which park you mean and state a reasonable future plan. Avoid unclear phrases like “heavily disguised” and repeated words. Use one topic sentence plus one supporting detail about your future intention.

예시: Yes, there is a new riverside park I want to visit in the future because I have heard it has walking trails and playgrounds. I plan to go there next month with my family to try the trails and take my niece to the playground.

× Yes, of course I like it very much, but when I was a child, unfortunately I have a fear in my mind from a high swings and such toys which were seen as dramatic dramatically.

✓ Yes, of course I liked it very much, but when I was a child I was afraid of high swings and similar rides that seemed dramatic.

Errors: tense inconsistency and incorrect expression. 'I like' should be past 'I liked' to match 'when I was a child'. 'I have a fear in my mind from' is unnatural — use 'I was afraid of'. 'a high swings' has singular/plural mismatch and article error; use 'high swings' or 'a high swing'. 'such toys which were seen as dramatic dramatically' is redundant/incorrect; use 'similar rides that seemed dramatic'. Suggestion: keep past tense throughout, use natural collocations (be afraid of, seemed dramatic).

× I like it now as well, but when I was a small child it was too much fun there.

✓ I like it now as well, but when I was a small child it was much more fun there.

Comparative/time expression error: 'too much fun' is awkward here; 'much more fun' correctly compares past enjoyment to present. Maintain past reference 'when I was a small child' with appropriate comparative form. Suggestion: use 'much more fun' or 'a lot more fun'.

× But parks are used now as a source of mind refreshing and taking a break after so much heavy day.

✓ Now parks are used as places to refresh your mind and take a break after a long, hard day.

Awkward structure and incorrect collocations: 'source of mind refreshing' is unnatural; use 'places to refresh your mind'. 'so much heavy day' is ungrammatical — use 'a long, hard day'. Also change passive phrasing to natural passive/active structure. Suggestion: use common expressions 'refresh your mind' and 'a long, hard day'.

× In fact, I'm visiting. I'm visiting many parks in my state and nearby.

✓ In fact, I visit many parks in my state and nearby areas.

'I'm visiting' implies a temporary action happening now; the speaker means a habitual action, so use present simple 'I visit'. Also combine and clarify 'nearby' to 'nearby areas'. Suggestion: use present simple for habitual actions and avoid repeating the same sentence twice.

× I like it very much and they are well developed near me.

✓ I like them very much and they are well developed near me.

Pronoun mismatch: 'it' refers to parks (plural), so use 'them'. 'They are well developed near me' is acceptable after correcting pronoun. Suggestion: ensure pronouns agree in number with their antecedents.

× I appreciate the authorities who have made it for child.

✓ I appreciate the authorities who have made them for children.

Article and number errors: 'made it for child' is wrong. Parks are plural so use 'them' and 'children' (plural). Also 'for children' is the correct phrase. Suggestion: match number and use plural when referring generally to children.

× Yes, definitely in the parks near me are heavily disguised.

✓ Yes, definitely the parks near me are heavily decorated.

Word choice and structure errors: 'heavily disguised' is incorrect for parks; likely meant 'decorated' or 'landscaped'. Place the subject before the verb for clearer English: 'the parks near me are...'. Suggestion: choose appropriate verb (decorated/landscaped) and use normal subject-verb order.

× Yes definitely the parks near me are heavily are heavily filled with the children's.

✓ Yes, definitely the parks near me are heavily filled with children.

Pronoun and article errors: 'the children's' is possessive and incorrect; use 'children' (plural) as the noun. Also duplicated 'are heavily are heavily' — remove repetition. Suggestion: use plural nouns without apostrophe for plain plural meaning and avoid duplication.

× I used to go there and I have a dream to complete.

✓ I used to go there and I have a dream I want to fulfill.

Mixed tense and awkward phrasing: 'used to go' (past habit) is fine. 'I have a dream to complete' is unnatural; use 'a dream I want to fulfill' or 'a dream to fulfill'. 'Complete' is not commonly used with 'dream' in this way. Suggestion: use 'fulfill' or 'achieve' with 'dream' and keep present-tense intention 'I want to'.