Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Cải thiện độ trôi chảy và chính xác ngữ pháp: tránh tiếng “uh” thừa, sửa lỗi ngữ pháp (ví dụ “my dad's often took me” → “my dad often took me” hoặc “my dad used to take me”), và làm rõ từ vựng không phù hợp (“pubs” không đúng trong ngữ cảnh công viên). Giữ câu ngắn gọn, bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề rồi thêm 1–2 chi tiết cụ thể về hoạt động bạn làm ở công viên.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks when I was little because I was very curious and energetic. My dad often took me to a small park near our house where I liked playing on the swings and exploring the flower beds.

제안: Cải thiện sự tự nhiên và chính xác ngôn ngữ: tránh cấu trúc clumsy như “isn't a really bright idea” (nên dùng “not really a good idea”) và số nhiều/số ít (“a ton of works” → “a ton of work” hoặc “a lot of work”). Nên thêm liên kết hợp lý giữa câu (e.g. “however” được dùng tốt) và đưa ví dụ cụ thể về khi nào bạn sẽ đi công viên với bạn bè.

예시: Not really at the moment because I have a lot of schoolwork to finish. However, I would like to go again during the holidays with friends, maybe for a picnic or a group walk.

제안: Cải thiện mạch lạc và lựa chọn từ: tránh lặp ý và câu hỏi tu từ không cần thiết. Sử dụng liên từ để nối ý rõ ràng và cung cấp lý do cụ thể hơn (ví dụ: cải thiện sức khỏe, không khí, không gian thư giãn). Sửa nhỏ về ngữ pháp (“authority” → “the authorities” hoặc “local authorities”).

예시: Yes, I would. My city is mostly concrete, so we need more green spaces to improve air quality and give people somewhere to relax. The local authorities should create more parks with trees and benches for families.

제안: Cải thiện chính xác ngữ pháp và cụ thể hóa thông tin: sửa các lỗi như “I've gone to all in my province” → “I've been to all the parks in my province” và tên công viên nên là “Kim Park” preceded by article if needed. Tránh lặp từ (“tranquil and peace and quiet” → “tranquil atmosphere” hoặc “peace and quiet”). Thêm một chi tiết cụ thể về vì sao bạn muốn tới (một hoạt động hay điểm nổi bật).

예시: I've been to most parks in my province, so I would like to visit Kim Park in Hanoi. It is famous for its large lake and peaceful atmosphere, and I'd love to walk around the lake and take photos.

× I loved crowded and noisy places such as pubs and so my dad's often took me to 1 near my house.

✓ I loved crowded and noisy places such as pubs, so my dad often took me to one near my house.

The sentence has plural/singular inconsistency and punctuation issues. 'dad's' is incorrect possessive; use 'dad' as subject. '1' should be 'one'. Combine clauses correctly with a comma before 'so'. Suggestion: use 'one' for a single place and 'dad' (not 'dad's').

× Well, I think this is not the case for me now because at present I'm having a ton of works to do, including school assignments, so going to the park isn't a really bright idea.

✓ Well, I don't think this is the case for me now because at present I have a ton of work to do, including school assignments, so going to the park isn't a very good idea.

Use simple present 'have' rather than progressive 'I'm having' for possession/obligation. 'works' as plural is incorrect; 'work' is uncountable. 'a really bright idea' is informal/awkward; use 'a very good idea'. Suggestion: use 'have' and 'work' as uncountable noun and replace 'really bright' with 'very good'.

× To be honest, yes, because my city is a complete concrete jungle, so citizens really need green space.

✓ To be honest, yes, because my city is a complete concrete jungle, so citizens really need green spaces.

'green space' can be countable in this context when referring to multiple areas; use plural 'green spaces' to match 'citizens need' general provision. Suggestion: use plural when talking about multiple areas in a city.

× And what is the green space that can be located in the city? Yes, parks.

✓ What kind of green spaces can be found in a city? Parks, for example.

Original sentence is awkward and fragmented. Rephrase into a clear question 'What kind of green spaces can be found...' and answer 'Parks, for example.' Suggestion: avoid rhetorical fragment and use full clauses.

× Parks are excellent choices and authority should build more in the future.

✓ Parks are excellent choices and the authorities should build more in the future.

Use plural 'authorities' or 'the authorities' instead of singular 'authority' when referring to governing bodies. Add definite article 'the'. Suggestion: use 'the authorities' to refer to government bodies.

× Well, I've gone to all in my province, so now if I have to pick one, I would choose the one Kim Park in Hanoi.

✓ Well, I've been to all of them in my province, so now if I had to pick one, I would choose Kim Park in Hanoi.

Use 'been to' or 'gone to' with 'all of them' for places. Add 'of them' after 'all'. 'the one Kim Park' is incorrect article/order; say 'choose Kim Park'. Use conditional past 'if I had to pick' for hypothetical. Suggestion: use 'been to all of them' and correct conditional form.

× It is a really prominent park and people from all over the country go there to enjoy the tranquil and peace and quiet.

✓ It is a really prominent park and people from all over the country go there to enjoy the tranquility and peace and quiet.

'the tranquil' is incorrect as used; use the noun 'tranquility'. 'peace and quiet' is correct; combine with 'tranquility'. Suggestion: use nouns 'tranquility' or 'a tranquil atmosphere' rather than adjective 'tranquil' alone.