Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and grammatical: give a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details. Fix tense and article errors, and avoid fragmentary words. Use linking words like 'because' or 'and' to connect ideas.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because I often spent hours there walking or riding bikes with my friends. For example, every Saturday we would meet in the park to play games and explore, which made those days very memorable.

제안: Give a direct topic sentence and reduce fillers (uh, um). Use correct phrases (e.g., 'on a daily basis') and add one specific example of how parks help you. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

예시: Yes, I still go to parks on a daily basis because they help me relax and clear my mind. For instance, I usually walk there for 30 minutes each morning, which reduces my anxiety and improves my focus for the day.

제안: Start with a clear opinion and give a specific reason or benefit for having more parks. Avoid vague phrases and fillers; use future tense correctly ('in the future there will be').

예시: Yes, absolutely. Since I live in a small city, more parks would provide attractive recreational spaces and improve residents' wellbeing, so I hope the city will build several new green areas in the future.

제안: Answer directly and give a specific type of park you want to visit (e.g., botanical garden, riverside park). Use correct word forms ('areas to relax') and avoid repetitive phrasing. Provide a concrete activity you would do there.

예시: I would like to visit a riverside park or a botanical garden in the future because I enjoy quiet green spaces. There I would spend time with friends, practice yoga by the water, and take long walks to relax.

× Yes, I actually did, and I was spending a lot of time there for just walking or riding a bike with my friends.

✓ Yes, I actually did, and I spent a lot of time there just walking or riding a bike with my friends.

The original uses past continuous 'was spending' where simple past 'spent' is more natural for habitual past actions. Also 'for just walking' is awkward; use 'just walking' after 'spent'. Suggest using simple past to describe repeated past activities.

× I was doing outdoor activities and I adore those time.

✓ I did outdoor activities and I adored those times.

Mixes past ('was doing') with present ('adore') and uses singular 'time' incorrectly. Use simple past 'did' and past 'adored' to keep tense consistent. 'Those times' (plural) is correct when referring to multiple occasions.

× Memorable.

✓ They were memorable.

Single-word fragment lacks subject and verb. Adding 'They were' creates a complete sentence referring back to the experiences.

× Yes I do and I do it in a daily basis almost because uh, it helps me to refresh my mind and umm uh, to reduce my anxiety and overthinking.

✓ Yes, I do, and I do it on a daily basis because it helps me refresh my mind and reduce my anxiety and overthinking.

Use 'on a daily basis' not 'in a daily basis'. Remove filler words. 'Helps me to refresh' is acceptable but 'helps me refresh' is more natural. Keep present simple for routines.

× So yes, I still like this.

✓ So yes, I still like it.

Use object pronoun 'it' rather than demonstrative 'this' when referring to the activity of going to parks. Present simple 'still like' is correct.

× Yes, absolutely, because uh, I live in a small city and I wish that uh, in future it will be more interesting places there and I could go.

✓ Yes, absolutely, because I live in a small city and I wish that in the future there would be more interesting places I could go to.

'I wish' with a future change should use conditional 'would be' rather than 'will be'. Word order corrected: 'more interesting places I could go to' is natural. Remove fillers.

× Are there any parks you want to go to in the future?

✓ Are there any parks you want to go to in the future?

This sentence is correct. 'Go to in the future' is acceptable. No change needed.

× I wish uh in my city it will be more green spaces and areas for relax so I could go there.

✓ I wish there would be more green spaces and areas for relaxation in my city so I could go there.

Again, use 'would be' after 'I wish' to express a desired but unlikely change. Use noun 'relaxation' instead of verb 'relax' after 'areas for'. Place 'in my city' in a natural position.

× So if it's there any I definitely could go there and spend a lot of time with my friends or exercising yoga.

✓ So if there were any, I would definitely go there and spend a lot of time with my friends or do yoga.

Conditional structure requires 'if there were any' (second conditional) and main clause should use 'would' rather than bare 'could' for willingness; 'could' indicates ability but 'would' is more natural for intention. 'Exercising yoga' is awkward; use 'do yoga'. Also remove 'it's' which is incorrect here.