Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetitions and hesitations, and give one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words (e.g., because, so) to connect ideas. Maintain sentence variety and correct minor grammar (e.g., 'extracurriculars were not encouraged').

예시: Yes — I loved going to parks as a child because my family focused mainly on school and discouraged extracurriculars, so that hour outside felt like a rare treat. For example, I spent that time playing with friends and exploring nature, which made it feel like my own special time.

제안: Answer directly and avoid filler words. Provide clear reasons and a brief contrast if relevant. Fix phrasing (e.g., 'I don't fancy spending time in parks' or 'I don't go to parks much now'). Use linking words like 'because' and 'however' for cohesion and keep it within 3–4 sentences.

예시: Not really — I don't visit parks much now because I find going out time-consuming and the weather here is often very hot. Instead, I prefer staying at home and watching shows online, although I sometimes go out early in the morning when it is cooler.

제안: Give a clear direct response and support it with specific benefits and a linking phrase. Avoid repetition and vague phrases like 'I think it would help me' — explain how it helps (e.g., reduces stress, improves fitness). Keep answers concise and specific.

예시: Yes, I would — I'm trying to make visiting parks a regular habit because the greenery relaxes me and walking outdoors improves my mood and fitness. More parks in the city would make it easier for people to unwind and exercise.

제안: Provide a concise topical sentence then give vivid, specific details and a reason for interest. Avoid hesitations and small repetitions. Use linking words like 'for example' or 'such as' to list activities, and correct phrasing (e.g., 'appears on my Instagram feed').

예시: Yes — a park that often appears on my Instagram feed looks especially appealing. It has a central pond surrounded by mature trees, and people practice yoga there or play fetch with their dogs, so I would love to visit to relax and maybe join a yoga session.

× I loved going to the parks as a child because I'm from a household where education is considered the most, most important and extracurricular are, are not given any, uh, sanctions.

✓ I loved going to parks as a child because I'm from a household where education is considered the most important and extracurricular activities are not given much importance.

The phrase 'the parks' implies specific parks; general habit uses plural without the definite article: 'going to parks'. 'Most, most important' is redundant; use 'most important'. 'Extracurricular' needs a noun: 'extracurricular activities'. 'Are not given any sanctions' is incorrect word choice and meaning; use 'are not given much importance' to convey low priority. Ensure articles and noun forms are correct and avoid redundancy. (Grammar problem type ID: 22)

× So when I used to go to park, uh, that one hour of my day was everything that I needed.

✓ So when I used to go to the park, that one hour of my day was everything I needed.

The phrase 'go to park' misses the definite article for a specific habitual place: 'go to the park'. 'Everything that I needed' is wordy; 'everything I needed' is more natural. Remove filler words to improve sentence flow. (Grammar problem type ID: 26)

× Now, as I have grown older, I don't uh, fancy myself, uh, hour in the park.

✓ Now, as I have grown older, I don't really enjoy spending an hour in the park.

'Fancy myself hour in the park' is ungrammatical and unclear. Use 'don't really enjoy' for present preference. 'an hour in the park' requires the article 'an' before 'hour' and 'spending' to indicate time duration. Maintain present tense for current habits. (Grammar problem type ID: 6)

× This is because I find uh, going outside really really uh, really time consuming and annoying.

✓ This is because I find going outside really time-consuming and annoying.

'Really really uh, really' is repetitive; use a single intensifier. 'Time consuming' should be hyphenated when used as a compound adjective before a noun or as a predicate: 'time-consuming'. Remove unnecessary fillers. (Grammar problem type ID: 13)

× I would rather prefer being in house and uh, streaming on my streaming platform.

✓ I would rather stay in the house and stream on my streaming platform.

'Prefer' and 'would rather' are redundant together; use one: 'would rather' or 'prefer'. 'Being in house' is missing the article 'the' before 'house'. Use 'stay in the house' and the verb 'stream' to match 'streaming platform'. Also remove repetition 'streaming on my streaming platform' to 'stream on my streaming platform'. (Grammar problem type ID: 11)

× Yes, I think this is the habit that I'm trying to incorporate, incorporate more in my life.

✓ Yes, I think this is a habit that I'm trying to incorporate more into my life.

'The habit' implies a specific habit; 'a habit' is appropriate. 'Incorporate more in my life' should be 'incorporate more into my life' — use the preposition 'into' with 'incorporate'. Remove the doubled word 'incorporate'. (Grammar problem type ID: 8)

× I want to go out and visit more parks because the greenery often pleases my eyes and I think it would help me.

✓ I want to go out and visit more parks because greenery often pleases my eyes, and I think it would help me.

'The greenery' is acceptable but when speaking generally, omit 'the': 'greenery often pleases my eyes'. Add a comma before conjunction 'and' to separate clauses. Pronoun use is acceptable; this correction refines article usage. (Grammar problem type ID: 12)

× There is this one park that uh, has been coming on my feed, Instagram feed very often.

✓ There is this one park that has been appearing on my Instagram feed very often.

'Has been coming on my feed' is unnatural; use 'has been appearing on my Instagram feed'. Also place 'Instagram' before 'feed' and remove extra commas. 'There is' is fine here to introduce the park. (Grammar problem type ID: 3)

× It has a pond in the middle and it has trees surrounding it, uh, in the ground.

✓ It has a pond in the middle and trees surrounding it on the ground.

'Surrounding it, in the ground' is awkward. 'Surrounding it on the ground' or simply 'trees surrounding it' is clearer. Remove filler and redundant phrasing. (Grammar problem type ID: 11)

× People come there for yoga. People come there to play fetch with the dogs.

✓ People go there to do yoga. People go there to play fetch with their dogs.

'Come there for yoga' is understandable but 'go there to do yoga' is more natural. 'Play fetch with the dogs' assumes specific dogs; 'their dogs' clarifies ownership. Use consistent verb 'go' for place-directed actions. (Grammar problem type ID: 11)