Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Improve grammar and sentence structure to sound more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, use correct verb forms, and add a linking word when adding details. Be specific about activities or feelings to enrich the response within 3–4 sentences.

예시: Yes, I loved going to the park with my grandmother when I was a child. She took me for a morning walk almost every day, and I met many of her friends there, which helped me become more confident speaking with adults. We also played with other children in a shady corner of the park under large trees, which was always fun and relaxing.

제안: Correct grammar and collocations and make sentences shorter and clearer. Use linking words (for example, "because" or "also") to show cause and effect. Avoid vague phrases and ensure subject-verb agreement. Provide one concrete example of an activity you do there.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. Because I am a dietitian, I often exercise there in the evenings to relax after work, such as walking or light jogging. I also sometimes meet old friends and we chat, which helps me feel more connected to the community.

제안: Improve cohesion by linking sentences and correcting grammar (e.g., plural forms, articles). Be specific about why more parks are needed and give one clear example of a benefit. Keep it within 3–4 concise sentences.

예시: Definitely. My city has become overcrowded and many green spaces have been taken over by high-rise buildings, so people now struggle to find places for exercise. More parks would provide safe areas for daily workouts and improve air quality, which is why I moved to a semi-rural area to find more open space.

제안: Clarify unclear phrases and correct vocabulary and grammar (e.g., "hybrid species" may be inaccurate; "rules" and "how they care for the animals" is fine). Be specific about what attracts you and what you want your children to learn. Use linking words and avoid awkward words like "compact."

예시: I'm eager to visit Nature Park because I saw videos showing rare species and conservation programs that protect endangered animals. I want to learn about their care and conservation rules, and I hope to take my children there so they can learn about wildlife conservation and respect for nature.

× Yes, I enjoyed a lot going to park with my grandmother especially she used to take me daily on a morning walk.

✓ Yes, I enjoyed going to the park with my grandmother; especially she used to take me for a morning walk every day.

The phrase 'enjoyed a lot going' incorrectly places 'a lot' between verb and gerund; use 'enjoyed going' or 'enjoyed it a lot'. 'Going to park' needs the definite article 'the park'. 'On a morning walk' is awkward; use 'for a morning walk' or 'on morning walks' and 'daily' fits better as 'every day'. Use a semicolon or conjunction to connect the clauses for clarity.

× Also introduce me lots of her friends so that I can well communication skill.

✓ She also introduced me to many of her friends so that I could improve my communication skills.

The original lacks a proper subject and verb tense ('introduce' should be past 'introduced'). 'Introduce me lots of her friends' needs 'introduced me to many of her friends'. 'So that I can well communication skill' is ungrammatical: use 'could improve my communication skills' to express ability in the past and plural 'skills'.

× Moreover, I made a couple of friends there.

✓ Moreover, I made a couple of friends there.

Sentence is grammatically correct; 'a couple of friends' is appropriate. No change needed. (Included for completeness per instruction to only correct listed types.)

× We used to play together in the corner of that park which was very shady with lots of green trees.

✓ We used to play together in the corner of that park, which was very shady with lots of green trees.

Main issue is punctuation and clarity rather than grammar type list, but 'the corner of that park' is acceptable. Added a comma before the nonrestrictive clause 'which was very shady' for correct sentence structure.

× Yes, being a dietitian I practice what preach so in the evening hours when I am free from all my responsibility, I go straight to the work that helps me to unwind from daily stress.

✓ Yes, as a dietitian I practice what I preach, so in the evening when I am free from my responsibilities, I go for a walk that helps me unwind from daily stress.

Missing subject 'I' in 'practice what preach' and article/word choice issues. Use 'as a dietitian' for role, 'practice what I preach' is the correct idiom. 'All my responsibility' should be plural 'my responsibilities'. 'Go straight to the work' is incorrect for walking in park; 'go for a walk' fits context. 'Helps me to unwind' can be 'helps me unwind'.

× Sometimes I also run into my older friends so we do chit chat there.

✓ Sometimes I also run into my older friends, so we chit-chat there.

'Do chit chat' is incorrect; use the verb 'chit-chat' or 'have a chat'. Added a comma before 'so' to separate clauses.

× Going to park not only refreshing my mind but also strengthening my relationship with my community.

✓ Going to the park not only refreshes my mind but also strengthens my relationships within my community.

Missing auxiliary verb and incorrect verb forms: 'not only refreshing' should be 'not only refreshes' to agree with singular gerund subject 'Going to the park'. Also use 'the park' and plural 'relationships' or 'relationship' consistently and 'within my community' for clarity.

× Definitely yes.

✓ Definitely, yes.

Short answers are acceptable, but punctuation improves clarity; adding a comma separates the intensifier. No major grammatical error.

× My city has become overcrowded now most of the green space is consumed by high riser building.

✓ My city has become overcrowded; most of the green space has been consumed by high-rise buildings.

Run-on sentence needs separation. 'High riser building' is incorrect; use 'high-rise buildings'. Use present perfect passive 'has been consumed' to match 'has become'.

× People are struggling to find a green space to do their daily physical workout.

✓ People are struggling to find green spaces to do their daily physical workouts.

Use plural 'green spaces' and 'workouts' for countable activities. 'To do their daily physical workout' is awkward; pluralizing makes it natural. Alternatively, 'to do their daily exercise' would be smoother.

× I'm really hopeful to have more green space in my city.

✓ I'm really hopeful that we will have more green spaces in my city.

'Hopeful to have' is less natural; use 'hopeful that we will have'. Also pluralize 'green spaces' for consistency.

× This is the only reason I shifted from bustling city to the semi rural area.

✓ This is the main reason I moved from the bustling city to a semi-rural area.

'Shifted' is acceptable but 'moved' is more natural. Add articles 'the bustling city' and 'a semi-rural area'. Hyphenate 'semi-rural'.

× I'm keen to visit Nature's Park, I saw some video of it on Facebook and Instagram that show a lot of hybrid species and effort to protect endangered animals.

✓ I'm keen to visit Nature's Park; I saw some videos of it on Facebook and Instagram that show many hybrid species and efforts to protect endangered animals.

Run-on sentence needs separation. 'Some video' should be plural 'some videos'. 'Show a lot of' -> 'show many'. 'Effort' should be plural 'efforts' to match 'show'.

× And I would like to learn about the rule, how they care for the animals.

✓ I would like to learn about the rules and how they care for the animals.

Use plural 'rules' if referring to park rules. Remove leading 'And' and connect the clauses with 'and' rather than a comma.

× Moreover, I want to encourage my kids so they learn compact.

✓ Moreover, I want to encourage my kids so they learn to be more environmentally conscious.

'Learn compact' is ungrammatical and unclear. Likely intended meaning is to teach children to appreciate compactness or environmental conservation; 'learn to be more environmentally conscious' conveys the idea. Use 'so they learn to' + verb phrase.