Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Make the answer grammatically consistent (past tense), be concise, and add one specific example to illustrate how parks helped you. Use a clear topic sentence then a supporting detail with a linking phrase.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, my friends and I played hide-and-seek and organized small races, which helped me become more confident because I often had to lead the games and speak up for others.

제안: Avoid short choppy sentences and repeat words. Combine ideas into one or two sentences and add a specific detail about what you do there or why you enjoy it, using a linking phrase for coherence.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks; in fact, my friends and I go every weekend to relax and play football, which helps us unwind after a busy week.

제안: Use correct conditional structure and improve clarity by combining similar ideas. Provide a concrete reason or example and use linking words like 'because' or 'for example'.

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they would provide safe, natural spaces for families; for example, parents could take young children to play without worrying about traffic.

제안: Avoid repetition and be more specific about why you want to visit. Combine sentences and add a linking phrase to explain the reason or what you expect to experience.

예시: Yes — I would love to visit Disneyland in Paris because the themed attractions and famous roller coasters look thrilling, and I especially want to try the big rides with my friends.

× I had a friend group and we try new games and I think the natural atmosphere in there helped me create my confidence and develop my personality.

✓ I had a group of friends and we tried new games and I think the natural atmosphere there helped me build my confidence and develop my personality.

Errors: 'friend group' is unnatural collocation (use 'group of friends'); 'we try' mixes past context with present tense (should be past 'we tried'); 'in there' is incorrect preposition use and word order (use 'there' alone); 'create my confidence' is incorrect collocation (use 'build my confidence'). Suggestion: Keep past tense consistently when referring to childhood, use natural collocations: 'a group of friends', 'we tried', 'there', and 'build my confidence'.

× Now we go there.

✓ Now we go there.

No grammatical correction needed. The sentence correctly uses present tense to describe habitual action. No change required.

× We go there every weekend with my friends.

✓ We go there every weekend with my friends.

No grammatical correction needed. The present simple is appropriate for habitual actions. No change required.

× We enjoy the atmosphere.

✓ We enjoy the atmosphere.

No grammatical correction needed. Present simple correctly describes a general truth or habitual feeling. No change required.

× It would be really great if we see more parks in our city because it would help parents who want to take care of their child in safe places, in natural places.

✓ It would be really great if we saw more parks in our city because it would help parents who want to take their children to safe, natural places.

Errors: In conditional sentences expressing hypothetical situations, the verb in the 'if' clause should be past (use 'if we saw', not 'if we see'). 'Take care of their child in safe places' is awkward and uses singular 'child' with plural 'parents' — use 'their children'. 'In safe places, in natural places' is repetitive and awkward; combine as 'safe, natural places'. Suggestion: Use second conditional structure 'If + past, would + base verb' and match plural nouns and natural adjective order.

× Yes, there's a park. There's an amusement park in Paris called Disneyland.

✓ Yes, there's an amusement park in Paris called Disneyland.

Redundancy: two sentences with 'there's' are unnecessary. Better to combine into one clear sentence. Also 'a park' followed by 'there's an amusement park' can be merged for conciseness. Suggestion: Combine redundant 'there is' clauses into one sentence: 'There's an amusement park in Paris called Disneyland.'

× I would really like to visit there and take a roller coaster ride.

✓ I would really like to visit there and go on a roller coaster ride.

'Take a roller coaster ride' is understandable but in natural English we usually say 'go on a roller coaster' or 'go on a roller coaster ride'. Also when using 'visit there' it's more natural to say 'visit it' or simply 'visit' (but 'visit there' is acceptable in casual speech). Suggestion: Use natural collocations: 'go on a roller coaster' and consider 'visit it' for clarity if referring to Disneyland.