Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Your answer is natural and conveys meaning, but it is somewhat repetitive and long. To improve, begin with a clear topic sentence, avoid repeating phrases (e.g. "I really" multiple times), use one or two specific supporting details, and keep to 3–4 concise sentences. Use linking words like "because" or "so" to connect ideas logically.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because there was a small playground near my house. I often went there with my cousin and our parents, and we used to play on the swings and climb the jungle gym. Those visits were some of my happiest childhood memories.

제안: The content is relevant but you repeat phrases and hesitation markers weaken fluency. Improve by stating a direct answer first (Yes/No + brief reason), then give one specific example and a linking word. Reduce filler words like "umm" and phrases like "you know."

예시: I still enjoy going to parks occasionally because I find them peaceful. For example, I like to take a short walk or sit on a bench and listen to music while watching children play, which helps me relax.

제안: Your reply repeats the previous answer and does not directly state whether you would like more parks. Improve by answering directly (Yes/No + reason), add a specific benefit of more parks, and keep the response concise. Use linking words like "because" or "so" to show the relationship.

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide quiet spaces for relaxation and exercise. For instance, having a nearby park would let families and children have safe places to play and improve the neighbourhood's atmosphere.

제안: Good idea expressed, but the answer is filled with hesitations and wordy phrases. Improve by giving one clear example of the type of park you want to visit (e.g. botanical garden, national park), explain why briefly, and avoid repeated filler words.

예시: I'm interested in visiting a quiet botanical garden or a national park where I can relax alone. For example, a botanical garden with benches and shaded paths would be ideal for reading and enjoying nature without being disturbed.

× Oh, I actually really liked it and I really enjoyed going to the parks, but it didn't happen that much because there aren't so many parks in my neighborhood and there's still not enough parks for children to go and play in.

✓ Oh, I actually really liked it and I really enjoyed going to parks, but it didn't happen that much because there aren't many parks in my neighborhood and there still aren't enough parks for children to go and play in.

The phrase 'the parks' is unnecessary generalization; use 'parks' for plural activity. 'There aren't so many' is informal and less accurate; use 'there aren't many'. 'There's still not enough parks' mixes singular contraction with plural noun; change to 'there still aren't enough parks' for subject-verb agreement and correct quantifier usage. Suggestions: drop unnecessary 'the', use 'many' with countable plural, ensure 'there are' matches plural noun.

× But I remember there was a small park and I had a lot of fun in that park with my cousin.

✓ But I remember there was a small park, and I had a lot of fun in that park with my cousin.

Sentence is mostly correct but missing a comma before the coordinating conjunction improves clarity. No major grammatical error beyond punctuation; keeping 'there was a small park' is correct for a singular past existence. Suggestion: add comma for readability.

× Actually, we went there a lot and you know, with our, with our parents being on our side.

✓ Actually, we went there a lot, with our parents accompanying us.

'With our, with our parents being on our side' is awkward and uses idiomatic 'on our side' incorrectly; 'accompanying us' is clearer and grammatically correct. Recommendation: use a concise pronoun structure and avoid repeated filler phrases.

× I don't really, umm, as I said, there aren't enough parks, especially the kind of parks which the environment is, uh, good to go out.

✓ I don't really; as I said, there aren't enough parks, especially parks with a pleasant environment to go out to.

'The kind of parks which the environment is, uh, good to go out' is ungrammatical. Use a relative clause or adjective phrase: 'parks with a pleasant environment' or 'parks where the environment is pleasant'. Also add 'to' after 'go out' when indicating destination. Suggest removing fillers and restructuring for clarity.

× But, umm, sometimes I really need to go for a walk or sit in silence or maybe listen to music in the parks, watching children just play around.

✓ But sometimes I really need to go for a walk, sit in silence, or maybe listen to music in the park while watching children play.

Use singular 'the park' or 'a park' when referring to the activity in general; 'in the parks' is awkward. 'Watching children just play around' can be simplified to 'watching children play'. Combine parallel verbs with commas for better flow.

× It gives me, you know, good vibes.

✓ It gives me, you know, good vibes.

This sentence is acceptable colloquial English. No change needed; keep as is. Note: 'good vibes' is idiomatic plural, and 'gives me' correctly matches singular subject 'it'.

× I'm not really familiar with the parks all around the world or in my country, but I would like to visit a park where I can have a, you know, a tranquil self time for myself and, you know, just being right there sitting and not being disturbed by any, you know, disturbing people.

✓ I'm not really familiar with parks all around the world or in my country, but I would like to visit a park where I can have some tranquil time to myself and just sit there without being disturbed by other people.

Several issues: 'the parks all around the world' is better as 'parks all around the world' (remove unnecessary 'the'). 'A tranquil self time for myself' is redundant and ungrammatical; use 'some tranquil time to myself'. 'Just being right there sitting' should be 'just sit there'. 'Any, you know, disturbing people' is awkward; use 'other people' or 'people who would disturb me'. Suggestions: remove fillers, avoid redundancy ('self' and 'for myself'), and use natural collocations like 'time to myself' and 'sit there'.