Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be careful with tense and grammar, avoid redundancy, and make sentences more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct plural and verb forms (e.g., 'my whole family', 'when I went').

예시: Yes — I loved going to parks as a child, especially Han River Park with my whole family. The park had a calm riverside atmosphere, and we often shared delicious ramen together, which made those visits very memorable.

제안: Fix word order and tense errors, and combine ideas to make your answer coherent. Use linking words (however, but, so) properly. Give one clear reason and a positive follow-up if relevant.

예시: I still like going to parks, but I no longer visit the Han River because I moved to a new house farther away. However, I now go to a nice neighborhood park near my home, so I can still enjoy outdoor time regularly.

제안: Avoid repetition and unclear phrases. Use precise vocabulary ('concrete jungle' instead of 'forest made of buildings') and connect ideas with linking words. State your preference then give one concrete reason and an example of what you'd like.

예시: Yes, I would. Although Seoul is often described as a concrete jungle, the city also has many parks that offer fresh air and nice views. I would like to see more small parks where I can meet friends and relax.

제안: Correct grammar (plural/singular and relative clauses) and make the memory link clearer. Use one linking word to show connection (for example, 'because' or 'so'). Be specific about which parks or activities to make the answer more vivid.

예시: Yes, I would love to revisit parks in Melbourne and Sydney, where I used to walk with my boyfriend. Those walks were special, so whenever I visit parks in Seoul now, they remind me of those memories.

× Yes, I definitely enjoyed it, especially when I go to Han River Park with my whole families.

✓ Yes, I definitely enjoyed it, especially when I went to Han River Park with my whole family.

Pronoun and noun number: 'go' should be past tense 'went' to match 'enjoyed' (past). 'My whole families' is incorrect because 'family' as a group is singular; use 'my whole family.' Use consistent past tense for actions in childhood.

× I could enjoy the atmosphere of the fresh water, but also I used to have some delicious ramen with my family so the memory was so good.

✓ I could enjoy the atmosphere of the fresh air, and I used to have some delicious ramen with my family, so the memories were very good.

Word choice and plurality: 'fresh water' refers to water, but here 'fresh air' is appropriate. 'The memory was so good' is better as 'the memories were very good' to match plural experiences. Also replace 'but also' with 'and' for clearer coordination.

× Unfortunately I went to I moved to a new house which is far from the Han River.

✓ Unfortunately, I moved to a new house which is far from the Han River.

Redundant and incorrect verb 'went to' removed; the intended past action is 'moved.' Also add a comma after 'Unfortunately' for clarity.

× So I stopped going to the Han River parks.

✓ So I stopped going to the Han River park.

Article/number: 'parks' is plural but context refers to the Han River park area as a single place; use singular 'park.' If multiple parks were intended, say 'the Han River parks' but usually 'the Han River park' or 'parks along the Han River.'

× But luckily I had a new go to parks near my house.

✓ But luckily I found some new parks near my house that I could go to.

Unnatural word order and verb choice: 'had a new go to parks' is ungrammatical. Use 'found some new parks near my house that I could go to' to express discovering nearby parks. Maintain past tense 'found' to reflect the narrative.

× Yes, I would say yes because Seoul is really famous for the forest made of buildings, but also there are a lot of parks that provide some fresh air and great scenery.

✓ Yes, I would say so because Seoul is really famous for its concrete 'forest' of buildings, but there are also a lot of parks that provide fresh air and great scenery.

Pronoun and word choice: replace 'yes' with 'so' to avoid repetition. Use 'its' to show possession. 'Forest made of buildings' is awkward; 'concrete forest' or 'a forest of buildings' is idiomatic. Move 'also' to natural position: 'there are also a lot of parks.' Remove 'some' before 'fresh air' for concision.

× So I would say yes and I would like to see more parts with my friends.

✓ So I would say yes, and I would like to see more parks with my friends.

Word choice: 'parts' is incorrect; the intended word is 'parks.' Keep 'with my friends' unchanged. Add a comma before 'and' for clarity in compound sentence.

× I definitely want to revisit some parks that are located in Melbourne and Sydney.

✓ I definitely want to revisit some parks in Melbourne and Sydney.

Wordiness: 'that are located in' is verbose; 'in Melbourne and Sydney' is more natural. Tense is fine (present desire), so no change to tense.

× I used to walk that parts with my boyfriend and I always recall that memories whenever I go to the parks that is in Seoul.

✓ I used to walk those parts with my boyfriend, and I always recall those memories whenever I go to the parks in Seoul.

Pronoun and number agreement: 'that parts' should be 'those parts' (plural demonstrative). 'I always recall that memories' should be 'those memories' to match plural. 'The parks that is in Seoul' has subject-verb agreement error; use 'parks in Seoul' or 'the parks that are in Seoul.' Also keep tense consistency: 'used to walk' (past) and 'I always recall' (present) is acceptable because recalling is habitual now.