Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more grammatically accurate, concise and coherent. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g. “Yes, I loved going to parks as a child.”), then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words (e.g. “For example,” “and”). Avoid repetitions and filler words. Correct basic grammar (past tense: loved, had) and fix unclear phrases (e.g. park name).

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, my local park, Leisure Efrain Park, had slides and swings where I played with friends and family. It also offered many activities for children, so I always had fun.

제안: Answer directly and use clear, natural linking words. Begin with a direct response (Yes/No) then explain with concise reasons. Use correct tense and smooth connectors like “but” or “however.” Avoid awkward phrases such as “Inasmuch” and unnecessary repetition of “I really don’t have the time.”

예시: Yes, I still like going to parks, but I rarely go now because I work from 9:00 to 5:00 and my weekends are usually full of other commitments. Therefore, I have little free time to visit parks.

제안: Give a clear direct answer and support it with a specific reason. Correct grammar (we have, park) and avoid confusing clauses. Use linking words like “because” or “so” and keep to two or three sentences maximum. If mentioning future plans, be concise and precise.

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because we currently have only one small park. I would also like to visit parks and game reserves in other cities and countries when I get the chance.

제안: Provide a clear, grammatically correct reply with concrete details. Begin with a direct sentence (Yes, I want to visit...), then give a specific example and why you want to go. Avoid unclear fragments and correct mistakes (e.g. “I’ve seen videos online,” “they offer activities”). Keep it to two or three sentences.

예시: Yes, I would like to visit parks in Lagos, Nigeria because I’ve seen videos online showing many well-maintained parks with activities for both adults and children. I hope to travel there with my family to explore them someday.

× When I was younger I love going to the park does the park in my country name leisure Efrain Park and is a very nice place that has slide.

✓ When I was younger I loved going to the park. The park in my country is called Leisure Efrain Park and it is a very nice place that has slides.

Mixed tense and sentence structure errors: 'When I was younger' requires past tense 'loved' not present 'love' (Present tense issue). The original also combined multiple clauses incorrectly and omitted articles and plural form. Break into two sentences, use past tense 'loved', use 'is called' to name the park, include the article 'the' and pluralize 'slides' to match meaning. Suggestion: maintain consistent past tense for childhood descriptions and separate ideas into clear sentences.

× So I used to play with my friends and my family.

✓ So I used to play with my friends and family.

Wordiness and awkward possessive repetition: saying 'my friends and my family' is grammatically acceptable but stylistically redundant. Removing the extra 'my' makes the sentence more natural. Reason: adjective 'my' need not repeat when it applies to both nouns.

× Umm this bag has a lot of activities you could do as a child.

✓ It had a lot of activities you could do as a child.

Wrong demonstrative and tense: 'this bag' is incorrect noun choice and 'has' (present) conflicts with past description; should refer to the park and use past tense ('had') because the speaker describes childhood (Present tense issue also involved but primary is wrong noun). Use 'It had a lot of activities' to refer to the park in past.

× Inasmuch I love going to the park, I really don't have the time anymore than going adult 'cause I work 9:00 to 5:00 PM, so I really don't have the time and my weekend mostly are busy with a lot of activities.

✓ Although I love going to the park, I really don't have the time now that I'm an adult because I work from 9:00 to 5:00, and my weekends are mostly busy with activities.

Tense and structural issues: 'Inasmuch' is formal and used incorrectly; 'anymore than going adult' is ungrammatical. Need present tense for current situation and present continuous/state: use 'don't have the time now that I'm an adult'. Use 'because' instead of ''cause' for formal correctness. Preposition 'from 9:00 to 5:00' is standard. 'My weekend mostly are busy' has subject-verb order error; correct to 'my weekends are mostly busy'. This addresses Present tense issue and Sentence structure errors.

× Honestly they we have just one pack in my city but I would love to explore other parks in other cities or other countries.

✓ Honestly, we have just one park in my city, but I would love to explore other parks in other cities or in other countries.

Plural and word choice errors: 'they we' is wrong word order; 'pack' is a misspelling of 'park' (spelling not in list but treated as word choice). Main grammar issues: subject pronoun order and singular/plural: 'one park' (singular) is correct; ensure consistency when referring to 'other parks' (plural). Also insert comma before 'but'. Suggestion: use 'we have just one park' and keep 'other parks' plural for generality.

× If I have the opportunity though I'm working towards it and traveling to other countries to explore parks, game reserve and all.

✓ If I have the opportunity, I am working towards it and will travel to other countries to explore parks, game reserves, and more.

Modal and tense clarity: combine conditional with future intent properly. 'If I have the opportunity' sets a condition; follow with 'I am working towards it' (current action) and use 'will travel' (future intention) rather than present participle 'traveling' which is ambiguous. Also 'game reserve' should be plural 'game reserves' when speaking generally, and include parallel structure 'parks, game reserves, and more.' This addresses Modal verb usage and Parallel structure.

× Yeah, I've heard a lot about Lagos, Nigeria, the different parks they have in that city.

✓ Yeah, I've heard a lot about Lagos, Nigeria and the different parks it has.

Pronoun and tense consistency: 'they have in that city' uses plural pronoun for a singular city; use 'it has'. Present perfect 'I've heard' is fine. This corrects Incorrect use of pronouns and keeps present tense.

× I'm still videos online and they are doing amazingly well activities both for adults and for children.

✓ I've watched videos online showing that they organize excellent activities for both adults and children.

Ungrammatical structure: 'I'm still videos online' is incorrect; need a verb for watching/viewing 'videos'. Use present perfect 'I've watched' or 'I still watch' depending on meaning; 'they are doing amazingly well activities' is awkward — better: 'they organize excellent activities'. This is a sentence structure error and verb choice problem; suggestion: use clear subject-verb-object phrases.

× So 8 to be 9 is going my family to explore the sparks and.

✓ So maybe in 8 to 9 years my family and I will go to explore the parks.

Nonsensical sequence and number words: '8 to be 9' unclear; likely means 'in 8 to 9 years'. 'is going my family to explore the sparks and' is ungrammatical. Use future tense 'will go' for planned future action and correct noun 'parks'. Also include correct word order 'my family and I'. This fixes Sentence structure errors and Future tense issue.