Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Reduce hesitations and fill words (uh, um, like). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words (for example, because, so). Keep responses concise (max 5 sentences) and use correct collocations (e.g., "indoor person" → "an indoors person" or "I used to be more of an indoor person").

예시: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. At first I was more of an indoor person, but I began playing games and running with classmates in the park, so I felt more relaxed and happy.

제안: Avoid repetition and incorrect word choices (e.g., "outdoor personnel" should be "an outdoors person" or "I like outdoor activities"). Use one clear supporting detail with a linking phrase: for example or furthermore. Vary vocabulary (exercise, jog, sit on a bench, enjoy nature) and limit hesitation to make speech fluent.

예시: Yes, I still enjoy parks. I like outdoor activities such as jogging or doing simple exercises in the park, and sometimes I just sit on a bench to relax and enjoy the fresh air.

제안: Clarify the question focus (more parks in your city) and avoid changing topic to distant national parks. Use precise geography and correct article/noun forms ("parks in Kyoto city" → "parks in Kyoto"). Give a reason why your city needs more parks (e.g., recreation, air quality) and one example. Reduce hesitations and unnecessary repetitions.

예시: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide places for exercise and relaxation. For instance, adding small green parks near residential areas would make it easier for people to walk or rest outdoors.

제안: Be specific about which parks you want to visit and why. Avoid vague phrases and repetition ("search, search it"). Use linking words to explain preference (for example, because) and give one concrete detail about what attracts you (wildlife, scenery, hiking trails). Keep it concise with correct grammar ("National Parks in North America" plural and location).

예시: Yes, I want to visit national parks in North America, such as Banff in Canada, because of the dramatic mountain scenery and hiking trails. I am also interested in researching lesser-known regional parks for peaceful nature walks.

× Yes, I would like to go uh parks as a child umm like out.

✓ Yes, I liked going to parks as a child.

The original sentence uses incorrect tense and misses the article/ preposition with 'go to parks'. The context asks about childhood, so past tense 'liked' is appropriate. Use 'going to parks' (go + to + plural noun) rather than 'go parks'. Remove filler words. Suggestion: say 'I liked going to parks as a child.'

× I was in uh indoor person at first, but after I uh, like enjoyed uh, running uh, with a classmates, uh, like I said, game in the park.

✓ I was an indoor person at first, but later I enjoyed running with classmates and playing games in the park.

Use the indefinite article 'an' before 'indoor person' (vowel sound). 'A classmates' is incorrect; use plural 'classmates' without an article. 'After' with a clause needs tense consistency; 'later I enjoyed' fits past narrative. Also streamline 'game' to 'playing games'. Suggestion: 'I was an indoor person at first, but later I enjoyed running with classmates and playing games in the park.'

× Umm, this makes me uh, so uh, like relaxed and exciting.

✓ This made me feel relaxed and excited.

Tense should be past ('made') to match childhood context. 'Exciting' describes something that causes excitement; the correct adjective for a person's feeling is 'excited'. Also use 'feel' after 'made me' for natural phrasing. Suggestion: 'This made me feel relaxed and excited.'

× Uh, I'm, uh, an outdoor personnel and uh, for example, I like, uh, doing an exercise outside, uh, for example, uh, like we can just sit in the bench in the park.

✓ I'm an outdoor person and, for example, I like exercising outside; we can just sit on the bench in the park.

'Personnel' is incorrect for a single person; use 'person'. 'Doing an exercise' is unidiomatic; use 'exercising' or 'doing exercise'. Use preposition 'on' with 'bench'. Also remove repeated fillers and ensure subject-verb agreement: 'we can sit on the bench'. Suggestion: 'I'm an outdoor person ... I like exercising outside; we can just sit on the bench in the park.'

× Uh, this makes me uh, relaxed and uh, like furthermore, uh, we can spend time in parks by uh, like running or walking.

✓ This makes me feel relaxed; furthermore, we can spend time in parks by running or walking.

Use 'feel relaxed' for the state. 'Furthermore' should connect clauses without extra fillers. The structure 'spend time in parks by running or walking' is acceptable after cleaning fillers. Suggestion: 'This makes me feel relaxed; furthermore, we can spend time in parks by running or walking.'

× Definitely, uh, yes, I would like to, uh, visit large national parks in the future.

✓ Definitely. Yes, I would like to visit large national parks in the future.

Main issue is punctuation and fillers rather than grammar; add clear sentence breaks. 'Large national parks' is correct. Suggestion: remove fillers for clarity: 'Yes, I would like to visit large national parks in the future.'

× I've heard there are vast national parks in Canada, America, like in North, uh, America, uh, like, uh, this is the uh, like, uh, we can see such a huge parks in the Kyoto city where I live.

✓ I've heard there are vast national parks in North America, for example in Canada and the United States. However, there are also large parks near Kyoto, where I live.

The original sentence is disorganized and repeats geographic terms. 'A huge parks' is incorrect (article-number mismatch). Use 'parks' without 'a' or use singular 'a huge park'. Clarify 'North America' and list countries correctly ('United States' instead of 'America' alone). 'Kyoto city' should be 'Kyoto' or 'the city of Kyoto'. Suggestion: 'I've heard there are vast national parks in North America, for example in Canada and the United States. However, there are also large parks near Kyoto, where I live.'

× Yeah, of course, like as I said, the National Park in North America is a kind of the good choices for me.

✓ Yes, of course. As I said, national parks in North America are good choices for me.

Do not use 'the' before 'national parks' when speaking generally. 'Is a kind of the good choices' is ungrammatical; use 'are good choices' for plural 'parks'. Simplify phrasing: 'national parks in North America are good choices for me.'

× But there are other choices like maybe I'm not familiar with it, but like I would like to search, search it.

✓ But there are other options that I may not be familiar with; I would like to look them up.

Pronoun 'it' does not agree with plural 'other choices'; use 'them'. Repetition 'search, search it' is informal; use 'look them up' or 'research them'. Suggestion: 'But there are other options that I may not be familiar with; I would like to look them up.'