Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more concise and grammatical: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (umm), correct noun forms (parks, part → park), and provide one specific supporting detail. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

예시: Not really. There weren’t any public parks in my hometown, so I only used the primary school playground in front of my house. I spent time there with friends, playing football and riding bikes after class.

제안: Good clear response with relevant personal detail. Improve by removing repetition (‘around here around the neighborhood’), using a linking word to connect ideas, and adding a brief reason or example of activities to show fluency and content depth.

예시: Yes. Since I moved to KL 16 years ago, I’ve enjoyed many local parks. Because I now have a son, we visit a nearby park every weekend to play on the swings and go for short walks.

제안: Organize the answer: begin with a direct statement, then give a concise reason using linking words (because, so). Correct grammar (I wish there were; avoid fillers) and reduce repetition. Provide a specific benefit of more parks.

예시: Yes, I would. I wish there were more small parks in each neighborhood because the larger parks are 15–30 minutes away by car. That would make it easier for families to exercise and relax without driving.

제안: Good idea and personal detail. Improve fluency by removing fillers, using past/present tense correctly, and linking reasons (e.g., because). Give one specific example of a park/activity to make the answer more vivid and concise.

예시: Yes. I would love to visit parks in Japan again because they are everywhere and very well maintained. I enjoyed running in Yoyogi Park with my family when I visited, and I’d like to return for more walks and picnics.

× I didn't because there was no parks around my neighborhood where umm in my hometown, so the only part that I've been to was the school park.

✓ I didn't because there were no parks around my neighborhood in my hometown, so the only park that I went to was the school park.

The phrase 'there was no parks' is incorrect because 'there' + plural noun requires 'were' not 'was'. Also 'part' is a wrong word choice for 'park' and 'I've been to' is awkward in this past context; use simple past 'I went to'. Suggestion: use 'there were no parks' for plural and 'the only park that I went to' for clarity.

× There is this primary school located in front of my house so normally I would spend time with my friends there.

✓ There is a primary school located in front of my house, so normally I spent time there with my friends.

Tense consistency: earlier sentence refers to childhood (past), so use past 'spent' not conditional 'would spend'. 'There is this' is informal; 'There is a' is better. Also move 'there' to avoid redundancy: 'spent time there with my friends'.

× Yes, I moved to KL around 16 years ago and KL is totally a different city than my hometown.

✓ Yes, I moved to KL around 16 years ago, and KL is completely different from my hometown.

Use 'completely different from' rather than 'totally a different city than' for correct adjective/adverb usage and preposition. 'Different from' is the standard collocation. Also 'completely' is more natural than 'totally' in this context.

× There are a lot of parks around here around the neighborhood, and now that I have a son, we always go to the park every weekend.

✓ There are a lot of parks around the neighborhood here, and now that I have a son, we always go to the park on weekends.

Original has redundant 'around here around the neighborhood'; streamline to 'around the neighborhood here'. 'Every weekend' is acceptable but 'on weekends' is more natural. Grammar: 'There are' correctly matches plural 'parks'.

× Yes, I wish there are more parks around because the big parks normally I will have to drive to go there to spend around 15 to 30 minutes to reach.

✓ Yes, I wish there were more parks around because for the big parks I normally have to drive about 15 to 30 minutes to reach them.

After 'wish' use past tense 'were' (subjunctive) not 'are'. Also word order and pronouns: 'the big parks normally I will have to drive to go there to spend around 15 to 30 minutes to reach' is clumsy; use 'I normally have to drive about 15 to 30 minutes to reach them'.

× So I wish uh, there are more parks built around uh, here in every neighborhood so that I don't have to drive to go there.

✓ So I wish there were more parks built here in every neighborhood so that I wouldn't have to drive to get to them.

Again, after 'wish' use 'were'. Also for hypothetical result use 'wouldn't have to' rather than 'don't have to'. 'Drive to go there' is redundant; 'drive to get to them' is clearer. Remove filler 'uh'.

× Yes, I would like to go to parks in another country.

✓ Yes, I would like to visit parks in another country.

'Go to parks in another country' is understandable but 'visit parks' is more natural collocation for expressing desire. 'Would like to' is correct for future desire.

× I visited Japan before, they have a lot of parks in every corner.

✓ I visited Japan before; they have a lot of parks on every corner.

This is a run-on sentence; use a semicolon or split into two. 'In every corner' is less idiomatic than 'on every corner'. Tense: 'visited' (past) and 'have' (present) is acceptable because present describes a general fact, but punctuation is needed. Suggestion: 'I visited Japan before; they have a lot of parks on every corner.'

× I enjoy running and playing with my family there UMM and the weather is also quite nice.

✓ I enjoyed running and playing with my family there, and the weather was also quite nice.

Since the student is referring to past visits, use past tense 'enjoyed' and 'was'. Also remove filler 'UMM' and add a comma before 'and'. If referring to general enjoyment whenever visiting, present perfect could be used, but past is more consistent here.

× So I would like to go there again and enjoy more parks in Japan.

✓ So I would like to go there again and enjoy more of the parks in Japan.

Add 'of the' to make 'enjoy more of the parks' or simply 'enjoy more parks'—both are acceptable. 'Would like to go there again' is correct. This correction clarifies the object and reads more naturally.