Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Be more grammatically accurate and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence in past tense, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler sounds and correct word choice (e.g., "motor skills").

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks when I was a child. For example, I often met new friends there and tried different activities like swings and climbing frames, which helped improve my motor skills. Because of that, parks were an important part of my childhood.

제안: Be more concise and natural. Use clear linking words and correct collocations (e.g., "some quiet time" not "peace time"). Mention frequency and reason briefly, and avoid hesitation sounds.

예시: Sometimes I still go to parks, especially when I need some quiet time. For instance, I occasionally visit a park late at night because the calm atmosphere helps me relax and think clearly.

제안: Clarify your opinion and avoid contradictory statements. State your main point clearly, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Use correct noun forms ("facilities") and avoid repetition.

예시: No, I don't think we need more parks in my city because there are already plenty. Instead, I would prefer investment in other facilities such as community centers and public transport, which would benefit more residents.

제안: Be more confident and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence naming the place, then add a specific reason and what you expect to do there. Correct small errors ("in America", "count").

예시: Yes, I'd love to visit Snoopy Land in America. As a big Snoopy fan, I want to see the themed attractions and exhibits, and I think it would be fun to take photos and buy memorabilia there.

× When I was a child, I do really love go to park.

✓ When I was a child, I really loved going to the park.

Tense and verb form are incorrect. The sentence refers to a past time ('When I was a child') so use past tense 'loved' instead of 'do really love'. Also after 'love' when expressing an activity use the gerund 'going'. Add the definite article 'the' before 'park' because referring to parks in general experience as a child.

× Uh, it's because when I go to park, I can see a lot of new friends and then new activities.

✓ It's because when I went to the park, I could meet a lot of new friends and try new activities.

Maintain past tense ('went' and 'could') to match earlier clause. Use 'meet' instead of 'see' for making friends and 'try' for activities. Use the infinitive or base verb after modal 'could' and add 'the' before 'park'. 'Try new activities' is the correct collocation.

× I can try and also exercise my motoric as a child and I think it's a good thing for a child to go to a park.

✓ I could try activities and also exercise my motor skills as a child, and I think it's a good thing for children to go to a park.

Use 'motor skills' (correct noun) rather than 'motoric'. Match past context with 'could'. Use plural 'children' when speaking generally, and keep sentence flow with commas and conjunctions.

× Sometimes I do like a in a very specific moment when I feel really alone and I need some, umm, peace time.

✓ Sometimes I like going to the park at a specific moment when I feel really alone and need some peace and quiet.

Remove unnecessary 'do' and extra 'a'. Use 'going to the park' to clarify action. 'Peace time' is unnatural; use 'peace and quiet'. Keep present simple for habitual or occasional actions.

× I do go to the parks at midnight and I feel like those kind of moments are really important and very peaceful.

✓ I go to the park at midnight, and I feel that those kinds of moments are really important and peaceful.

Remove unnecessary 'do'. Use singular 'the park' for a habitual action (or 'parks' if referring to multiple but make consistent). Use 'those kinds of moments' (plural agreement) and avoid redundancy 'really important and very peaceful' -> 'really important and peaceful'.

× I don't think so, because I think in my city there's a lot, uh, there's already enough parks.

✓ I don't think so, because I think in my city there are already enough parks.

Use 'there are' with plural noun 'parks' (subject-verb agreement). Remove redundant 'there's a lot' which is unclear; 'there are already enough parks' is concise and correct.

× And I do think it's really necessary to give a lot of parks in the city and it is more important to give another facilities instead of parks.

✓ And I think it's more necessary to provide other facilities in the city rather than more parks.

Use 'provide' or 'build' instead of 'give'. 'A lot of parks' and 'another facilities' are incorrect quantifier and number agreement. 'Another' with plural should be 'other facilities'. Use comparative phrasing 'rather than' for preference.

× I don't know if this count as a park, but there's a park in in the America, if I'm not mistaken it is called Snoopy Land.

✓ I don't know if this counts as a park, but there's a park in America, if I'm not mistaken; it is called Snoopy Land.

Use third person singular 'counts' to agree with 'this'. Remove duplicate 'in'. Use 'America' without 'the' in this context. Punctuation split improves clarity.

× I really want to go there because I'm a huge fan of Snoopy and I think it's a good opportunity for me to see a lot of new stuff there.

✓ I really want to go because I'm a huge fan of Snoopy, and I think it's a great opportunity to see many new things there.

Avoid repeating 'there'. 'A good opportunity for me to see' is wordy; 'a great opportunity to see' is concise. Use 'many new things' instead of 'a lot of new stuff' for more natural formal phrasing.