Parks— Part 1 채점 보고서

제안: Melhore a naturalidade e corrija pequenas repetições e erros. Use uma frase tópica clara, corrija a repetição de “in the” e escolha entre “in my head” ou “in my mind”. Use uma variação de tempos verbais e adicione um detalhe específico (por exemplo, que atividades faziam) com uma conjunção apropriada para ligar ideias.

예시: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child, especially with my friends. We spent hours in the park behind my apartment playing football and having picnics, so those days are very memorable. I often remember the laughter and the games we played there.

제안: Corrija respostas confusas e desnecessárias; evita informações irrelevantes (por exemplo, ‘in my bathroom’) e palavras de encerramento informais como “bye”. Responda diretamente com uma frase tópica e acrescente uma razão concisa usando conectores como “because” ou “although”.

예시: Yes, I still like parks, but I don't go very often now because I prefer staying at home to watch movies. However, I enjoy visiting parks occasionally to get fresh air and meet friends.

제안: Evite repetições e preenchimentos (“uh”, “I would say yes” várias vezes). Use estruturas claras: uma frase direta com razão e um detalhe específico sobre por que mais parques seriam úteis. Corrija erros de forma: use “I wish there were more parks.”

예시: Yes, I would like more parks because our town has only one small park. More parks would give people places to exercise, relax and for children to play, which would improve community life.

제안: Organize a clear, concise response: nome do parque, com quem e por que. Evite traduções literais e fragmentos incompreensíveis (“college Nagashima”, “in the avoid”). Use conectores e corrija tempo verbal (I hope/I would like to go).

예시: Yes, I'd like to visit Nagashima amusement park in the future with my family and friends. I hope we can go together because the rides and shows look exciting and it would be a fun day out.

× We usually spend a lot of time in the in the park that is behind my apartment.

✓ We usually spend a lot of time in the park that is behind my apartment.

The sentence has a minor repetition 'in the in the' which is a typographical error rather than a verb tense problem. Keep the present simple 'spend' for habitual actions. Suggestion: remove the duplicated words to make the sentence fluent.

× We usually have a lot of fun and it's still really memorable in my head, in my mind.

✓ We usually had a lot of fun and it is still really memorable in my mind.

The speaker begins by describing childhood routines; because the context is past (as a child), the verb should be past simple 'had'. The latter clause refers to a present state, so 'it is' (or "it's") is appropriate. Suggestion: keep past tense for past habits and present tense for current states.

× I would say yes. Even so, I don't usually go to parks right now as a teenager, but I usually spend most of my time in my house in my bathroom while watching movies and things like that.

✓ I would say yes. Even so, I don't usually go to parks now as a teenager; I usually spend most of my time at home in my room watching movies and things like that.

Use 'now' instead of 'right now' is acceptable but 'right now as a teenager' is awkward; 'at home' is the natural prepositional phrase and 'in my bathroom' is likely wrong for watching movies. Also keep present simple 'don't usually go' and 'spend' for habitual present actions. Suggestion: use 'at home' and 'in my room' for clarity and naturalness.

× But I would say yes, bye.

✓ But I would say yes.

The word 'bye' is inappropriate and breaks sentence coherence; it appears to be an attempt to end the conversation. Remove 'bye' to keep the sentence grammatically correct. Suggestion: end with the intended statement only.

× Yes, I would because there's only one park, uh, here in my city because I live in a really small hometown.

✓ Yes, I would, because there is only one park here in my city; I live in a very small hometown.

Use full form 'there is' or contraction 'there's' is fine. The original has redundant 'because' and filler 'uh'. Also use 'a very small hometown' rather than 'a really small hometown' for formality. Suggestion: remove redundancies and fillers, and use punctuation to separate clauses.

× So I understand that they can't build more parks, but I would say yes, uh, I definitely would say yes.

✓ So I understand that they can't build more parks, but I would definitely say yes.

Repetition 'I would say yes' is unnecessary; remove filler 'uh' and redundant phrasing. Maintain present modal 'can't' for ability and conditional 'would' for preference. Suggestion: be concise.

× I, I wish there are more parts.

✓ I wish there were more parks.

The verb in wishes about unreal present situations requires past subjunctive 'were' rather than 'are'. 'Parts' is a mispronunciation/typo of 'parks'. Suggestion: use 'I wish there were more parks' to express a hypothetical wish.

× Yes, there are an amusement park college Nagashima that I would like to go in the future with my family and friends in the, in the avoid.

✓ Yes, there is an amusement park called Nagashima that I would like to visit in the future with my family and friends.

Use 'there is' for a single park (not 'there are'). Include article 'an' before 'amusement park' and use 'called' to introduce the name. 'Go' should be 'visit' or 'go to', and 'in the future' is the correct phrase. Remove unclear fragments 'in the, in the avoid.' Suggestion: use 'there is an amusement park called Nagashima' and 'visit' or 'go to' for clarity.

× Uh, it's my father's friend. I will let go there with these people.

✓ Uh, it was my father's idea. I will go there with those people.

The original 'it's my father's friend' is likely confusion between 'friend' and 'idea'; context suggests 'father's idea'. 'I will let go there' is ungrammatical; use 'I will go there' and 'those people' (not 'these') for people mentioned previously. Suggestion: choose correct noun ('idea' vs 'friend') and correct verb 'go'.

× I think it will be really funny. I wish that could happen soon.

✓ I think it will be really fun. I hope that can happen soon.

'Funny' in this context likely means 'fun'; 'wish that could happen' is slightly off: for realistic future hope use 'I hope that can happen soon' or 'I hope it happens soon'. Use 'will be' for prediction. Suggestion: use 'fun' for enjoyment and 'hope' for realistic future desires.